Tit For Tat
by GigliwasCool
Summary: Tommy's Tit to Jude's Tat? Is she really the only one who wants to crush those Christmas sleigh bells lately? ..Sequel to Bang Theory.. [On hiatus.]
1. Oh, Inverted World

Aw I love you guys and I am so glad you're as excited for this as I am. Alright let me think, oh yeah! This picks up a little while after the gang gets back from New York and the Christmas season is in full swing. In the beginning of this chapter Spied's singing different lyrics to _Little Drummer Boy _so that might help for the first few lines, I got it from _Family Guy_, I just love that show lol. I think that's all, but just as a small referesher- Jamie passed out in an airport after Pasty bit him and he confessed that he loves Kat. Alrighty that's all so on with the sequel! (that is so fun to say!)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, seriously.

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Chapter 1: _Oh, Inverted World_

"_I have some presents for you_."

"Spied shut up."

"_Up in my bum_."

"Stop it."

"_Up in my bum_."

"Stop now."

"_So he said to me_,"

"Spied, _stop_."

"_Let me see your bum. Let me see your bum._"

"Can you stop ruining _Little Drummer Boy _please?" I pleaded. I was about to take a ham and plaster it across his face.

"As you wish Lady Squinty Frown." Spied chuckled some more with a flourishing bow and walked down the hall singing his alternative lyrics to the Christmas carol.

He is so going to get his ass kicked one of these days. I'm just waiting for him to bend over and give a perfect target, because my aim is really bad. I might burst his spleen if he stands the wrong way.

Wait… what is _that._

Please cue disgusted and horrified voice here. (I would say something about _it sounds like someone is strangling a cat or a moose_ or something, but that's _so _played out. I remember this one time I was watching this show on Nickelodeon about this kid that got turned into a dog and he had to do one hundred good deeds and he lived with the last kid he terrorized.

And that ugly nerdy kid had a sister who was learning to play the tuba or something. And ugly kid was like 'ARE YOU STRANGLING A MOOSE?' while she was playing and I said that for weeks on end. Then Sadie finally took the back of her head and smacked it into my face. My lip got stuck on my braces and I started to bleed so I ran up to her room tuned my lip inside out and pressed it all over her clothes. They were bloody for weeks.)

I faintly heard Jamie shouting about love and singing Whitney Houston. I walked down to the doors of G-Major where I had planned to meet Kat before a nice long and therapeutic day of shopping. But as I tore down the staircase, almost tripping twice, I reached the small platform that separated the second half of stairs and the first half and stopped. I listened to a few moments of Jamie sputtering about Bobby Brown before I moved off the platform and down a few stairs to peer more closely and crane my neck towards Kat and Jamie.

I'm pretty sure the shit it gonna hit the fan right about…

"Kat, do you really want me to go?"

"My hips don't lie. And I'm not feelin' you boy." What the hell?

"Kat, come on."

"**No **Jamie, I will not come."

…_now._

Te he. From the staircase I could see Kat growing flustered and Jamie blushing intensely. It was sorta funny because he had snow in his hair and his face was a deep red. Vaguely candy-cane-ish and vaguely hilarious.

It would be completely hilarious if the Kat-Jamie, the _Jaterina_ thing if you will, weren't so _not _funny. It actually makes me uncomfortable because I always remember the day I was a total bitch at the coffee shop. I was such a slut that week that I tried to steal Jamie from her. And I got a tattoo and then I made him get one… what a sad time in my life. I totally blame my dad for that one. And Tommy. He was douche those two weeks; he deserved a blow to the face. Then he would have been all ugly and _nastiful _and no one would want him.

There was never a time when that Denis Leary song, _I'm an Asshole_, ever applied to someone more than Tommy.

"_I'm an asshole (He's an asshole) _

_I'm an asshole (Such as asshole) _

_I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)" _

I think you get the idea. That song is actually the least politically correct and the most mean-spirited song I've ever heard, but what the hell?

"**No **Jamie, I will not _come on_!" She restated as the normal coloring replenished itself in Jamie's cheeks. "Go have weird Gothic sex and leave me alone." She said meanly and poked him in the chest with a nail.

I watched him cringe and lightly moan in pain. I knew for a fact that it wasn't her words that were causing him such physical pain. It was her nail, digging into his flesh. Those things are like talons.

I was about to get up with a felt a sharp and painful twinge shoot from my lower back to the rest of my nerve endings. Jamie continued to sputter and stutter for twenty minutes and I felt bad for him. It's not every day that he professes his love to childhood friends in slightly cheesy manners. I think it's been six months.

He kept starting sentences only to trail off pathetically as Kat stood across for him, smirking her ass off. It was worse than when Spied and Shay made me decide who had a better Eastside Boyz impression on the plane ride back home. It was endless hours of the two battling over _Wait, the Whisper Song_.

**"Wait till you see my-" Shay started in what I'm sure he thought was a sexy _come hither_ whisper, only to cut off by a long wail. **

**"OHH!" Spied shouted loudly. **

**"What the hell man?" **

**"What?" Spied shrugged innocently. Innocent my ass, even ****Janeane Garofalo is more innocent than Spied. Well after a movie Ben Chaplin, your dirty points get knocked a little bit. **

**"You stole my thunder!" Oh no… this is like the _Battle of_ _Boy Divas 2: We're Back and on the Rack_ **

**(_and ovulating_. Ok, I'm officially not aloud to listen to any Eminem anymore. It polluted my brain mass.) **

**"_Stole your thunder?_ Are you me?" Mason called incredulously. Shay shot me a questioning look but I could only laugh. I forgot no one knew that Mason's gay. He threw Mason a similar look who laughed at him too. But as Mason walked over to go the bathroom he pretended that turbulence shook that cabin and fell all over Shay. **

I swear I saw groping of Shay's nether regions, but I can't know for sure. I was about to get up with a felt a sharp and painful twinge shoot from my lower back to the rest of my nerve endings. Jamie continued to sputter and stutter for twenty minutes and I felt bad for him. It's not every day that he professes his love to childhood friends in slightly cheesy manners. I think it's been six months. "OW!" I yelped and whirled around, ready to bash someone's face.

(You know there's something about the holidays that bring out the Andy Milonakis in me. I just want to go around and called people _fat murders _and make old ladies dress up like chickens and force them to let me wear their dentures and degrade their dignity. And call foreign delivery boys and smear peanut butter on my face before they come in and then scream demands at them that have varying levels of insanity. Is it just me?)

I turned around as Tommy caught a flying fist.

"It's not nice to eavesdrop." He told me playfully.

"It's not nice to grab my underwear." I retorted and planted a chaste kiss on his lips as I grabbed his ass. That was the beauty of what happened a week ago. I can grab Tommy's ass whenever I'm around.

Except when my dad is around, cause he doesn't know yet. I am currently paying Sadie in weekly Sephora trips to keep quiet and it's slowly killing.

And I can't maul his ass when Darius is around either.

Or Liam.

Or Portia.

Or E.J. (except I think she's secretly ok with it. She said **'someone had to tame the player' **and I laughed, but I think she was more serious than not.) "Well I was planning on doing it during our studio time…" He said playfully as he removed my hand from his butt and molded his fingers against mine.

"But you got fired off my album."

"And now I'm stuck with…"

"Hey pretty boy! My juices are flowing again. Get your ass back before I bite it." Pasty called to her new producer.

"I _so _don't wanna know how she got her _juices flowing again_." I said with a slightly disgusted face.

"Well Jude, it's what's called masturb-"

"SPIED! Go away from me!" He gave a devilish grin and scampered off again. What the hell is wrong with him lately? I heard Kat scoff loudly and make an I-told-you-so face at Jamie. I knocked Tommy away from me as I crouched again to hear the conversation.

"Was that _her_?" She asked sarcastically. Jamie didn't catch on that it was rhetorical and answered her.

"Uh, yea." He said and waved in the general direction of Studio B. "But Kat, _kitty Kat, _you and I. We fit perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle."

"He's kinda Emo." Tommy observed in whisper from next to me.

"Shhhh! And it's the hair." I said, wondering if Jamie would break into song. He shook his limbs in a painfully awkward way, the way he always does when he thinks he's Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie.

"_I am thinking it's a sign._

_That the freckles in our eyes are mirror images,_

_and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned._

_And I have to speculate,_

_that God himself did make_

_us into corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces-_

_And true it may seem like a stretch,_

_but it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head_

_when you're away and I am missing you to death._

_And you are out there on the road for several weeks of shows_

_and when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you." _

Oh my bad, today he's Ben Gibbard from Postal Service. He sang along with a nonexistent synthesizer beat. Oh I feel so bad for him. But hey, now _Iron and Wine _wins best cover of _Such Great Heights. _Yay for _Iron and Wine_!

"_Come down now! They'll say!" _He shouted in a falsetto that would make James Blunt proud. But no one else. Just James Blunt.

Next to me, I heard Tommy groan with pity and when I turned around he was cringing without being able to tear his eyes from the sight. I smiled at him lightly as he got up and Jamie continued to be an ass.

"Jamie!" Tommy hollered. What a nice little cub scout, saving Jamie from any more embarrassment like that.

It's just a plus that he's _my _little cub scout.

I watched him walk away, appreciating my view as Kat turned around to look at me.

"Were you there?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

" '_**No **Jamie, I will not come!' _and even before that."

"You heard him say it?"

" '_No matter what you say, Kat I will always love you' _I would have to say it was pretty memorable."

"Did you hear the _you play Bobby, I'll play Whitney _joke he made?"

"Where you were Bobby and Jamie was Whitney, yes I caught that too."

"Did you hear him singing-"

"Yes."

"What did you thi-"

"I think we need to stop talking about Jamie. And indulge in a little therapy after that Postal Servicerendition. My brain is fogging."

Kat giggled lightly as I searched for Mason, knowing he would be hurt if we didn't invite him to come along. I made that mistake once. All I'll say is that it was a violent fit of Mason-rage. And he took his hat off. I was afraid his head was going to fall off. Then I made a Herman Munster crack and he got even madder. It was not something that should ever need to be repeated.

As we made our way to Studio A, we passed Darius.

My head shot down as I stared at the floor; lately I'm afraid he'll shoot me with laser beams if I make eye contact. It's a really good thing that people are bootlegging the SNL performance like there's no tomorrow I would be Darius' subordinate, in bad **bad **ways.

"Hey there _Big D-Whopper_." Kat greeted as I kicked her shins.

Does she have a death wish? Jesus in Heaven, forgive her she knows not what she does.

"What?" He asked.

"What's up Mr. D?" Kat said as she tried to stifle a giggle. _So _didn't work. "I really like your head. Is it shinier?"

WHAT THE HELL?

I reached up to pinch in her the arm but with my head down I just pinched a piece of hair.

When Darius gave her a puzzle look, Kat elaborated. She rubbed a hand over her own hair, letting it hover lightly, and nodded her head encouragingly.

"Do you wax it?" She asked nicely. If I didn't understand English I would totally have thought she was saying 'yes I can tell you where the _biblioteca _is'.

((And I don't understand why all those foreign language tapes always try to teach people how to ask where the library is. The entire week before Sadie left for Italy all I heard was: _Dove la biblioteca è?_ And_ Dove la stanza da bagno è? _I knew the first two were Sadie's fruitless attempts to find out where the library or bathroom would be.

But the last one I knew was just for Tommy: _Farme _which simply means: _Do me. _But my favorite was: _Portarme _which transliterates to _take me _but not in the dirty way. In a '_Take me to get my lobotomy please'_ kind of way. I found out that she just _told _Tommy that she spoke Italian. What a whore. But a whore that I love. And apparently Kwest loves too…))

Kat smiled again and to my horror and dismay Darius smiled back, complete with the old once-over.

AH! I AM GOING TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE!

Before the flirty giggle went past her lips, I grabbed Kat and took off down the hall. "Remember that time you kissed my dad?" She looked down at her shoes as her smile vanished immediately.

"Yes." She said with shame.

"I don't want to remind you of _that time you kissed my manager _a few months from now." I hissed as I saw Mason and Tommy studying.

_Oh, Inverted World _what the hell is happening?

"Just apply Newton's Third Law."

"Of what?" Mason asked on a giggle. Oh my God tell me what I think is happening is not really happening.

"His laws of inertia. An object in motion, tends to travel in the same path in which is it pushed into motion" He started and rattled them off like no big thing. Mason stared at him, completely dumbfounded, as did Kat and I. I recovered first.

"No, come on Tom! Be stupid with me!" I will not handle being the brain-dead one of the group. I will leave this group and hang out with the potheads from school, I swear! He looked up at me shocked for a moment before breaking into a haughty grin.

"Just because I didn't finish school, doesn't mean I'm as stupid as you." He said. Asshole.

"You're a butt face. And you didn't just _not finish school_ you didn't even finish middle school!"

What a loser, trying to play me like that. I'll show him. I don't know how, but I will. I am currently devising my plan.

I looked right past him, though it was hard because he had gotten up from his chair and he was like an inch away from me, and turned my head to Mason.

"Wanna come shopping with us?" I saw him whip his head, and look to me with dazed eyes.

Is he high?

I moved away from Tom and followed my gaze towards his previous line of vision, and I was staring right at Tommy's ass. Um hello, what is that about? I refuse to let Mason steal him away from me! Mason cleared his throat distractedly before looking at me with innocently wide eyes.

"Are you going to get lost and then go to the information desk and cry for an hour like last time?" He asked smartly.

_WHAT_? New York is a big city and _left _me.

He was like 'oh I'm gonna go look in that store, I'll be back in five' and it turned out to be like five _hours_ and I didn't have the keys and I didn't know where the hotel was. And my phone was broken from when I had thrown my cell phone at Jamie the night before because he was making fun of Tommy and I.

I was basically stranded and not in a _Blue Lagoon _kind of way. More in an _I'm-gonna-get-gang-banged _kind of way.

So I went to the little information booth with the little old lady and I started to cry. So she made _me_ call his name over the loud speaker because she couldn't understand what I was saying through my tears. It came out '_Basooon Box' _and he is _still _making fun of me for it and so is everyone else.

I threw Tommy a mean look as he laughed at my idiocy, muttering _'Basooon Box_' under his breath.

"Now I'm of consenting age, to be forgetting you in a cabaret." I told him.

"Whatever you say my dear, as long as you are not still under the impression that you will be deflowering the lead singer of Panic! At the Disco." He told me in a matter-of-fact tone and reminded me of my 7th grade math teacher.

"YES I AM! I played you air hockey for him! Twice!" I whined. Kat giggled from behind as I stomped my foot on the ground roughly. 'Ouch' I muttered and rub the sole of my foot through the thin shoe I was wearing.

Tommy tapped my shoulder and spun me around again.

"Should I be worried about this?"

"Yes, you should. Jude almost broke her shoulder during that second game for him." Mason put in.

"Shut up." I hissed and turned back to Tommy.

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?"

"If I want to go shopping with you guys."

"Do you _want _to go shopping with us?" I asked, disbelieving. He gave me a hurt look that made my smirk melt.

"Well you can if you want to-" But my futile attempts at niceness were met with an indignant snort from Tommy.

"Yea right."

What a butt head!

"Well fine, but I'm not getting you anything!" I huffed and turned on my heel and marched for the door. I walked through the lobby onto to find Kwest making out with a microphone and making uncouth gestures at Wally.

"_The G is silent when I sneak in your door. Makin' love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy; you'll know it was me. Cause the next time I see she be like 'OH KEVIN G!_'"

No really what the hell is happening? Is Tom Cruise finally getting his revenge? Didn't he do enough damage to me with _War of the Worlds_?

"Why are you singing _The Mathelete Rap_? Should I be calling you _Kevin G-Mean _when you sneak through my door to find my sister?" I asked him seriously.

First Jason Mraz and now _Mean Girls? _Should I be calling someone for help?

He hung his head like he had a week ago, thoroughly ashamed. Well he should be! Wally looked from me to Kwest at least five times before inhaling resentfully. "You told me you Codename was _Kevin G-Mean _on the **Codename: Kids Next Door **website!" I _so_ don't wanna know.

Kwest hung his head further towards the floor, shame filling the air around him. Serves him right! Deceiving my little Wally like that...

"I think Kwest was lying Wally." I said in a motherly tone. As we walked away from Kwest I grabbed the microphone from him and turned back to Wally.

"So I _don't _have to make up my own rap to register on **Codename: Kids Next Door **site?"

"No, I don't think so Wally." He just nodded his head as Kat approached us.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yea, where's Mason?"

"Flirting with Tommy." She told me just as Mason's giggle resounded through the building. He is a man-skank.

"Tell him to get his ass out here or I will snap his DVD of _High School Musical _in half." I warned.

Kat giggled again before grasping my arm and looking at me seriously. Ok I am _so _not about to have a heart-to-heart about the possibilities of _Jaterina 2 _in the middle of G-Major.

"Was it really that bad?" She asked in a light whisper.

I looked down at her, was _what _so bad? Oh right the whole… singing and the… dancing. Yea it was.

"To stay on the Death Cab for Cutie path, it was worse than when Marissa sat in her room after Johnny died to listen to what her slutty little sister called 'Death Cab'. I died a little inside each time." Kat smiled; I knew that was what she wanted to hear.

She wanted a guy to make a fool of himself for her so that she wouldn't always be the crazy one. I think Jamie really is her guy but I am not about to get in the middle of Jastie. I will get myself injured.

Mentally, physically, emotionally… just so many levels of pain.

"Good." She said as a loud yelp resonated through the studio.

"Was that…" Kat asked with uncertainty.

"Tommy? Yea" I said worriedly as we took off for Studio A.

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I hope you guys liked it, I know what I want to happen in chapter 2 all I have to do it write it lol. So leave me some love, or whatever you're feeling right now, because I'm addicted to your feedback and I must know if this lives up to Bang Theory! lol

Rachel :o)


	2. Stadium Arcadium

You guys blow me away, seriously! I am so glad that you guys like the sequel. I was afraid it maybe it was gonna fall flat on its ass like that weird Vin Dissel sequel with those demons and stuff. I can't remember what it's called for the life me. I really want to thank **tommys21 **((I don't know what I'm gonna do with Pasty and Jamie quite yet. A breakup promotes many insane possibilites, but I sorta love them together. lol, they are complete opposites and that's why I can't help love them too!))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((Jamie is one of the hottest dorks alive though. I take that back, he was kinda ugly the first season. But ugly in a... cute way. If that's possible. I actually loved Shay, despite the whole cheating/Eden, and I miss him. If they brought he and Tommy back, I wouldn't be able to love that show more! I know exactly what you mean about Darius! I think second episode of the first season, there's this beautiful moment in time where the lights are on his head just right and I swear I can see Tommy's face! I thought of that when I was writing the part lol. The bling-bling puts in me in temporary states of helplessness and I drool a lot. But not in a good way, lol))

**iamthatplace **((lol! To prevent the nastiness that comes along with vomit, I updated! yay!))

**Tommy4eva **((that song makes me giggle incessantly. I laugh every time I listen to it, except if one of my parents is around, then I walk away or switch the station. I've put Tommy in a very... awkward situation lol. I hope it doesn't dissapoint!))

**Judeh05 **((I love the asshole song, I laugh and laugh everytime I hear it lol! I'm so glad you liked Bang Theory too!))

**CJMJM **((I would follow up with the rest of the lyrics, but I don't remember them. Actually I might but I'm listening to the version of There's Us from the show, with Pasty and SME, and I can't think of anything else besides Pasty rolling around on the floor and Wally with his guitar. I have a new-found obsession with him. For real. I have to marry him or I will cry. Life is so hectic right now, but I'm chapter 4 of _Unexpected _just let me tell you something: I heart it with a passion! And I have never been more excited to come in on a story late because I have so many chapters ahead of me! lol, yay for promoting! thank you so much!))

**Tanya50801 **((My God that is a lot of me to handle!lol, I'm so glad you liked Bang Theory!))

**Varely990 **((lol, I always think that I'll piss my pants when I laugh really hard too! I'm so glad you liked it! And I just red _100 Girls _and I just have to say that I love it lol!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((You brought up a really good point, and I don't think Tommy and Jude know exactly _what _they are. But it's definitely going to factor into the plot. I think if Tommy and Mason got married I would have to be the flower girl, or the maid of honor. Wait... there wouldn't be one. The best man? I could wear a tux! That would be cool lol! I wouldn't take Jamie back either, but he gets super hot second season. Believe me. I would put a winking face but I hate look at three parentheses in a row. Just know that there a winking smilie out there for you!))

and I really want to thank everyone reviewing and reading Bang Theory. I think you are my favorite people in the world! You all are the greatest and I am _so _glad you like this story! Your reviews make my day! Ok, on with the chapter... Oh wait! The rating goes up a little bit with language, but I think this story is more upper T, than lowers.

**Disclaimer**: I'm officially blanketing my disclaimer and this is for all the stories I will ever write and the rest of this story too: I own absolutely nothing. If I did, Tommy would not be in Montana, he would be with me ;o)

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Chapter 2:_ Stadium Arcadium_

Are you familiar with the term '_lmao_', which is an abbreviation for _laughing my ass off_? I really need you to know that I am **literally **_laughing my ass off_.

Kat and I rushed for the studio, thinking that Tommy's ego finally splattered across the room and broke something. But when we came in, it was quite apparent that nothing had been broken.

Officially.

Maybe Tommy's spirits were crushed a little.

"What's going on?" I asked neutrally.

"He! He's… Wanted to…" Tommy stuttered as he pointed at Mason. I looked over to Mason, whose expression was beyond amused and started reaching levels of evilness I never thought possible.

"Thought I would try and give him a little taste of a different juice."

"How different?"

"MAN JUICES!" Tommy hollered and sank down in his chair.

What the hell is up his butt?

I actually didn't really care at that point and I didn't even tried to hide my laughter as I burst out vociferously. I even added a little pointing, just for good measure. I felt like calling him a 'freak' but pronouncing it as if it has two syllables, i.e: _FUR-REEK, _but I refrained.Tommy looked up at me incredulously from his slouch.

But his gaze fluttered past me and he turned a deep ruby shade of humiliation. I'm thinking Mason tried to force some tongue, but I'm not sure. I turned behind me; throwing a look that told Kat and Mason that I would meet them in a few minutes. They fell over themselves on their way out, both still tittering with laughter as I crouched next to Tommy.

"How do those _man juices_ taste?" I whispered as I placed a hand gingerly on his knee. He jumped slightly, and then grasped my hand tightly. I looked at me seriously, with an incredible pout on his face.

"I don't like them." It took every once of will power not to jump him right there.

"**Pretty boy!**" Boomed through the building, signaling that Pasty was more than ready to record.

"Please kill me now." He said softly.

"Hmmm, don't you wanna wait till I give you your Christmas present?" I mumbled against his lips.

"And what would that entail?" He asked with a suggestive smile as he pressed his lips against mine.

"A little of this," I told him as I kissed him back with more pressure "and this." I finished as tickled the waistband of his jeans lightly.

"Mmm, I'm likin' the sound of _that_." He said with a long moan as I slipped my mouth past his teeth.

"I knew you would." I told him as I pulled away, leaving him looking numb for a moment. I stopped at the doorway, leaning myself against the hinges before blowing him a small kiss. He captured it in his palm and pressed it to him cheek. I laughed lightly before throwing a wave and walking out to meet Kat and Mason.

Tommy Quincy waved Jude good-bye, bringing his fingers to his tingling lips. She always seemed to leave him completely unglued.

* * *

"Yea and after that, we can let Spied eat 10 _Fear Factor Pop-Ups_ again. Wouldn't that be _fun _too?" I said through a feigned smile. Kat gave me a look, asking me why not. 

Seriously?

"In the history of all ideas, that is absolutely the worst."

"But why?"

"I will pull my hair follicles out and eat them before I will enter a karaoke contest. And I would have sex with the corpse of fat Elvis before I sing in a mall. "

"Come on, _I think we're alone now_!" Mason encouraged me.

"Yeah, _ok_ Tiffany. You are not helping your stance any." But instead of dissuading him, I seemed to encourage him even more.

"_There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now. The beating of our hearts is the only sound." _He sang loudly.

The palm of my hand started to tingle painfully as the need to smack him silly was becoming easier to give into. "Shut up Mason." I demanded when thering-leader of the insanity looked over at Mason, Kat and I.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a very special treat! Does Jude Harrison want to give us a little performance?" He asked me.

Every head in the crowd suddenly turned in the direction of the guy's outstretched finger as screams and applause erupted within the building.

Remember when people hated Jude?

Remember when Jude was _getting way fat_?

Remember when Jude's head was _dyspripurshnite _to the rest of her body?

Remember when people hated Jude as a blonde?

She misses that time right now.

So much so, that she feels the need to refer to herself in the third person.

Some people call that crazy… and Jude does too.

The man' teeth shined so brightly that I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head.

What would posses someone to bleach his so white?

Does he think it's physically enticing?

Does he think that will make him more appealing to the opposite sex?

Or possibly the same sex, I don't know him well enough yet.

Kat gave me a huge heave in the direction of the stage as Mason accompanied me. "They didn't ask for you." I muttered to him through a clenched smile.

He let his hat hover slightly over his head and moved it in a waving gesture to the crowd. "Who doesn't love two Instant Stars?" He asked through an easy grin.

"_One more itch, you son of a bitch_." I gritted.

"If this'll make you happier." He retorted as we reached the man with the mic.

Before I realized he had shoved the thing in my face I had let a few obscenities loose all over Mason. "Go get laid up your butt." I told him.

I heard a collective gasp from the audience. (I know what you're thinking: Jude is so smooth. I wish I were as smooth as her. But don't feel bad…everybody else does too. Please note and relish in the sarcasm.) The man with the Hilary Duff teeth cleared his throat uncomfortably and snatched the microphone away from my face. I guess people learn faster than I give them credit for…

"What a special treat!" He exclaimed.

What the hell?

You have a microphone asshole.

That means it amplifies your voice, no need to shout.

He turned towards Mason and I with a gleaming smile that made my head pound, I wish he would back up a few feet. "Would you guys like to give a little performance?" He asked and looked at the crowd of people.

Don't they have to go buy Winder Formal dresses or something? I mean really why the hell are they just standing around like that. I know for a fact that Sadie's kind needs to fill a certain shopping quota or their highlights fade and their neurons begin firing at a normal pace. And thinking can only lead to bad **bad **things.

(I always wish I had a huge booming voice that could say _bad **bad **things _for me. Like on that episode of Sabrina and the fat guy with the grit-curly mullet was like a Zeus kinda thing, and she brought her mortal friend into _The Other Realm _and she got turned into a grasshopper.

I think it was called _Terrible Things _but I couldn't really pay attention to the episode because whenever Harvey would come on screen Sadie would run up and start making out with him. And then she would ask me if he would ever date her. And I would always tell her 'no.' and then she would take the batteries out of the remote and make me put them in my mouth. I was always afraid the acid would leak into my mouth and burn me to death. Sadie is really evil.

Plus she told everyone about me being in love with Mr. Kraft. I actually threw a fit and boycotted _Sabrina _for two months after they fired him off the show. Then I found him on _Hollywood Squares_ and I got my Martin Mull fix every night before _Everwood_.)

"Sure! We'd love to!" Mason said cheerfully. He should be hit in the face. By me. And my flying fists of fury.

That's my new name: Flying Fists of Fury.

I discreetly pinched his ass, but not in a sexual way, in and _'I'm trying to break the skin on your ass so that you can get laid until it grows back'_ way.

"Well how about a nice little Christmas Carol?" Hillary-Duff-Teeth asked me.

Hmm, how about not? I

gritted a smile through clenched teeth as I reached down to pinch Mason's balls when I suddenly had an idea. "Well sure!"I exclaimed, in a voice that would make Andy Hardy proud, and grabbed the microphone from Hillary-Duff-Teeth and shoved my bags on Mason.

"Give me some room cowboy." I whispered to him as I smiled to the crowd. Using my mouth as a beat box and spitting left and right I started my Kwest-inspired rap. I think he would be proud of me.

"_Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, call Mason Fox just to see how he's doin'." _

I winked at Mason and simultaneously threw him a look that said if he didn't join me, my dog would be enjoying his man-parts for dinner. And possibly breakfast depending on his…_size_.

Ok that was probably uncalled for.

Mason sighed and materialized a microphone, continuing on with the song. "_Hello?" _

_"__What up Fox?" _

_"Yo Harrison, what's crackin'?" _

_"You thinkin' what I'm thinking?" _

_"**Narnia!**" _We both shouted before I enthusiastically picked up the next line_. "_

_Man it's happenin'." _

_"__But first, my hunger pangs are stickin' like duct tape!" _

_"Let's hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes!" _

_"No doubt, that bakery's got all da bomb frostings!" _

_"I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling." _

I shouted as Mason echoed _'Gosling, Gosling, Gosling'. _I sucked in a breath of air before as Mason started the second half of the song.

_"Two." _

_"No six!" _

_"No twelve!" _

We looked at each other before sharing the next line with a little too much gusto. _"**BAKER'S DOZEN!**" _

_"__I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes cousin!" _

_"Yo, where's the movie playin'?" _

_"Upper West Side, dude." _

_"Yo, let's hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route!" _Mason cried and whipped out his cell phone, pretending to punch in a few numbers. _"_

_I prefer Map Quest." _

_"That's a good one too!" _

_"Google Maps is the best!" _

_"True dat."_

We looked to each other and then out at the stunned audience _"**DOUBLE TRUE!**" _

_"__68 to Broadway." _

_"Step on it sucka." _

_"__Whacha wanna do Fox?" _

_"__Snack-attack mother fucka!" _

I stopped suddenly as everyone gasped again, staring at Mason in amazement. It felt like the entire mall was still until someone started laughing like an ass. I had a feeling it was Kat. I threw Mason a side-glance, seeing his face so red that it was bleeding into his cowboy hat, before spitting a rhythm into my mic again. It was getting kinda disgusting.

_"It's the Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles of Narnia!" _

_"__Yes the Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles of Narnia!" _

_"We love that Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles pf Narnia." _

_"Pass that Chronic-" _

_"__What?" _

_"-cles of Narnia!" _

_"Yo, stop at the deli. The theater's overpriced." _I shouted as I watched Mason reenter the world of Narnia as he grabbed a shopping bag before his next line.

_"You got that backpack!" _

_"Gonna pack it up nice!" _

_"__Don't want security to get suspicious." _

_"Mr. Pib and Red Vines equals crazy delicious." _

_"Yo, reach in my pocket, pull out some dough." _

_"Girl actin' like she never seen a ten befo'." "_

_It's all about the Loony-toons baby." _

(If you're wondering at this point how well rehearsed and clever we seem, just believe when I say: It's not the first time we've done this before. The first time we did it, all the lyrics were wrong and we sounded stupid. So we looked up the lyrics and since I can't do conversions and Mason just laughed when I asked what _a Hamilton _was, we made up that clever pun. Since our money is a _Loony _

((actually they're really just called _Canadian dollars _but whatever))

and SME was watching the **Loony Toons **while we were looking up the lyrics. But that was just in case you were wondering.)

"_Throw the snacks in the bag." _

_"And I'm **Ghost** like Swayze." _

After a long series of 'do do do do do dos' Mason started the last verse-thingy.

_"__Roll up in the theater." _

_"Ticket buyin' what handlein'." _

_"You can call us Aaron Burr." _

_"From the way we're droppin' Hamilton." _

(We couldn't think of anything Canadian/clever for that one, so we left it. I actually had a few ideas but Mason and I fought so much that it ended with me biting him.)

_"Parked in our seats. Movie trivia is the illest." _

_"What **Friends **alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?" _

_"We answer so fast that we're scary!" _

_"Everyone's gonna know when we scream," _

_"**Mathew Perry!**" _

_"Now quiet in the theater." _

_"Or it's gonna get tragic." _

_"We're about to get taken to a dream world of Magic!" _

_"It's the Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles of Narnia!" _

_"Yes the Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"__-cles of Narnia!" _

_"We love that Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles pf Narnia." _

_"Pass that Chronic-" _

_"What?" _

_"-cles of Narnia!" _

_"Narnia! Narnia! Narnia!" _Mason finished off with a haunting whisper before I emulated the ring of a shotgun.

We looked out to the audience before taking a final bow. It was so quiet I could hear someone wheezing until they exploded in such thunderous laughter and clapping that the sound rafted up to the ceiling and rebounded with furor.

_Stadium Arcadium _anyone? But I really feel bad for anyone who _actually _enjoyed that.

I smiled over at Mason and then at Hillary-Duff-Teeth before pushing Mason off the stage and getting the hell outta there. With Kat hot on our tails, we stumbled to the parking garage.

Our laughter was reminding me of the way my crazy aunt laughed when she super-glued her fingers together at Christmas and then tried to get everyone to put liquor in her Egg Nog, when my cousins had already spiked.

Maybe she's not crazy… I guess she was just plastered off her ass. HA! I wish mom would do that, oh the things she could tell the family…

I hoped in the back with the shopping bags, mainly all Mason's,

(Even Tommy would be horrified at how much this man drops for polos in different colors. The _Extreme Makeover: Home Edition _team hasn't seen this many shades of _fuchsia._

**The sales lady, (Reminding me so much of a cross Janice Dickson and Jay Leno that I had to a double take. It was like a twisted episode of _Desperate Housewives, _packed into one long-chinned, bearded, balloon-boobed crazy woman. Ok, maybe I'm being too mean.) walked up to us with a more than dignified air. **

**What would I call it…well let's just say that even Liam would be like 'is that stick shoved far enough up your ass? No really, answer me.' And then demand a response because he's a dumbass and he likes to make people feel inadequate. **

**I think he's really compensating for his tiny penis. I mean it can't be _that _huge if he goes around grabbing himself all day. **

**Here's my theory: He's really small, which explains why he feels himself. **

**There are two other sub-possibilities for the constant self-love/touching: He is constantly thinking about how small his wiener is, so he constantly feels the need to see if it's still there and didn't like… _shrivel up_ or disappear or something. **

**The other motivation for the persistent crotch grabbing could be that he wants to convince everyone that he's packing heat, and gropes himself to get the thoughts of his penis out there. And with an ego like his, most people would _assume_ he's backing it up with something. **

**But Sadie told me…_things._ We'll just say that she is picky over her men and she's not dating Liam for an array of reasons. (One of them being his inability to smile. Seriously, is it _that_ hard?) **

**But what was I talking about before? **

**… Oh yeah! The sales lady. **

**She came up to Mason, looking pointedly at his hat. Did she really expect him to take it off? **

**"Is there anything I could help you with sir?" I stepped in at this point, itching for _some _fun. **

**"Actually it's _ma'am_." She looked at me meanly and then jabbed a forefinger in Mason's direction. **

**"I believe I was speaking to the young man. But is there anything I can help _you _with?" **

**Ok bitch. You wanna _Bring it On_? **

**I'll _Bring it On Again. _**

**"Yes I am aware that you were speaking to my _lady _friend. _Her _name is…" Damn it!What should I say?"_Amanda." _**

**I can always count on _Friends _to help me out in these situations. I remember this one episode, I think it was Monica and Chandler's engagement party, and Rachel had to show Chandler's cross-dressing father around. **

**But she mistook this other lady for Chandler's dad and when she asked the woman her name she's was like "Amanda." And Rachel was like "Oooo, that's clever. _A-man-duh_!" And I laughed for days. **

**I continued on with the woman, not quite finished. "And _she _would love to be directed to the _woman's _department, seeing that _she _is a _woman_." **

**I shouted and pulled Kat and Mason out of the store with me. The whole thing absurdly reminded me of a _Grey's Anatomy _episode where this girl was actually not a girl, she was both. And she sat in her hospital drawing creepy cartoons while George asked if she was sexually promiscuous. **

**If people think he's awkward _now_, they should get him to ask _Tommy _if he's sexually promiscuous. Then he'll _really _be awkward. **

It's really surprising how fast Mason can drop trou in a dressing room to try on a pair of pants. I guess he has practice.), as Kat climbed in the passenger's seat, next to the shopping diva.

Except I learned the term for a male diva is _divo, _from an episode of _My Super Sweet Sixteen_.

I really want to be friends with those kids because you still get to go the party but you don't look like the bitch. You look like the moocher. And I'm ok with that.

_"Snack Attack motherfu-_" started until I stared out my window. Mason turned his head towards my line of vision and immediately stalled the car.

"Call G-Major." I demanded, with my face plastered against the window. Anyone walking by would probably think that my brain wasn't working. Why would a person shove her nose against the window of a car, with her nose looking very pig-ish, and breathe so roughly against the glass that it looked like she was panting.

* * *

Alrighty, I left you with a mini-cliff hanger. Nothing too drastic :o) I hope you guys liked the chapter and I think you know the routine to make me happy, but I'll refresh your memory. Click that review button, tell me what you thought of the chapter/general story, make me happy! lol a sneak at next chapter... Jude attempts to teach Tommy something new; but he leaves her with a surprise. And more holiday cheer in the middle of June!

Rachel :o)


	3. Who's Next?

I absolutely love you guys! I am so glad you all liked the chapter so much! I really want to thank **Tommy4eva **((lol, I was sitting at my computer and I was like 'how would Tommy react'. I'm glad you liked it!))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((Hillary's all horsey to begin with. Then she got her enormous, chopping veneers and she's sucks her cheeks in. It's like a train wreck that I can't look away from. I totally agree about Jamie, sometimes I don't even notice his forehead, but in _I fought the Law _I was like 'woaw!'))

**LuvTommy56 **((I'm so glad you liked it!))

**Judeh05 **((When I was picturing Jude and Mason rapping, I got a flash of Tim from _Pure _too. And then I was like 'He can never be as hot' lol.))

**iamthatplace **((Oh my God, you totally just mentioned my favorite episode of House! I completely _love _that line he feeds to that dad! I heart Scrubs but I haven't seen it in forever. But is it weird that I think J.T. is hot? lol, I refused to see _House of Wax _so I'm completely relying on that fact that what you said was bad lol!))

**Tanya50801 **((I'm so glad you liked it! I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint!))

**pixiestix **((Ah,I totally edited that part out and now I'm sad. I was gonna have Jude teach TOmmy to ice skate, but he was already going to know. Exterme fluff potential. Can I jus tell how much I loved your smilie face?

0 0

(

AH! I love it. I don't know if the stupid thing will let me paste it correctly, but just know that I copy and pasted your ridculously awesome smilie! I'm so glad you liked it so much! I think if anything ever came out of my nose, I would cry and never want it to happen again lol))

**Varely990 **((Oh how I love the Barbie story! I think if any of my friends ever did that, they wouldn't be my friend anymore lol. And your mom caught him? HAHAHA, that is too traumatizingly funny! I'm so glad you liked it!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((Idid getthe line from NSTB lol! Sadie's bra is actually from France and I die a little inside everytime I see that scene! lol, I completely love SME. They are my life, and my most favorite three-some in the world. Ok that sounds weird, but it was actually completely innocent in my head lol! I'm so glad you liked it!))

**smileon **((lol I saw an episode of _My Super Sweet Sixteen _and he was like 'I am a male diva! I am a divo!' and I was like 'I love you!' lol, so I think it's sort of a real word. I'm glad you liked it!))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you loved it!))

You guys are the best people in the world! I hope you all like this chapter!

* * *

Chapter 2:_ Who's Next?_

"Well where are you guys?" I heard Sadie's irritated tone from where I was sitting. Kat sighed tiredly, already having explained our shared inability to read signs.

"Gimme her." I whispered and took the phone to my ear.

"It's an outdoor ice rink with an enormous tree in the middle and human sized, operating jingle bells. It is the _only _outdoor skating rink that resembles the one from that scene in _Elf, _in all of Toronto. And do not tell me you haven't seen that movie. I know you remember when I made you watch it after I totally covered your ass with the whole Simon thing."

"Simon who?" Come on Sadie, you can't debate about smart stuff that I couldn't even blow out of my ass and then pretend not to know what the hell I'm talking about.

"Simon from the photo shoot." The other end was silent.

"SADIE!" I cried. "Just bring everyone or I'll tell mom that _you _were the one who cut her bangs with the Barbie scissors two years ago."

"But that was you."

"But I am not the one who insisted on crimping my hair every damn day for two years. I'll tell mom it was your sneaky way of covering up the uneven ends."

"Shut up Jude! You straightened your hair with a clothing iron once."

"Just get here, you whore." I huffed and ended the call. I looked up to see Mason staring at me with wide and shocked eyes.

Oh, yea.

He's not used to Sadie and mine's kind of sisterly love. It's quite endearing. But Kat had been seeing it since the day I wiped the dirt off her Blow-Pop on the playground in grade 3 and she came to my house afterwards. There was biting and kicking and screaming after Sadie asked Kat if her hair was a wig and made her cry.

_An hour later…_

Kat, Mason and I circled the rink as I saw almost all of G-Major pile out of two cars. Publicity stunt anyone? This is worse than the time Nick and Jessica told everyone they were gonna have a baby. And look how _they _turned out. It should be a lesson to all of us. I skated to the ledge of the rink as Christmas carols blasted from the other end.

"Where's Tom?" I asked curiously. Spied sauntered up to me with a look.

"Can't go a day without him Over-rated?" He is such a butt hole.

"Just like you can't go a day without the Brad Pitt issue of Playgirl, Skid mark." I retorted without even looking at him. I felt his presence back away as I stood on the jagged toe of the skates to see farther.

"He's recording with Craig." E.J. told me but elaborated on my hurt look. I know first hand about how anal Tom Quincy is about stuff like this, but who wants to pass this up? "Darius made them stay. He's still on the war path about Portia and the kid."

She told me as her cell pounded _Won't Get Fooled Again_. Jaded much? No seriously, let me go through a nice list of all the Bitter G-Major Employees:

-Liam (he screams bitter. Seriously, I bet if I bit him he would taste like a coffee bean. But I would never bite him. Under any circumstance. Is it bad that even _cir**cum**stance _sounds dirty to me right now?)

-E.J. (Who fooled her? I'm really thinking its Tommy. They are my new mission, I'm gonna be like frickin' Al Pacino-circa _The Insider_ all over their asses. Maybe Tommy's more than E.J.'s though.)

-Sadie (She's bitter about Tommy and I'm pretty sure she's bitter about Liam. I watched her cut him off in queue to get skates and then she made a face. But it was a bonafied Sadie face. The only thing worse than that is being pelted with doughnuts. Only Tommy and I have had to face that. At least he got the small ones, I got big and sprinkled ones all up in my face one time… no, two times.)

-Darius (It's like a fact that you have to be jaded and acidic to make it big in the mogul industry. I would gladly shoot Darius in the chest 9 times to give him a certain edge. And Tommy married his sister. But he's so protective of Portia that I really feel like re-exploring the whole _Jerry Lee Lewis _thing with those two.)

_Who's Next?_

-Portia (She's gotta be jaded, she was married to Tommy. Being cynical comes with the territory of being with Tommy. That and checking for Herpes breakouts.) Just as I was about to explore the possibilities of that intern that I fell over that one time I smelt a skank. It was hitting me in the face and when I turned around a skank's ass was pretty much hitting me in the face.

"Well _hello _Jude." Screw her and her fake niceness. I'm so going Ashlee-Lindsay on her ass.

"Jeez, you smell like a dumpster. Did they cut off your water again? Do you need some work because I see a few potential clients around?"

I told her and accidentally pointed to a Santa ringing a bell with a little bucket for donations to a charity. Well I guess ever _he _needs to get laid, but that's what Mrs. Clause is for. Duh.

"I saw you on SNL, still a lonely girl with a guitar I see." Up yours Taylor.

"Eden I seriously suggest that you and your incredibly round and fat-filled ass away from me."

"Why don't you get away from me first Harrison?"

"Ok, I'll do that."

And then I murmured _slut _under my breath as I skated past her. She whipped around and grabbed my arm. It started to hurt so I squirmed.

"You know what," she growled and looking me square in eyes. Ok if she gets on inch closer I am so going ballistic on her ass, that is just too close for me.

"Denny died."

"Excuse me?"

"Izzie's Denny dies."

"What?" She is making that up!

"Meredith and McDreamy have sex."

"STOP!" She is ruining my life!

"Meredith has to choose between him and McVet." I was so close to slapping her face that I could smell it. Wait… ok that was weird.

"And Doc dies too."

"BITCH!" I screamed and lunged myself at her. We were caught up in a mess of blonde hair, faded jeans and eyeliner when I felt something sharp delve into my leg.

The pain seared through me like Natasha Bedingfield's gums before I let my head fall back against the ice while irony bitch-slapped me in the face with an opportune playing of _Winter Wonderland_. For those of you that scratch your heads, let it be known that the moments before I died, I was thinking about my crazy aforementioned Egg-Nog drinking aunt. One year, I guess after downing _a lot _of spiked Egg-Nog she got up on a coffee table and sang _Winter Wonderland _with her own set of lyrics. **"_Walkin' in my Winter Underpants!_" She shouted drunkenly at my little cousins. Oh hell. I knew it was coming before the monstrosity reveled itself but I couldn't save anyone. Not even myself. On _Underpants _Aunt Mary-Ellen let her pants drop, showing _everyone _her _winter underpants_, or lack-there-of. It was a sickening sight. **

Tommy Quincy paced the waiting room of Northwest Hospital after receiving a call from Sadie in the middle of his session with Craig.

**He had already been pissed about not going on the mini-field trip and even more pissed that he was stuck with Craig. **

**"Should I break up with Manny? **

**I mean we have such a history and I always find myself running back to her. **

**But I feel something so _different _and _liberating _with Portia. **

**She gets me. **

**She lets me be me." **

**Tommy just wanted to vomit all over him. Or pee on his annoying backpack. Even though he wouldn't admit it, it was the same way he felt about Jude. He didn't want to have to share his feelings with some punk who needed a haircut. **

**His phone hummed Jude's _Stupid Girl _cover, alerting Tommy that Sadie was calling. He hesitated but then huffed and opened his phone. **

**"Hello?" **

**"Tommy!" He heard her cry frantically. He felt the pit of his stomach drop, fearing the worst already. **

**"What's the matter?" **

**"It's Jude!" She cried as Tommy felt his heart stop inside of him. He dropped his phone and sped off for his car with Craig behind him.**

He didn't want Manning to come with him, but he proved to be helpful in communicating with the rest of the group. The two reached the hospital, greeted by E.J. who was still on the phone. She ushered them over to sit and wait for Sadie,

He felt it nearly impossible to sit still and walked the length of the marbled tiles, hearing the jingle of bells every few seconds. He jumped every time but almost left his skin as Sadie approached them after visiting a conscious Jude.

"What? Is she ok? Can I go see her?" Tommy demanded immediately. Sadie shot him a look and then focused on the whole group.

"Eden's skate went through enough skin for stitches and the blades were sketchy so she needs to come back tomorrow so they can check for infections. They already gave her as many anti-biotics as they could force into her system."

Tommy drowned her out as he saw Jude being wheeled from the patient wing, gabbing with Kat incessantly.

"They had to put her under semi-anesthesia, and it's still wearing off. There are a few side effects."

"Hey girl." Tommy said softly as he approached Jude.

"Hello to you to MISTER!" Jude shouted and gave him a friendly jab in the arm. Except it was really hard and Tommy felt himself fall backwards and falter slightly.

_Jude..._

"God! Have you seen the size of my fingers! They're like little midgets on my hands!" I screamed.

WOW, I can talk loud! I got out of the chair, feeling like those old ladies that use them as little cars downtown all the time. I would totally race other oldies if I were them. I heard Darius say something about catering to my needs and taking me back to the Studio since my parents aren't home.

"Liam, you are in charge while I'm in the meeting." I heard Darius say distinctly. Hmmm…

…

…

…Liam is _so_ at my mercy.

"Is there anything I can do for you Miss Harrison?"

"Yes there is Liam… FARTWAY! You know… I would love to see you shake your Laffy Taffy." I watched Liam look at me, completely puzzled.

"I would show you Mr. Chik-O-Stik, but I'm not quite the Mrs. Bubble Gum you're looking for. Spied, Kyle, could you guys help me out here?"

Don't look at me weird!

Spied is a fabulous freak-dancer and Wally and Kyle had a contest on tour to see how many groupies they could get to strip if they sang Laffy Taffy, which called for learning the lyrics. Kyle had 12 and Wally had none. Poor Wally. The two looked at me incredulously and I just pointed to my shin.

"Darius said so." I told them with a reprimanding tone. Kyle huffed loudly as Spied stood up uncomfortably. Why do people listen to me? "_Girl, shake that laffy_," He mumbled almost silently.

"I don't think I can hear you! And Spied I have yet to see your ass bounce up and down. I know that Darius has a pole in his office, we could all migrate if you wanted."

"_taffy. That laffy taffy. Shake that laffy taffy. That laffy taffy. Girl, shake that laffy taffy. That laffy taffy!"_ He started off timidly but Kyle picked up and I almost got up and Krumped.

"_CANDY GIRL_!" Mason shouted in time with Kyle. And that was the beginning of a beautiful duet.

What is with Mason lately?

I turned my head to Spied while Kyle and Mason continued in the background. _"I'ma toss da laffy taffy. Toss it, flip it and slap it_."

Spiederman looked around at the group solemnly before pumping his arms towards and away from his chest at a neck breaking rhythm, while his bounced his legs up and down against the floor.

But I would give away all the memories I have ever stored if I could always keep the mental picture of Spied's face.

It was a mix between unpleasant constipation and overly dramatized concentration. His brow was furrowed and knit like a wool sweater; his tongue was out but pressed firmly between his lips while he opened his eyes wide and then squeezed them tight at spastic intervals.

It was all quite a sight.

Portia suddenly walked by, making her presence known with her clomping stiletto's and stopped to stare at the sight. The three submissively sat down while I looked to Liam calmly.

"Would _that_ be possible? I could give you a backbeat. Or is _saltshaker _more your thing. I could find someone to get you naked and soakin' wet, if you'd find it easier to shake your junk that way. And then…" I scratched my chin for emphasis before inhaling loudly.

"You may get me a brownie and another brownie and another brownie and another brownie and another brownie and another brownie and another brownie-"

"Jude," Tommy started on a laugh.

I shot him the evilest look I could muster and I think he thought that I had something…

I mean I think…

I can't think.

I can only…

I can do nothing.

I would say something about loving drugs right here, but I can't think of how to word it. WAIT! Lemme try… _I love drugs_. I think that gets the point across. I am so pithy.

"PITHY!" I shouted. "What?" Oh yeah, they can't hear my thoughts I shrugged it off.

"Do not, '_Jude'_, me! You can pull your Squinty Frown-ship…ness… on someone else! Because I want another brownie and another brownie and another brownie."

Tommy got the point that I had stopped speaking to him through my brownie tangent and I felt him sit next to me. I looked at Liam incredulously.

"Why are you not writing this down?" He stuttered pathetically. "Don't make me tell Darius." I warned while he just stood there.

"Would you like me to say it in an accent so that you can be reminded of home or should I just smack your receding hairline scared?" I asked him but didn't wait for a response.

"And I need for you to change the date of today and make it October 31st because I have always wanted to hear your Darth Vadar voice. I guess Jamie could be your Luke since you represent all that is evil and wrong with the world, while Jamie is your opposite. Although one could argue the same thing about Ash and Pikachu…"

I don't really think you could because I heard Wally stir in his seat like ants were crawling up his ass. He has quite the love of Pokemon. He says he's going to marry Misty. But I doubt it; she's such a flake.

"And then you can get me Bob Barker's phone number, because I would really like to be on that show. I really would. It's a dream of mine… you can listen to all of my dreams once you come back with those brownies, Liam."

I told him in a dismissive tone. I guess he took the hint and started to turn around to leave. Just because my _tone _indicated that I wished for his departure, doesn't mean I was _actually _finished with him.

"Get your Irish tail back here or I'll make Tommy smack it." I threatened as he stopped in his tracts and turned around with a strained grin.

"I would also like for you to learn how to smile. And you may hand me my notebook because I feel like writing a song about people who don't know how to smile. And I would also like you to wear a sign that says _'pinch my nipples if you want me to smile'_ and even if it hurts you have to smile. Or I'll tell Darius. You can also fly Madonna in, because I want to see what kind of felt she uses for her Kabala bracelet." I paused. Hmmm.

"Is there anything _else _Ms. Harrison?" He asked.

"Don't interrupt me. As long as this silly shit is coursing through me, you are my bitch. So, bitch, I would like for you to tell me that you like your nickname." I watched him sigh.

"Just for that you have to say it and then bend over."

"Why?" Jamie cut in.

"Don't make me relive the memories of when you thought a dude was a girl in study hall once and then proceeded to tell me how she/he was checking you out the whole bell. That will only lead to hurt for you and demeaning laughter for me. Now, bitch, please say it and bend over." Liam huffed so loudly he could have blown all the little piggie's houses down.

"I like my nicdhdsf". What now?

"What was that Liam? I didn't quite catch it."

"I like my nickname." He said through his teeth.

"Bend over." Tommy said next to me. Liam shot him a look.

"I will not hesitate to call Darius and tell him that you… _molested_ me. NOW BEND OVER STEVE IRWIN!" I shouted.

I watched in sheer amusement as Liam bent over in front of me. I looked at his Armani clad ass in front of me and swung my hand back as far as I possibly could.

It was _so _satisfying to hear him yelp as my hand made sharp and loud contact with his rear-end.

"Now, say 'Thank you ma'am. May I have another?'" I demanded.

"NO!" Came his muffled reply. I knew he wouldn't like that.

"Say it right this minute."

"I will not do that."

"DARIUS! LIAM TOUCHED M-"

"Thank you ma'am,"

"Ma'am is listening."

"… may I… may I have another?"

"Yes you may." I replied and swung my hand more fiercely and smacked his butt as hard as I possibly could.

Liam stood up, with no dignity left and rubbing his ass, and glared at me. What? I take advantage of the things that come my way. But whatever.

"Please don't touch yourself in front of me, it's not something I want to look at. Now what else could you do for me? … I want a life size Napoleon Dynamite cutout for the studio. And every time Tommy makes me redo a good take, I want you to force him to make out with it. With visible tongue. I would be better if the cutout talks, so I expect you to be on that." I saw Liam smirk and glance at Tommy. I didn't even want to look at him right then.

Wait, normal thought flow.

I flexed my fingers in front of me.

Motor skills are back.

I think the 'silly shit' is wearing off. Oh well, _who has to know_?

"Could you get me a spot on _Jeopardy_? But I need for you to look into the whole 'getting things right' aspect of the game, or the whole 'no outside help thing' cause I would want Jamie there in my posse. You can also buy an alligator for me. But I need you to store him at your house because no one is at mine. You may also bring me a large pistol. So that I can gun Eden down. Well at least deflate her fake boobs, I think killing her would be a little drastic."

Just as I was rambling about Eden, a UPS guy came and handed Liam a box. "Just sign here." He said to Liam, who gladly took the diversion.

"LIAM!" I shouted. He looked up at me, thoroughly annoyed. "You may also break me off a piece of dat ass!"

I shouted and made the international 'TAKE IT OFF' gesture at the mailman.

…

…

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and felt myself securely in someone's arms. I looked up and blinked at Tommy a few times.

"Who's ass?" He asked me softly with only a hint of innuendo.

"Yours." I told him groggily and woke myself up enough to press my lips against his.

* * *

okey dokey, I really hope you guys liked that chapter! So tell me, review, review, review because I'm pretty much addicted to you guys:o)


	4. Forty Licks

I love all of you guys! You are so sweet to me! I really want to thank **Tayna50801 **((I'm so glad you like it! I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint!))

**iamthatplace **((Phew, I thought I was weird about the whole J.T. thing! I sorta have this urge to hit guys that actually laugh like 'hahaha' I want them to find a brain and stop doing it lol. I think Tommy will forever join in on the 'I hate Liam Club' I was starting to warm up to Liam, especially after _Hallelujah_, and then he was a total douche in the season finale that I could barely look at him. I thought about joining a support group when I.S. went off but then I just threw myself into the FF world and I'm all better lol!))

**smileon **((I think everyone should be on _silly shit _because it just makes life more fun! If I had the chance, I really don't know if I was spank Liam. It would probably be really weird... lol))

**Tommy4eva **((my brother routinely makes fun of me about ff lol. And yes, I made everything a dream because I didn't think the characters would be able to rebound after such a Jude whipping, lol. And it leaves the possibility for more dreams!))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you love it!))

**tommys21 **((lol, I'm really glad you liked it. While I was writing, I was like, how can I top everything I have ever done. And it the outcome was weird/funny lol))

**jackjakio **((Don't worry, I memorized the rap myself. I didn't even need to pull up my I-tunes because I knew it all lol. I completely narrate my life. Like when Jude was chocking in Bang Theory, that was how I basically chocked one time. That's what I was thinking the whole time. Minus the Tommy part, which is mildly despressing. Actually it's really depressing! You have my utmost sympathies and wishes of luck on your finals! I just finished mine a week ago and they totally sucked! I'm so glad you like the story!))

**Judeh05 **((I think when she goes back the doctor's I'll have to fit in an at least dazed Jude! lol, I love your smilies!))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((I forsee the liability lol I think I have probably dreamed about smacking Liam's ass and this was my subconscience trying to tell me to make the dream a reality. Except the _Caption This _thread on DLS has put some scary thoughts in my head about Darius and Liam... oh la la!))

I should put a warning on this chapter: CONTAINS SERIOUS JOMMINESS! lol, who doesn't love Jommy? I totally do! So on with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 4_: Forty Licks_

"Ah the beauty of _sexual harassment_ in the work place." Spied said snidely as he came between Tommy and I. He is so begging for a nice bruise on his face.

Of course Tommy would be the one inflicting the pain and I would be the one torn between cheering and looking for popcorn and shouting for them to stop fighting. I'm such a bad spectator.

"_Jommy_, you guys are adorable." Mason cooed as he passed us. Déjà vu anyone? Does Mason realize that he is impossibly redundant?

"Hey! How come Tommy gets his _ommy _and I only get my _J_? I don't think that's very fair!" I shouted.

Seriously. It's worse than the whole Brad only getting his **Br **thing, because _I'm_ the one getting duped. It really sucks. "We could change it if you want." Tommy told me nicely. That look doesn't fool me pretty boy. He totally loves that he gets almost his entire name and I only get a letter.

"It's the damn _J_!" I said with fury. No really, _J _totally screws things up. Look at what I have had to deal with:

When I was with Shay: _Jay_

When I was with Spiederman: _Juderman _(Ok, I got my whole name there, but it sounds like a screwed up super hero that gets drunk at bars all the time and Superman has to bail his ass out all the time.)

The only time it ever worked for me was when I was with Jamie. First off, no one really cared enough to give us a name and I just called us _J squared. _I thought that was pretty clever but Tommy always told me to go write something when I would tell him about it. He's such a butt sometimes.

I watched him shift to make himself more comfortably on the couch as his head rested awkwardly along a cushion. I put my hands under his head lightly and persuaded him to move. I held myself against his shoulder while his head came and fell against mine. It reminded me eerily of my birthday. At the thought of that night I felt my stomach twirl, remembering his words.

"**Sadie and I... we weren't right." He told me cryptically. Why is he telling me this? And besides why can he even say that? She broke up with him. I was there, she hurled doughnuts and made a scene in G-Major. I even remember throwing the phrase _'oh fritter' _about. Except then they got back together and then I talked to Portia and shoved him into a hot tub. That was kinda stupid. I felt my head spin like the _Tilt-A-Whirl_ from the summer carnival while his eyes bore into me. **

**"Why?" I heard myself ask. I watched the word gloat over to him and all I wanted to do was snatch it back and stuff it back in my mouth. **

**"You know exactly why." He told me simply. And despite my conflicting thoughts, I knew why. I knew it was me. Because it was always him. **

I stirred underneath him and shifted my head so that I could look at him. "I still have your red jackety fleece thing."

"What red jackety fleece thing?"

"The one I took after we got unlocked from the studio space." I saw his face remain blank and I was starting to get annoyed. Are people really as stupid as I perceive them to be? Spied suddenly walked by again with a small chuckle.

"Do you mean the fleece with the black lining? Smells kinda dingy?"

"Yea."

"That's the homeless dude's jacket."

"Which homeless dude?"

"The one me and Kyle adopted."

"What?"

"Yea, he hangs out in the rehearsal space when it's cold out. Actually, he could be a she… it's hard to tell."

"How noble of you. What if he or she set up a meth lab in the space?"

"Then he or she sets up a meth lab in the space and I will be visiting much more frequently. Especially if it's a girl…" Um, _ew_.

(Spied has become quite desperate though. His fan mail is decreasing by the day and there's this one girl that screams _stalker_. I'm not even kidding her letters are always the same, but they seem to become creepier every day. Did I mention that she writes every day? Because she does. I remember the one from a few days ago. **"Spied! She wrote again." Jamie shouted through the studio and SME and I came running. **

**"Of course she wrote. She writes every day." Kyle said. **

**"Shut up." Jamie said defensively. **

**"I'm gonna go get Pasty." I warned as Spied tore open the letter. **

**"Read it." Wally pleaded. **

**"Smell it." Spied told us as he passed around the fourteen pages of hand-written craziness. **

**"Is that?" **

**"She likes to call it 'Spied Swagger'." ****He told us. **

**HEY! That little bitch, only I get to use that. Well I guess I don't anymore. Whatever. After we had all taken in the odor that was faintly Spied-like he read an excerpt. **

**"'_I know that you can't write back to me. It used to upset me and I would blog about it on my myspace. And then I realized that you are so busy recording the rumored SME album, due to start recording as soon as all contracts and legal affairs are organized, so I don't blame you anymore. This is what a picture of our children will look like. Well I factored in the nose-job you will have to get once we get married but other than that, this is little Regina-George_.' HEY! My nose isn't big! Is it Harrison?" ****He asked with a squeak in his voice and turned to me. **

**"No. I like your nose." I told him reassuringly. **

**He nodded his head, but mentioned nothing about the fact that his future child is going to be named after a Plastic. And I know he saw _Mean Girls _with me. He actually _demanded_ to see it. But I think he was too distracted at the image of Rachel McAdams in a bunny outfit. Whatever, he's gross. He crinkled the paper lightly and held it up to his face before continuing. **

**"_'I found your address on a fan site yesterday. I'm going to come visit. Did you know that I was at every one of Jude's concerts? But not to see her, I hate her. I saw you every night and then I would go home and dream about you. I remember one dream where you came into my room while I was taking a shower and when I got out you were sitting on my bed and then I accidentally dropped my towel-' _I'm gonna, uh, skip around." He said nervously and chuckled. **

**"_'I also calculated all steps you took on stage and then figured how many you took in your day-to-day life and with a simple equation I figured how many steps you will ever take in a lifetime. And then I did the same for myself and our numbers match perfectly. We are destined, no one can convince me otherwise. And if they try… well I don't think they will like the outcome. I found the towel you used at the concert in Ann-Arbor this summer. I nailed a screw in my wall and now it's hanging there. I wiped it all over this letter before I sent it to you. It smells like you. And I smell the towel before I go to bed every night. And in the mornings, after I wash my face, I use the towel to dry off. But you scent is running out. I'll have to come see you soon to find a new towel. Or I could just move in with you so that I would wipe you over all the time._' I think that's enough!" **

**Spied said again and folded the papers up messily and shoved them in his back pocket. Wow those fangirls like it smutty.**)

"Ya know what Spied?" I started. I know for a fact that Spied used to have an obsession with his…_feces_ in third grade and I think it may have gone to his head and depleted his brain mass substantially. "What?" He challenged.

"You're making it up." I stated. He looked at me and then stuck his tongue out. I don't wanna see that. Not after I know that it's been in my mouth.

"I am not!" What a baby.

"I have a hard time believing anything you say since you didn't even win the bet you made with Wally that you could wash your hands after peeing for a week."

"I won that!"

"No dude, you actually had to pay me like two minutes later. And they have fans in the bathroom for a reason."

"SHUT UP!" Spied said embarrassedly. Do we always fight this much? We're like Liza and David.

"What did you do this time?" Jamie asked as he settled next to Tommy and I on the couch.

"_ME_?"

"I smell another SME bloodbath. Do you remember what happened last time?"

"_Yes _**Jammy,** I remember."

"What happened last time?" Tommy interjected, but not looking over at us.

His eyes were fixed in front of him and as I turned my head a long low growl rang through the building. I saw Spied immediately release his ninja grip from around Wally's neck, Kyle untangled his hands from Spied's hair and Wally stopped his leg midair, that would have sailed right between Kyle's legs, as everyone turned to watch Pasty.

She was like a raving mad woman while she swung a microphone from the chord, the head trailing a dangerous path in front of her. Spied slowly backed away, while Kyle and Wally just made a break for it.

"Should I be doing something?" Jamie whispered.

Um… I don't really know. I just shrugged, with my mouth hanging open.

"I feel like I'm watching a crossover between _Run's House _and _Hogan Knows Best_." I said. "

I don't." Jamie replied, looking at me earnestly. "This is like that episode of _Buffy _when-"

I just tuned him out right there because he was starting to piss me off. And not because he felt the need to correct me constantly, or that he gave me _no _smart points. It's because he made me feel totally left out. Am I the only one who didn't jump on the _Buffy _train? Seriously. I tried to pick up on the third season, but I was completely lost. And I can't be all 'Oh _Buffy _is stupid' because I honestly have no idea. It makes me sad and puts me in a dark place.

DAMN YOU JAMIE!

"Shut up and watch. Or shut up and do something." I interrupted and saw a look of contemplation sweep over Jamie's face as he sat up and sat back at least three times before he resolved and crept towards his insane girlfriend.

"Pasty…" He coaxed gently.

_Wrong!_

She flung her head behind her like a rabid animal and bore her teeth. Seriously what is she thinking? "Why don't you put that down?"

**Wrong! **

Jeez, is Jamie getting stupider? But surprisingly, Pasty let the microphone drop next to her as she continued to advance on Jamie. I guess it was detrimental to the whole 'I'm gonna kill Jamie' thing.

"Do you want to um…" Jamie tried, searching for the words. I know he doesn't run very fast but I think flight would be his safest bet. Really. I don't want to be his eugoogoly. If Zoolander think he's a bad eugoogalizor, he has no idea. I have as much verbal grace as Larry David. "PASTY, look! BLOOD!" Jamie screamed and pointed to the other end of the room.

_**Wrong! **_

_I'll take dead man walking for 800 Alex_.

It seemed like time literally slowed as she thrust herself through the air and latched herself to Jamie. Very violently. Is she high?

"Come on! _Don't hate on me_!" He shouted. Has he lost all senses? I can't even fathom why that would ever come out his mouth.

Seriously, there is no way one can defend quoting _Jenny From the Block_. There is nothing that can save him. The only thing that could make this worse for him is if-

"_We can get right before the night is up_!" He cried desperately and tried to wrench his crazy girl friend off his legs.

Well I was going to say it could only be worse if quoted _All I Have_, that weird ass single with LL Cool Jay about how she giggles '_right before he puts it down', _but this was just as bad. Maybe _badder_.

Is that a word?

Well I think this mess that Jamie has created calls for a little butchering of the English language.

It's _badder_.

"_Be easy don't make decisions when you're mad_." Jamie pleaded as Pasty jumped off and went for the microphone again.

I spoke too soon.

_That _was badder.

No… that was just horrifying. Has he developped an obsession with her? Is her booty that mesmorizing? Jamie should be locked away. Or his job should be revoked. I'm sorry to say he has lost all credibility and respect I ever held for him. Wait till I tell Kat. And his statement also calls for a:

**WRONG!**

Pasty looked like an angry, wild boar. I felt Tommy lean over slightly.

"Should we leave?" I looked back at him incredulously.

"Are you serious?" I asked him.

_Who _would want to miss _this_? And besides if Jamie needs medical assistance no one can count on SME to do it. He merely nodded his head in mute response.

"What could possibly be better than this?" I asked him. I watched him lean in and suddenly his breath was tickling my ear deliciously.

"I can think of _something_." Yea, so could I. But I am _so_ not gonna do it with Tommy in a sound booth. Or his office. And if we just started on the couch I think we might get in trouble.

"Shut up and watch Quincy."

"Yes ma'am." He told me. I whipped my head towards him and he shot me a knowing look. When I hit his arm lightly he only raised his eyebrows, maintaining his smirk.

"You talk in your sleep girl." He divulged mysteriously. Whatever, he didn't even know who I was dreaming about.

I was about to say something along those lines to him when I heard Jamie emit the girliest scream ever known to mankind. Seriously it was worse than that guy in Beethoven when he was getting his ass munched off by a little dog.

"PASTY! Don't!" He shrieked and ran away, taking the fight too far for me to walk.

"Jamie you are stupider than a lazy pyro!" Spied shouted from somewhere in the building and we watched all of SME running from the same doorway.

Is it bad that that makes sense to me?

Seriously what could be worse than someone who is not only lazy but also obsessed with fire? That is possibly the worse combination since peanut butter and jelly. Seriously, who even likes that? It tastes like death. Really, if death had a taste it would be the putrid mixture of peanut butter and jelly. I can feel myself gagging at the mere thought. Oh God. That is _so _bad.

"Should I be worried?"

"Why?"

"Well Liam is locked in his office and Darius is still in that meeting. That leaves me alone in the evil Trinity." Tommy told me.

"Well go get Liam, then it won't be your fault."

"I'm afraid of what I'll find." He told me.

Legitimate concern, but he was being a baby. I looked at him square in the face and then demanded that he help me up.

"The doctor said-"

"At running the risk of angering and insuring the wrath of Dr. House, I don't really care." He sighed and looked my disheveled state up and down before relenting and extending a hand. I clung to it ardently and attempted to walk and yell at him simultaneously.

"Don't look at me like I'm homeless and begging for money. I had an ice skate in my leg. What's your excuse for that fo-hawk?" I asked him through gritted teeth as I attempted to latch onto the wall. I felt him release my hand and pat his gelled hair.

"What wrong with it?"

"Nothing idiot I was just-" I started and let out a shrill cry as I tipped and fell to the floor.

"Oh my God. Girl, I am so sorry." He apologized as he tried to help me up.

"_You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you_." I recited as I grasped his hand desperately.

"Help me!" I demanded and tried to plant one foot against the ground. I grunted as my knee gave way with pain and I felt Tommy bend down and invade the little space I had to myself.

"Don't be too frisky." I told him on a laugh. But I suddenly felt his arms pulling me up. I let out another small scream as he hoisted me into the air.

I half expected him to throw me over his should like Princess Paleolithic but I felt his arm swoop along my neck as he splayed his hand against my back and cradled me. I looked up at him and smiled softly. It felt nice in his arms, so I let my head loll against his chest languidly.

He walked us through the building while the rhythm of his _step-step-breathe-step-step-breathe_ hypnotized me into a light sleep. I snuggled closer as I felt his head dip along my cheek. His lips pressed softly against my skin while his breath teased me again; I felt his hand slip lower along my back.

His lips lingered on my cheek, their softness tickling me. I shifted lightly at the new arrangement as I leaned up lightly to look at him. I watched his eyes smile back at me and I felt my lips drag me closer to him as I pressed them firmly against his jaw.

"Jude," He said with a hint of huskiness that made me swoon.

"Yep?" I asked as I trailed a string of light kisses along his jaw and wandering up his cheeks as I found my lips at the small patch of skin between his neck and his ear lobe. I smiled wickedly to myself and let my tongue swirl along his skin.

_Forty Licks _anyone?

I felt his tense immeasurably as a small moan left his lips and splayed itself along my own ear. His grip slacked as his hands fondled the knob on Liam's door. I quickly let my head fall back against his rapidly falling and rising chest.

"He's not here." Tommy informed me hoarsely and I felt myself smile like one of those evil Greek nymphs that always seduce Zeus.

"Really? How convenient." I told him as I felt his grasp loosen completely as he pushed me against one of the walls.

"_Very _convenient Harrison." He told me distractedly as his lips hungrily took mine. Mmmmm, I missed this. Getting dirty with Tommy in Liam's office?

That is the best '_go-suck-a-hairy-dick' _in Liam's face ever. Hmm, I wonder about Liam sometimes…

But not in that moment when I felt Tommy's tongue slip along my lower lip and slide along mine. I plastered my hands against the wall as I felt my knees go completely weak, almost letting me fall in a heap on the floor. I grunted as my grip slipped and Tommy looked up.

He wordlessly assessed the situation and he picked me up again, his hands dancing along my butt, and he placed across Liam's desk. I smiled again and I welcomed back in my arms. Just as Tommy's hand slid along the hem of my shirt and crept upwards the door swung open.

"Ah the beauty of _sexual harassment _in the workplace." Came Liam's cackling voice. I felt myself raise a finger, poised to tell him something that in any other circumstance would be inappropriate, when I saw someone seething behind him.

"Mr. Harrison?" Tommy squeaked as his hand fled down my shirt and rested at his side. Oh shit.

* * *

hmmm, another mini-cliff hanger. I hope you guys liked the chapter and I promise to have the next one out soon! So review, review, review (in no particular order)


	5. Jagged Little Pill

You guys literally blow me away. If I had socks on you would have rocked them off. I am so glad you guys like this story and this chapter there's a big twist, but I'll get into that later. Right now I really want to thank **Tayna50801 **(( I am so glad you liked the chapter! I really hope this one doesn't dissapoint)) 

**VilandraofAntar **((! YAY ! YAY ! Ok, I'm finished, but you make excellent point about exclamation points. Hey that was kinda a pun right? I don't it struck me funny though. I'm glad you like the story, everytime I write I listen to Panic at the Disco. Except not, I just think about the lead singer lol))

**Kimberlli **((lol, Tommy really needed a beatdown after the season finale. And after that he would need a doctor lol))

**Varley990 **((Aw, I'm so glad you like my Pasty. She's my favorite character, I love her! I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((When the site kept throttling my reviews I wanted to kick it really hard! lol, I think you should plan the funeral for him now. He's going to get his ass kicked when he comes back on the show! lol, G-Major really is a nut house and since it's the holidays I've decided that everyone else is going to go slightly insane lol))

**iamthatplace** ((Ok I need to thank you for all your ridculously wonderful reviews! I would totally take being locked up with Tim over anything else in the world. I swear I was afraid to laugh at the porno story I was like 'does that make me immoral' but it was too funny! My sympathies to your friend, if that happened to me I would go into a breakdown. And I am so afraid of google now because of the 'buffy gentelmen'. OH MY GOD it was so scary! I almost cried and then I read the little song that creepy girls sing and I did cry and I ran to bed because it was like 2 in the morning when I go on the computer. I am currently sleeping with the light on.))

**Latisha C **((YAY for finishing your last test! I would celebrate but I don't think it would be fun if I were all alone lol. I don't think Wally can ever be insane, he's just the baby of the group lol. I think Stuart is probably prone to conniptions. I'm so glad you like the sequel, I think it is on the path to surpass the insanity of Bang Theory))

**Judeh05 **((I would totally love to meet Spied's stalker in real life. I think she would be so hilarious! It is quite a bad situation to find oneself in, but I would make out with Tommy any day. Seriously I am in love with him lol))

**Tommy4eva **((lol, I love your sharing! I totally wanted to put on my PJ's when I read it but I had to go to summer gym and I was sad lol. Tommy is definitely in trouble this chapter lol))

**jackjackio **((If I worked with Tommy, I wouldn't even try to control myself lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**CJMJM **((You read my mind. Seriously, after I wrote the stalker I was like 'now how am I going to get her to G-Major?' because I just really want to see what would happen lol. I think she would drug him and then rape him, I think it would be hard for her otherwise. Unless I make her obese and that would be so funny... ok I thikn she's going to be very large lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**tommys21 ((**Isn't it sad to be left out because of TV? I hate it, it totally sucks lol!))

I love love love love love love you guys and I am so glad you guys like the story so far. But as I said there's a plot twist this chapter. And all I ask is that you guys keep faith. AndI'll go into depth at the end of the chapter, because I don't want to spoil any of it ;o) Anywho, here's chapter 5! and b-t-w I suck and found a large error in the other chapter 5 that I just submitted so I fixed it and this is the better one lol.

* * *

Chapter 5: _Jagged Little Pill_

"Tell me I'm nightmaring." I whispered frantically.

"_Nightmaring_?" He asked me and looked at me like I was stupid. Duh, _nightmaring _is a verb.

"Do you think that I would _like_ to dream this shit? Do you think I'm enjoying this?"

"I would be worried if you were. Pinch me?"

"No way. Remember what happened last time?" I whispered at him.

"Should we really be discussing this now?"

"You are the one that screamed obscenities in public when Sadie was making you listen to _Briteny's Spear's Greatest Hits: My Prerogative_ and made me pinch you."

"But that was bad. This is…"

"_Badder_?" I offered.

"Pinch me." He said again.

Liam continued to cackle at Tommy's face but stepped a little to him left and revealed a very red-faced gentleman. Who wasn't seething _per say_, his nose was just way pushed in like a pug's and it made him breathe heavy.

And who also wasn't my dad.

But he was rocking the whole _sorta-bald-I-look-like-I-idol-David-Letterman_ hairstyle. And he had those Mr. Rogers inspired corduroys like my dad and he was wearing a Miami Vice polo in the middle of winter. It's really not a wonder why I thought it was my dad. But now that my heart is beating normally again, I'm exceptionally glad it isn't my dad.

Because then Tommy would be dead. Or skinned alive or something. And I would miss him. That actually makes me wonder what my dad is capable of when he's consumed by a fit of rage.

"This is Mr. Hansel." Liam informed us and flourished his arm towards a man with a weird black beanie on his head, and a shirt that said _I'm a Jenius_. How clever. Given all the people that G-Major exposes me to, I half expected him to be wearing a kilt or a skirt or biking shorts or spandex or… well I can't think of anything else, but these people never fail to astound me.

"As in _Hansel and Gretle_?" Tommy asked.

"As in _Han-suck_, Zoolander's nemesis turned BFF?" I asked.

"As in the party planner for Darius' Christmas first annual Christmas Yule Ball." Liam told us.

"_Yule Ball _as in _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_?"

Seriously, when did my life become a frickin' open book of fairy tales and sorcery?

"I'm gonna leave now." I said awkwardly and hopped gingerly off of Liam's desk and limped towards the door. Half way through my journey I felt Tommy secure my balance as he grasped my arm tightly and guided me out the door.

"Hey thanks." I told him and leaned up to kiss him. But I was met only with embarrassment when he pulled away uncomfortably at the last minute.

What the hell?

"I don't have cooties, Tom." I told him on a laugh, trying to hide my embarrassment. I'm a wonderful actress. Please revel in my sarcasm.

"Jude, I really think we need to talk."

What the hell? Take 2.

"What does that mean?" I asked him, flicking my gaze from the ground to look in his face. If I hadn't known him better, I would have thought he was constipated.

But he wasn't, well I don't know that for sure but whatever, that was his _if-I-were-on-the-Titanic-and-I-was-Rose-and-had-to-choose-between-Jack-and-myself-I-would-make-this-face-while-he-froze-in-the-water_. Basically _undecisive_.

And I hate to go all Eric Mathews from _Boy Meets World _but I those are really those words no one wants to hear. He gripped my hand again and released it as soon as I plunked myself in a chair.

"I think there's a problem." He started after a long series of sighs.

What the hell? Take 3.

I just tilted my head to look at him from where I was sitting, shooting him a puzzled look. As far as I was concerned, there _was _a problem: Tommy's life was in perilous danger. But it was _Hansel _not my dad, so the crisis was averted.

"Jude, look." He started and kneeled in front of me and looked at me square in the face. "If we're so…_guilty_ about _us, _that we sneak around and we lie, then maybe there's something wrong."

What the hell? Take 4.

"_I'm _not guilty about anything Tom. And _I'm_ not lying about anything _Tom. _So please enlighten me."

"Jude, don't tell me we didn't just pull a-kid-caught-with-his-hand-in-the-cookie-jar act back there." Tommy said, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Liam's office.

"Tom," I started.He is not doing this again. This same old song and dance really sucks. And I do not think I can dance and I am tired of him trying to make me. It the most twisted version of _Dancing with The Stars _that I have ever known. I refuse to believe this is happening.

Seriously someone _slap me with the splintered ruler_.

Ok I did not just quote Alanis Morresette, because that has to be someone kind of omen. She's like the queen of breakups and this cannot be a breakup, because we never dated.

We **never** _dated_!

We did things that people who date do, but we were never official or anything. He never took me anywhere. He never kissed me goodnight at my doorstep. He never… ah!

Now my head is spinning. And I'm about to vomit and this really sucks.

"What does that mean Tommy?" I asked him seriously. But before he could open his mouth I started to scream and yell. And spit. But that just made it all better because in reality I really wanted to douse him with my _bile_, but spit had to cut it. Maybe if I get mad enough I can hock a loogie on him. That would be gross. And cool. It would be _grool_.

"Because it _seems_ to me that you're trying to end this before it even started. It _seems_ to me that you're being a coward. It _seems_ to me that the little prick in you is coming out again. So please tell what is **really** happening and not I what **perceive** is happening!" I screamed frustratedly in his face. I suddenly palmed my forehead, as if realization was finally dawning. Because it was.

He's a shit face.

And _gawd, _am I acting like Meredith Grey. Seriously, this is like the _You Can't Call Me a Whore _speech from the hallway all over again. Except if Tommy called me a whore I would castrate him with a pair of dull scissors.

"No, instead of telling me what the hell is going on since you have never given me that courtesy before, how about you just take off again. I here Italy is nice all year round. I can call up my sister again, wouldn't that be a fun trip? Why don't you run scared again Tom? Just take the easy way out, I bet it won't even faze you this time." I yelled. He closed his eyes briefly before letting them flutter open with his mouth poised to speak.

"I am really interested in hearing you little speech, so why don't you forget that I just reamed you out and feed me all your little _excuses_. Why don't you just feed me little _lies_, because I _really_ miss being the **stupid** girl. I _really_ miss being the **clueless** girl. So **please**, anon my fair sir!" I finished. _Anon my fair sir_? See what he does to me? I bet Shakespeare is spinning in his grave right now.

But it's not my fault, I got it from that _Gilmore Girls _episode, when they held the _Bracebridge Dinner _at the Independence Inn and Jackson was _Squire Bracebridge _and he yelled at Rune and stuff. It was a really good episode, mainly because Jess and Dean fought in it and I swear I had _Scar Face _flashbacks and I swooned at the TV. Maybe I should just marry the guy who plays Jess, since Tommy is such a dud.

"Jude, I have never lied to you. And I have _never _meant to hurt you." Tommy told me, his volume quickly matching mine.

"Ever heard that _the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions_ Quincy? Because in my book, you're gonna burn down there with Eden. And Liam. But knowing you, you'll just find a way to get some ass. I mean Eden's pretty easy. And so are you. It would be like Satan and the Spawn of Satan mating, talk about incest. But I would watch out for her, I'm pretty sure you take all your dieses into the Underworld. But give _your _sexual history you and Eden will probably be a match made in heaven. Or _hell_, I guess I should say." I ranted.

Wow I really hated Tommy at that point. I finally get that whole crazy/ex-lover/ex-girlfriend thing. I could totally cut somebody up right now. I _so _don't blame Lorraine Bobbit; I would totally chop off Tommy's penis right now. I guess I get the whole Sadie thing too. Poor Sadie, I was such a bitch to her about the whole Tommy thing. Well I was never a bitch upfront in her face, because I'm pretty afraid of Sadie. But in my head I was worse than Cady when she was all _Plastic Wannabe _and tried to usurp Regina's title.

And even though I knew I didn't hate him, the thing that made even madder was that I knew I still loved him.

And that was why I was so _psycho._ And that was why I was on the brink of tears. And that was why I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt Tommy looking at me and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of making me cry, even though I know he didn't set out to make me cry. And I don't really think he would feel satisfaction in making me cry. I think the only thing I'm really afraid of is Tommy not caring.

And really… a few tears could never hurt my case.

I think I will promptly turn on the water works. I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I possibly could, trying to make the tears that had welled in my eyes, while I was raving like a lunatic, fall. But just as I lifted my lids again and I reached up to touch my cheeks, I found them completely dry. So I reached around and pinched the back of my arm as hard as I possibly could and I immediately felt the tears well again.

"Look Jude, I care about you, _so much_. I _love _you so much that you don't even know. You're all I think about, you're the one person I can see myself with, but I can't-"

Shut up! Damn you Tom Quincy, you are not allowed to say all the right things while you break my heart. You are only allowed to be a dick so that I can be bitter and hate you. I cut him off before I could listen to anything else I wanted to hear.

"You are not allowed to use the _I can't do this to you anymore _line because you already did. So please search the TQ repertoire and give me another crafty excuse." I spat. I watched his face soften and his eyes dim slightly. I felt a lone tear fall and his shoulders slumped.

YES!

I found the indent in my skin again and pinched again. A few more tears fell, but it was really starting to hurt too much. And I think I was breaking skin. How bad would that be if I started to bleed right now?

"Jude, it's _not _an excuse. I mean every word I _ever_ say to you, girl."

"Don't say that." I said in a whisper and felt real tears fall.

"Don't say what."

"Don't call me _girl_. Because I'm not. I'm not you girl. I'm not your Jude. I'm not even your artist anymore. So I'm not seeing any more connection here. Are you?" I said, my voice dropping to a whisper.

You know what?

Damn Tom Quincy.

And I would do anything to not care about him at this point. And I would give anything in the world to mean that. But I don't.

"So I'm going to leave. And I… don't really care what _you_ do Tom. Because now, you're just some guy who: used to be in a boy band, used to be my producer, used to date my sister, broke my heart too many times to count, and took my virginity. So why don't you pull the infamous pout on someone who doesn't want to vomit when she sees you. I recommend Lisa, Darius' secretary. I hear she was a serious Boy Attacker."

I told him and I walked to the doors as fast as could. Which wasn't very fast because of my stupid leg injury thing. Seriously, Eden is _so_ going to hell. She stole my first boyfriend and now she ruining my exit.

DAMN YOU EDEN! Cue desperately evil scream here.

"Jude!" He called from behind me. I didn't even turn around to face him and kept walking. I knew that if I _did_ and I saw him standing there, looking all _sorry_ and _pathetic_, I would break again. And I wouldn't be able to walk away from him.

Power to Kelly Clarkson! I don't really remember what that song _Walk Away _is about right now, but I declare it my anthem right now.

"Jude, come on."

_Walk Away._

"Shut up Quincy." I shouted back at him. When I made it to the door, I realized he hand driven me this morning. I heard his pattering footsteps behind me and with each step I took another stride followed me.

"Stop following me." I told him but I felt a hand on my arm, spinning me around.

"Let go of me." I told him and forcefully pulled my arm but his grip refused to slack.

_Walk Away. _

"Jude, hear me out." He started but I opened my mouth, ready to let my profanities fly. But he started before I could.

"I don't think you see what I mean-"

"But I do see your asshole!" I screamed. Ok, that didn't make sense.

_Walk Away._

I looked him in the eyes and I saw how sorry he really was and I thought about staying for a second. And I thought about letting him back in for a second. And thought about forgiving for a second.

And then I remembered that he didn't _really _want me, he just didn't want to be the mean one. He didn't want to be the heartbreaker. Well too damn bad. I spun on my heel and tried to close the last few feet between my feet and the door, but his voice stopped me.

"Where are you going?" He called.

"Are you serious? Do you think I have nowhere to go if you leave me? Are you _stupid_? I would really encourage to grow a brain but hell, when have you **ever** listened to me?"

Duh. I'm going to my home. Why are people acting like I'm a run-away and I have no home left? I have never run away from home, except for that one time when I was 9 and I walked three blocks down from my house, in hopes to join the circus. But who hasn't done that?

…No one?

…Really?

Well whatever because it didn't work; I only got as far as the busy intersection at the top of my street before I started to cry because I had to pee. At least I _think_ that's why I was crying…I mean I _was _nine years old. I don't think I was in diapers. No, I'm _sure _I wasn't. I've just always been a big baby, and I always cry.

I mean, hello, I almost burst into tears while I was making out with Jamie in an airport. But it _was_ pretty weird. I mean kissing Jamie… I never want to repeat that in my whole life.

He is basically the only reason that I will never play spin-the-bottle whenever Spied suggests it.

And he's usually the reason why I almost always pick _Truth _when we play _Truth or Dare_. That time on the airplane was an exception because I wanted to make out with Tommy. But that didn't happen. We made out in the men's bathroom. And then he got mad at me. And told me to show him or something stupid like that.

He's like Summer Robert's clone. "You know what Tommy, you aren't worth my time. You're too girly for my liking." I told him meanly.

I hadn't noticed that a crowd had grown around us until Spied snickered when I called Tommy a girl. But it wasn't about them. It was about Tommy. And it was about Tommy being the biggest asshole in the world. And it was about me wanting to ram my fist into his face. And it was about me walking away.

_An hour and a half later…_

"Damn it Sadie! Where is my _Jagged Little Pill _CD?" I screamed furiously from my room. I probably shouldn't have driven home by myself. And I should probably give Spied his car back. Actually I probably shouldn't have taken it in the first place, but his keys were just _lying_ there.

And Tommy was watching me storm out and I couldn't just stand there like a fool. So I kinda grabbed them. And then I kinda just…ran. It may have been a gimpy run, but it was a faster pace than a walk so I'm calling it run. And I almost got into an accident. But that's only because I thought a Boyz Attack! started playing on the radio.

And while I was swearing about what a bitch irony _really_ is, I almost tail-ended a car, but whatever. It's not my fault; Tommy is the one who taught me to drive. Isn't that kinda sad? Don't fathers and mothers usually teach their kids to drive? And I got a frickin' ex boy bander who got a ticket on the Autobahn. Seriously, he got ticketed for _speeding_ on a German freeway that has _no speed limit_. He amazes me.

But it turned out to be some weird new band. And that just makes me sad for humanity. I'm crying tears for the music industry. I mean, if people are emulating old stupid boy-bands that _has_ to say _something_ about the current music world. It must mean that we are all about to die. Or something emo like that because I just can't think right now.

WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING YET!

God I don't think I could hate him more right now.

If he had asked me out on a date, almost stood me up, and then took off without telling me if he was coming back I wouldn't hate him as much as I do right now.

If he had a kid right now I wouldn't hate him this much.

If he moved the hell out to … _Montana_ I wouldn't hate him this much.

I feel like my anger and bitterness are welling up in my stomach and every time I think about him the pit is just growing deeper and the flames are licking more powerfully. And all I can do is think about him. And all those stupid lines he fed me. And the way I played right into his hands like the stupid sap that I am.

"Jude?" Sadie called uncertainly from the doorway. I flung my whole body around to face her as I watched her survey my room. There was clothes strewn all over the floor, a lamp was knocked over

(That wasn't my fault though. I thought I had found Alanis Morsette CD, but it was some stupid soundtrack and I flung it across the room. And it happened to hit the lamp.)

and _I_ was generally a mess. In the moment it took everything I had not to burst into tears. My heart was broken, I was a mess, and it felt like my stitches were coming out. "Sadie," I nearly whimpered, feeling my lips tremble and tears well again. She let out an empathetic moan and ushered me into her arms.

_At G-Major…_

Tom Quincy sat across for some insane man with a stupid hat and Liam, thinking about the wreck that had become his life.

_You're stupid. _

_You're an ass. _

_You hurt her. _

The same thoughts rotated in his head on an endless loop. And endless loop that made his head spin painfully. But it was the truth. He was stupid. He was an ass. He had hurt her, _again_. He slumped even further into his chair, trying to list all the times he had hurt her.

-The night at the Vinyl Palace

-The time he made out with her sister at the farm

-The night of her Sweet Sixteenth.

-The night of her album release party

-When he picked her sister

-When he went to Italy with her sister

-When he didn't stick up for her after the yacht party

Each time he had managed redeemed himself. But this time he couldn't think of anyway that he could make this better. He had screwed up everything, big time. He couldn't pout his way out of this one.

He tried to think of what would happen if he tried to apologize. He tried to imagine what would happen if he took it back.

"_You can't make this better, you idiot!" _She screamed at him in his head. He saw her face turn an angry shade of red when he tried to mentally rebuttal.

_"There has to be something I can d-" _

_"NO TOM! There is absolutely nothing. Even if you got down on your knees and gave me your best Tony Braxton impression and sang **Unbreak My Heart** at the top of your lungs, it would not make this better_." She screamed at him furiously inside his head.

He shook himself of his thoughts, having thoroughly scared himself. He looked around Darius' office, remembering a dream he had had about Jude. He tried to shake the image of her sprawled across Darius' office, leisurely playing with the cougar statue that Darius loved so much.

As he felt himself growing hot, he thought about his grandmother and tried to stray from any thoughts of Jude. Liam would probably say something to him if he continued to think about her. Tommy wondered why Liam _always_ caught onto stuff like _that_, which also made him wonder which way Liam's bat swayed.

"Mr. Quincy, are we boring you?" Liam asked loudly as Tommy felt himself yawn.

"Shut up Liam." He grumbled. He thought about calling her. He thought about chasing her. He thought about trying to explain what he had _really _meant versus whatever conclusion she had drawn. He didn't have a good track record, but he still needed to tell her.

All his words had come out in the worst way earlier.

And they had screwed everything up. He sighed in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair thoughtfully. He didn't want to let her go.

She was still _his_ Jude, no matter what she said.

She would _always _be his Jude.

She was still _his_ girl, no matter what she claimed differently.

She would _always _be his girl.

_That Evening…_

"His name's not Snuggles." Kat told me with a laugh.

"AW I LOVE YOU SNUGGLES!" I shouted to my dog over another brainless break-up song. Except, of course, it is not brainless because it speaks to my soul. I mean it really takes all this pain and heartbreak and screams it out. Or something along those lines.

"Sssssadie, how did you knovz how _Candy Shop _speakz to my…_somethin_'?" I asked her stupidly. What was in that third cup Sadie gave me? I got up to hug her, but I tripped over my feet and fell down in a giggling mess.

After I had finished crying and cursing an Acme anvil to fall on Tommy's head, Sadie decided that I needed some fun. Or something like that. I don't really remember. I really don't remember anything. No, I do remember her calling Kat to come over.

And Jamie had been with Kat to see if I was all right so he came too. And I also know that I'm feelin' like I did yesterday after I left the doctor's office. I mean today? No I mean tomorrow. I mean yesterday.

Well, I am feeling _good._

No, I think I mean _gud._

"What comes after yesterday?" I asked her from the floor. Kat answered for me.

"Tuesday." She told me and then opened her eyes really wide. Wow, how does she do that? I sat amazed for a few seconds before she started to talk.

"WHO? Dares me to chug this?" She screamed.

"I DO!" Sadie and I screamed in unison as Kat titled her cup completely upwards and emptied the glass in her mouth. Well not really in her mouth, most of it spilled all over the couch and her clothes and the floor.

"That was for Jamie." She informed us.

"HEY!" He shouted from the in front of the TV.

"I don't think it's healthy to be that close." Sadie, the most sober of us, told him. But then she burst into a fit of giggles when he tried to lick the screen.

Just as the song changed over the speakers, and the lull in noise left my ears pounding painfully, it was like my ears had a heartbeat, the doorbell rang.

"PARTAY!" I screamed and drunkenly. As I got up to answer the door, Kat stopped me and held onto my arm while she looked at me seriously.

"Jude. I am in love your dad." She told me. I looked at her for a moment before bursting into laughter and running for the door. Except then I fell really hard my ass because my leg wasn't up for such a spurt of energy.

"WAIT!" Jamie called for a moment.

"What?" I asked him with my mouth hanging open stupidly.

"I. Am. The. Flash." He told us while he stood on top of the coffee table and flexed his non-existent muscles.

But I was hooked. I felt myself sag to the floor, preparing myself for the awesomeness I _knew _was going to come.

"I'll go get it." Sadie said as she passed down the hall towards the door.

"I don't know you know comics like I do, bucko. But hell, I will give you the run down!" He started sloppily as Kat and I cheered.

"Let's start with Superman." He said and then gulped down a whole bunch of spit. We were all slowly regaining regular brain functions since Sadie had made us stop our O.C. drinking game.

(Ever time someone cries you take a swing)

And Jamie words slurred less as he continued to tell us about comic book heroes. "This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say, _"Your taste in wine is atrocious"_. But they wouldn't say that. Because they're French and they would say something about _votre _and _vin _and whatever else I learned from seventh grade French…Who was I talking about?" He asked.

"Supermanz." Kat stuttered.

"Oh yeah! He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot rays thingies out of his eyes,"

He put my two forefingers to my eyes and poked the air in front of him multiple times, like _he_ was shooting rays at the…air.

"and frost breath from his mouth" He continued and made this weird '_h' _noise with his mouth

"and red son radiation from his ass." He finished and bent over and stuck his ass out as far as he could. Because hello, he was trying to show everyone how red son comes out of his butt.

"How do you know all this stuff?" I asked him adoringly with awe. Jamie simply bowed in front of us before continuing.

"Who else is there?" He asked. Kat and I thought seriously for a moment before it dawned on her.

"DE NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA **BATMAN!**" She shouted

"His power? The anti-power. He's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate." He explained, because hello, everyone needs to know about Batman. He turned to look at Sadie who had joined us, looking much more serious than the rest of us.

"You got a power?" He asked her and while she shook her Jamie continued.

"He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. That's Batman. But those guys suck because HELLO! The Flash… The Flash!

This man has the greatest powers of all.Ok first off, he can travel at light speed. Not only does he travel at light speed, but also time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's like fast as…shit. But wait!

The ability to move at light speed just isn't enough!This guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the dick and two times everywhere else."

"I don't have a dick!" I cried loudly, but he just ignored me.

"You think you're about to fight The Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beamed your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm."

"I don't have sperm either!" I shouted again while Jamie told me to pretend that I do.After I nodded acquiescently, Jamie continued.

"The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at light speed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them.

To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream, he can selectively choose to cause objects to be _"okay"_ afterwards or EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transferring kinetic energy into you. It's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Just give up! He's The Flash." He said, running his words together because he was so excited. I think he really loves superheroes or he's way more wasted than I thought.

"Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around The Flash's secret ninja technique. Ok. But he can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like _WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS_ and bam it's going at light speed.So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other."

"I do not have nads!" I screamed.

"I KNOW JUDE! Just shut up and listen."Jamie shouted at me.

"He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of _GOES FAST_. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically _SPEED_ equals _REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR_.You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose. And how is Superman _this_ strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can go back and forward in time _ON COMMAND_. How do you beat this dude?

You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beat down, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman _not_ _thunk so gud no more_. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs The Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Screw you Flash! You moved the stairs to frickin' Russia! RUSH-A! Bitch." Jamie told us as we sporadically burst into laughter. How does he know all this?

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak grease fire." What? Where did that come from?

The _drunk_ part must be wearing off, because I totally know that is so not why Jamie started that tangent to begin with. I was about to tell him that, when Sadie cleared her throat from behind us. I spun my head around and felt my face fall.

"What are you doing here?"

* * *

I forgot to mention this earlier, but I don't own a few of Jamie's rant about The Flash, I got it in a chain e-mail a hundred years ago and I dug it up earlier today lol. But please don't give up hope on Tommy and Jude, I love them too much to ever have not end up together in my fics. So don't worry, they will be together I promise! But please review, tell me what you thought reactions and all!

Rachel :o)


	6. Please Please Me

Oh my God, please don't hate me! I had this chapter completely ready like Thursday night and the stupid thing wouldn't let me upload any documents. But here is finally is, chapter 6! Yay! It's longer than usual, so I hope you guys like it! I really want to thank

**Tommy4eva **((Ouch, I can't even tell you how much I loathe sunburn. Once I got it so bad on my shoulders that I cried for like three days! My total sympathies! Funner is totally a word, I don't care what the dictionary and my English teacher say! It is _so _a word! I totally agree that perfect isn't always best, the chase is almost just as fun. But Jommy forever and ever. I absolutely love them!))

**Tayna50801 **((I'm so glad you like it! I made this chapter extra long because the action really starts to pick up!))

**VilandraofAntar **((lol, whenever I hear or read _hernia _my mind automatically goes to Mr. Rogers. I just feel like he could keel over and hemorrhage at any point. Now I am back at this chapter is like 11 pages in Word.))

**Kimberlli **((lol, Kat is always just Kat. I love her; she and Pasty are currently tied. I thought about having Tommy at the door, I wrote Tommy at the door, but you'll have to read. Hehe))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((My God, I had a persistent conniption during Unfinished Business. When Jude died I flipped out, seriously. I sat there and my mouth hung open for like an hour. The Jommy reunion will go down in history. I think after the Juderman scare, everyone should apologize to Jommy and pretty much bow down.))

**iamthatplace **((I had a night-light until it started casting a shadow on my wall that positively scared my shitless. I love Lorraine Bobbit, she just makes me laugh and then the fact that she threw it in the woods…she is my idol! With Tommy on the show, who else even matters? Besides Mason, because he is just my life. I love him!))

**hmgirl8192 **((lol, Jamie is like the King. Besides Jude, she must be queen lol. I'm glad you liked it!))

**Judeh05 **((SPIDERMAN! I knew I forgot someone! And Spiderman is like the hottest too, because he's all mysterious and what-not. I am so glad you like the story!))

**tommys21 **((I think they should make Jamie drunk on the show, it would make me laugh forever. I'm glad you liked the chapter!))

**TommyQLovr **((lol, you might want to read the first one, but I can give you the run down if you like. But I'm glad you liked the parts you can understand!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((I would love a fight scene with Liam and Tommy. I would have to laugh and then I would have to replay it over and over and over lol! Hmmm, a drunk hook-up, that sounds like more than fun!))

**Duddley111 **((lol, I'm glad you liked it!))

**Latisha C **((I'm sorry about your cold! Nothing sucks worse than a cold in the summer because having a runny nose at the beach is awful with the sand and the tissues…that was a really bad day. I loved you review, just as I always love your reviews! Jamie was in fact very drunk during his discourse on The Flash and continues his drunken babble this chapter too. I'm so glad you liked it!))

You guys are my loves and I am so glad you guys are enjoying this story! Ok, enough chatter here's chapter 6!

* * *

Chapter 6: _Please Please Me_

"Are you aware that I hate you right now?" I asked him as if he were stupid. Well he _is _stupid, so whatever.

"Me? Why?" Spied protested.

"On principle." Sadie informed him.

"Well Jamie is here."

"Jamie tells funny stories. What can you do?" I asked him. I watched him think for a moment before his face broke out in a devilish grin.

"Do **not **burp the lyrics to _24 Hours _ever again. I will make sure that I break your face socket."

"_Face socket_?" "Are you really asking me to explain me?"

"Well I don't think that's so out of the realm of fairness."

"Quit bitching Spied, because I will cut off your balls."

"I am **not **bitching. And you would be lucky to get nears these fine specimens."

"Ever hear about the deer that attacked a lady in Ohio?"

"No."

"Well now you have, and soon you will envy her if you don't shut the hell up."

"Where is your dad?"

"Shut up Spied."

"I mean I don't think he would appreciate the language you're using."

"Right. Now. Spied."

I was about to slug some serious ass when Jamie got in the way. Actually he got right in Sadie's face, who had been a barrier between where Spied was stand and where I was sitting know there was a possibility of me opening a can of whoop ass on him, with a serious look on his face.

"Sadie," he started solemnly "would you like" he continued before gulping loudly, and I always watched his Adam's Apple quiver like a horny gerbil "to lick my pimp stick?" He finished.

Wow, I do **not **see _that _one coming.

Seriously, what the hell is the matter with him?

Is he insane?

I waited for Sadie to slap him or scream at him but I was utterly deprived of any entertainment. She simply shook her head _no _as we all watched Jamie turn to Spied.

"Would _you _like to like my pimp stick?"

"Dude, how drunk _are_ you?"

"More than you know." I told him and tugged lightly on Jamie's arm, motioning for him to join me on the floor. I pulled him close as I leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"I think Spied is just shy. He really wants to lick you um, _pimp stick_." I told him, trying to hold back my giggles.

Jamie moved away to look at me with wide eyes, "really?" He barely whispered.

I merely nodded before I pulled him in towards me again. "He told me on tour." Jamie's eyes bulged even more as he got up smoothly and sidled next to Spied. Oh the wonders of taking advantage of Jamie. Is that mean of me?

"Want me to show you the…_bathroom_?" Jamie asked coolly with a wink. I watched Spied move out of Jamie's grasp, only to have the latter slip an arm across his back.

"No dude." Spied said and tried to pry himself from Jamie. This is _so _mean. But I love it.

"Come on, I can show you _other _**things**." Jamie needs to stop winking; everyone in the world can catch onto his innuendos.

Even Spied.

And Spied is a dumbass.

And people don't believe me I tell them how stupid he really is.

They gasp in shock and tell me what a nice little boy Vincent is. Well no one calls him Vincent and they don't call him a 'nice little boy' but they totally don't believe me. But really, Spied is an idiot of the first degree. I remember when he put a fire ant down his pants because Billy Earls called him a whimp in fourth grade.

**"Aw shut up _William Earls the III_!" Spied mocked as he threw a handful of dirt in Billy's face. Poor Billy, it wasn't his fault. His parents named him, and I completely sympathize. Everyone seemed to think _Hey Jude _and variations on it was the funniest thing to ever cross their brain. **

**"Well why don't you _Vicente_!" Billy called mocking Spied's, old and slightly disoriented, grandmother who had come to drop off his lunch earlier in the week. She had decided that she was of Italian heritage and that in turn her family was also, so she called out for 'Vicente' for an hour and a half while we were watching _Veggie Tales_. **

**"I will, if you make me!" A newly 10-year-old Spied called in a challenging tone. **

**"I bet you a googlilliazoozle dollars that you won't put this ant down your pants." Billy bargained, holding a twitching ant between his thumb and forefinger. Spied stepped closer to the crawling bug, so close that he went completely cross-eyed, before scoffing and backing the hell away from Billy. **

**"It'll bite me, it's red." Spied stated matter-of-factly. **

**"I knew you wouldn't you whimp! Now you own me a gazillion dollars!" He cried for all to hear. **

**"Actually, I believe the term you used was _googlilliazoozle _in regards to your bet with Spiederman. Which is, of course, preposterous because that is clearly not a recognized number. But just for consistency's sake, I thought I would inform you of your blunder." **

**"Shut up _Jamie-a_." Billy shouted at Jamie, using the ever-popular nickname for him. Jamie quickly backed down, clutching his glasses in fear that they would be broken again. God, Jamie was such a nerd. **

**It's really a wonder how he broke that shell, I mean he practically came out of the womb screaming 'HEY! I'm Dexter's, from _Dexter's Laboratory_, clone. Someone punch me! My slightly crooked nose is just begging for it!' Except not. But you catch my drift. I slinked next to Jamie as we all watched Spied's stupidity take over him. **

**"Fine. I'll do it. Just gimme the bug." Spied told Billy haughtily and stuck out a grubby hand to grasp the bug. As it made the transition from hand-to-hand, I saw that it was a helluva bug. Seriously, it was a prime candidate for those aliens that want to beam down to Earth and have menial beings take over. Spied snapped the elastic of his waistband open and dropped the ant down, as he looked triumphantly at Billy. **

**"See? Nothi- AHHHH" Spied proved that he **

**A) was stupid and **

**B) spoke too soon. **

**Just as he was establishing his non-whimpy-ness the ant bit the hell out of him. He squirmed an awkward are the whole playground, bashing his shins into the seesaw, itching to get the bug out of his pants. It was really hilarious and Kat and I called him '_Dancy Pants_' until 8th grade. We were never very clever. **

And then if I remember correctly, Spied force-fed Billy at least three handfuls of dirt.

And then Billy chocked.

It was sorta scary, and then I told on Dancy Pants.

And then Dancy Pants had sit on the line for four recesses in a row.

Dancy Pants was mad.

"Humor him Dancy Pants." I shouted at Spied, who in turn, shots me a look that could probably beat even _The All Mighty Flash _to a bloody pulp.

"AH DANCY PANTS!" Kat shouted from in front of the TV. Did she just sneak more alcohol, or can she just _really _not handle it? I'm thinking it's a little of both.

"Why are you sitting so close?" I called to her.

"I was _trying _to make out with Adam Brody, but I can still see the spit trail from Jamie's tongue." She said with slight annoyance in her tone. Did she want to make out with my TV _that _badly?

"Come Jamester, I'm takin' you outta here." Spied said and motioned for him to follow out the door. I jumped up and grabbed Jamie's hand to make him stand still. He looked back at me drunkenly and then started laughing. What is the matter with him? _Gawd_, I'm guessing this is my fault… wait. It's all _Tommy's _fault! Stupid bastard, he is nothing but an irritation in my life. And quite possibly heartbreak but I am currently in my stages of grieving. Actually I think I skipped all the stages before _anger _and I'm just staying there. It suits me. Plus I can't remember all the others.

"I suggest you chillax and _Get Your Shine On_ before I kick your ass."

"Hmm, I think like I might love you again Harrison, a little bit of surfer and a little Tomb Raider?" He said. Please excuse me while I vomit out the contents of my stomach.

"Don't make me Edward Norton on your ass and pull a _Fight Club _on you."

"Brad Pitt was in that movie." Sadie informed me.

Hey, thanks! I didn't know that because my head was up my ass. I'm saying ass a lot.

Tommy has a nice ass.

I think it's from all Boyz Attack! Booty Shakin'.

I'm guessing it's a good work out for your buns.

Hmm, I just said _buns _in reference to Tommy's ass.

That's weird.

But not really.

"Thanks for the info Sades."

"Brad Pitt was in that movie and you pick Edward Norton?"

"If you must know, I am currently anti-Brad over the whole Jennifer Aniston thing. It really tears me up."

"Really? I still salivate at the thought of him." Jamie told us.

"Is there something I need to tell Pasty?" I asked him cautiously. Wasn't he in love Kat two days ago?

"Oh, don't mind me." He started and then put a hand near his mouth and finished in a loud whisper. "I'm drunk." He says with a small wink as if it's just a secret between us.

Yea, ok. Jamie is never aloud to be drunk again. Or even slightly buzzed.

"No, Jamie you are an idiot." Spied told him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Jamie looked at him slightly offended, even though I think its really because Spied didn't want a tour of the bathroom, and opened his mouth to say something.

"Don't mind Spied. His butt hole is just missing Liam's penis." I told him while everyone just looked at me with shock.

DAMN STRAIGHT I SAID IT! Well, maybe I shouldn't have but whatever. But I really think this occasion calls for the nee for me to get down with my bad self.

Oh there has to be something wrong. I can feel it; there is something mightily wrong with me at this point.

"Go back to your Emo hole Harrison."

"I'll go if you go back to your Juanes hole. Your obsession is startling." I retorted, sticking my tongue out at him.

"He is a Spanish Rock God! And I am not obsessed!" He shouted, defending himself feebly.

"_A Dios Le Pido_." I told him, and then hummed it under my breath the whole night. Well actually the whole morning since Spied showed up at around 11:45 and passed out on the couch at like 12:30.

_Later that Morning, at G-Major…_

"Field trip!" Darius announced, a little too excitedly. If this is like the last one he sent me on, I will run away from home. I am **not **going to see his masseuse ever again.

Only Darius needs to _ever _go see his masseuse. Isn't that stuff kind of…_illegal_? Whatever, I am so not going to ask. My head hurts too much and he scares me too much. I would flip-y kick-y thingy me into tomorrow.

Or maybe he would spin-y kick-y me instead. I guess it would depend on his mood. I really wonder if people think these kinds of things like me…

And despite my reservations about his zeal for this _field trip_, I couldn't help my excitement. I have never seen a group of people that need a change of scenery more than this pathetic group that Darius calls his workforce. He looked around, I guess expecting some enthusiasm but most of us were too hung over to even care. The _rest _of us were too asshole-y to notice. And yes as I said this in my head my gaze flicked over Tommy meanly.

"Jude, if you can't tear your gaze from Tom, then I can just have the two of you stay behind and record somethin'." Darius said with a hint of bitterness but still in all seriousness.

And while I gaped at him, he merely raised his eyebrows like test-me-bitch-see-what-I-can-do. In any other situation I would have laughed because he has this enourmous forehead, that could house two families, and when he raises his eyebrows he makes lines in his baldhead that would make Joan Rivers cringe. Well if she _could _physically cringe, but I don't think she has mastered that.

"SCREW THAT! Don't punish _me _because no one else cares about your trip as much as you!" I cried in outrage.

Oops.

Darius' vein is pounding.

That same one I feared so much that time in New York.

Now I'm _really _afraid.

OH MY GOD!

What if he's like that Greek aunt in _My Big Fat Greek Wedding _and he has his twin growing off his head.

OH MY GOD! What if the twin like…sprouts out and attacks me because I enraged it. I can totally see a person _birthing _from that vein right now. God that is freaky. But I submissively sat down and looked down at my hands, mumbling my apology.

"Sorry D." "What was that?" Darius called mockingly, cupping a hand around his ear. Like I was stupid and I didn't get from his statement that he didn't hear me. Prick.

"**Sorry Bid D.**" I said more forcefully and looked up.

"If that is all," he looked at me pointedly, making sure that I knew it would be all. I knew it. "I have an announcement. In spirit of the holiday season,"

"Ho-ho-frickin'-ho" I cut in, but was immediately silenced by a look from E.J. while Darius continued.

"Big D is hosting a G-Major Yule Ball. It is now required of all staff to learn a traditional ballroom dance. So we are all taking dance lessons until the day of the ball!" Why does he keep calling himself _Big D_? It's freaking me out. And I do not want to learn to dance; we have already determined that I never will. Mason's nosebleed from when I kicked him during dance practice is evidence enough. That was nice of him to forgive me. I wouldn't have forgiven me. I would have kicked me in the nose right back.

"But! I…can't dance on my leg!" Ahhh, I am so saved. Well I thought so until Liam gave me a _stop-pulling-bullshit_ face that makes me want to scream.

"We all saw you chasing Mr. Spiederman all over the studio parking lot this morning before the two of you came in, Miss Harrison."

Why don't I give you a Charlie Horse Mr. Fenway? Would you like that?

I watched Tommy's head fly up. "Did he pick you up this morning?"

"No he stayed over last night." Sadie said nonchalantly. Oh I hate her. I really hate her. But I really need to extend my heartfelt thank you to her right now.

"Thanks for that Sades." I mumbled to the desk while I heard Tommy seethe.

Got _Hulk_?

I looked up across from me with his red face staring back. Jeez, he's really mad. I think someone needs to inject him with the tranquilizers they give to the elephants that go insane at the Toronto Zoo. I saw them shoot like five needles in its ass one time. And then it all most fell over on the zookeeper, who reminded me of The Man with the Yellow hat in _Curious George. _

"_Spied_? Spied slept over? Last night? At your house?" He managed to spit out angrily as he shot daggers at Spiederman, who opened his mouth and sat up straighter in his chair.

He better not- "And I rocked her world all night long."-say anything.

And when I thought the entire situation could not become more embarrassing an indignant gasp came from other side of the room. "When was that Jude? I thought you were with Jamie all night." Sadie called.

Oh shoot me now.

"_WHAT_?" Came Tommy's equally incredulous shouts.

Oh shoot me now.

"I wasn't with _with _Jamie. I mean not like…in the biblical sense. I mean I was _with _him but we were on the couch, in front of everyone. I mean…no one was **watching** _us_. We were watching Sadie's bootleg DVD's of the O.C."

Oh shoot me now.

This is not working; I think I might be making it worse for myself. I sighed loudly and slumped my head forward. "Did you know Marissa died?" I posed generally, hoping to sway the attention.

"Jamie _and _Spied? Must have been busy Jude." Tommy said almost calmly. He did not just say that.

If he just insinuated that I am a slut, I will crawl under the table, unzip his pants and get Liam to castrate him with his teeth! I promise I will do it too.

"At least I didn't cheat on the most loyal girlfriend I ever had with a _model_, Tom. I think you have an addiction." I shot back while Sadie gave a satisfied grunt.

_Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood _Quincy.

Taste its pain bitch.

And I don't care that I know that he didn't really do anything, I just couldn't think of anything better to say. I watched Tommy's eyes bug immeasurably as he opened his mouth to say something back. Just as Darius was about to talk over us, Tommy got his last word in.

"You are so…" He paused, looking at me in an almost disgusted manner "_seventeen._" He finished.

You are just _so_ smart Tommy. You blow my mind. Please enjoy a nice conversation with the sarcasm in my last statements; it has really outdone itself this time. Bravo sarcasm, bravo!

"Oh go screw yourself Quincy. At least I'm not so…" I paused similarly, mocking him in every way possible. I even furrowed my eyebrows and made that weird frown-y thing. "_pedophilic_." I finished.

"**Enough!**" Darius screamed from the front of the room. I think he may have damaged my eardrums. "It seems that Jude and Quincy can't seem to leave each other alone, so I'm gonna give you two a venue where you can talk as much as you want. Tommy you are Jude's partner. Jude you are Tommy's." He said, shoving his two forefingers in Tom's face first and then in mine pointing between us.

"What partner?" I asked stupidly.

"Dance partner." Tommy told me.

"_What_? The only way I will bear Quincy is if…if…you put Spied and Liam together!" Darius shot me a look. Liam shot me a look. Spied shot me a look.

"Fine." I grumbled dejectedly and then looked over at Tommy again

"You didn't have to be mean about it."

"Well you didn't have to be stupid about it."

"Oh shut up, at least I passed 7th grade."

"Barely."

"You don't know that."

"What if I told I did." Tommy said cryptically.

We continued to bicker all the way out to the Hummer, where Darius made everyone pile in. "I'm **not** sitting next to him." I stated firmly. I was _so _not going to be near him for however long we were going to be stuck in the car.

"Well when you put it so nicely…" E.J. started and then shoved me into the passenger's seat, while Liam shoved Tommy into the driver's seat next to me.

"Oh well fuck me." I mumbled, but not softly enough.

"You are _quite_ insatiable." Tommy whispered back. I flicked my gaze over him, liking everything I saw; but I wasn't going to let him know that.

"_Been **in **there. Done **you**_. And besides, still think you can _Please Please Me _Quince?" I told him meanly. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

"Do not speak to me Tommy." I told him icily. And yes, I am currently sharpening my claws. But Tommy deserves it. But I wonder if _anyone _really deserves a Jude tongue lashing … let's recap, Jude, shall we? We shall.

Please dim lights, cue sense of inexplicable excitement that always gurgles in my stomach when I'm about to see a movie, cue the Wayne and Garth dream sequence noise and sit and reminisce with some popcorn.

We'll start with yesterday and work our way back in…whatever order it comes to me. I'm not a very organized person. (I think Monica, from _Friends_, would have a heart attack if she saw the disarray that my brain is in. But it wouldn't really look like a heart attack because she would be over dramatizing because she's a bad actress. Even though I guess, technically, Monica isn't an actress. So that means she just sucks at…life. Wow that is a startling revelation. Oh well.)

**The Name of Lovevs. Thomas Quincy**

Exhibit A:

"**_If we're so…guilty about us, that we sneak around and we lie, then maybe there's something wrong."_ **_Classic Tommy. I mean that is the man in a damn nutshell! The signs pointing to commitment-phobia could not be any clearer than this. I feel like I'm on the Animal Planet and I'm observing a specimen in the wild. But seriously, take these words and the dodgy hand movements, all coupled with the shifty eyes and even Alfie would be like 'Mate, come on. Are you that afraid of love?' and then I would have to bone Alfie but whatever, that's beside the point. _

_**Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 1 **_

_**Romantic/Swoon-Worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 0**_

Exhibit B: 

"_**Look Jude, I care about you, so much. I love you so much that you don't even know. You're all I think about, you're the one person I can see myself with, but I can't-" **Hmm, let me consult the evidence with Dave Caruso. Oh hell, he isn't any help, he couldn't act his way out of a frickin' paper bag. Plus he gives all red heads a bad rap. Dave Caruso just sucks. And so does Tommy, because he obviously employed his infamous and undisputed charms in the statement above. He was trying to deter me from my rage and trying to calm me. That's like trying to kill every mosquito in the universe during the dead of summer (It's hard. Jamie and I tried one year. And then we ran out of Raid.) And he momentarily made me forget how mad I was at him, thus furthering his standpoint. And strengthening his arguments because no one can loose against a weeping girl. But I totally knew the line he was going to pull next, so he looses. Again. This boosts the points of asshole Tommy a few notches, but at the same time he said he loved me. So I'm awarding points to both sides. _

**_Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 2_**

_**Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1**_

Exhibit C:

"_**Jude, you need to figure out what you want. Maybe you need to figure out who you want, but I'm finished guessing." **This screams hypocrisy! He is the one who couldn't choose between Sadie and me. And he's the one who didn't want to 'tap that' because he wasn't going to 'cross that line' because he wasn't 'that guy' even though if I 'were 21' he would have gone for me 'in a split second'. Yea that doesn't really validate my point, but looking back on that it pissed me off! Who says something like that? Who really admits his perversion to the outside world like that? Stupid asshole… I think that gives Asshole Tommy like 15 points. Ok, 2 more added to the current score. Good Tommy gets nothing because that was not only totally hypocritical it was just mean. _

_**Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 4**_

_**Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1**_

Exhibit D:

"_**Either I have to quite working with you, or we have to agree that that kiss had never happened." **This really transcends the ages. And it deserves a: What the fuck? Who the hell says something like that? What kind of person with a heart even fathoms asking a girl that? Especially when she was completely in love with you. It raises the question: Does Thomas Quincy have a heart at all? Does he have feelings? Or is he just an overrated, devilishly handsome version of the Grinch? Or Scrooge? And despite the obvious asshole-ness, let us take a ride and delve in Tommy's mind, Freud style. (You wanna get Xzibit to Pimp your Ride? Jude can Freud you Mind, fool!) It says 'no one loves me, so I love no one'. It says 'I like to break little hearts because they squish in my hands when I do'. It generally says: 'I am an asshole of the highest degree. And I know it too. But what are you going to do about it fucker?' _

_**Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: More than One Person Can Count**_

_**Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1**_

I think I rest my case.

Please turn the lights back on, cue sense of inexplicable sorrow that always gurgles in my stomach when a movie is over, cue the Wayne and Garth coming-back-from-a-dream-sequence noise and throw the cold popcorn away. In the Case of _The Name of Love versus Thomas Quincy, _the jury finds Mr. Quincy guilty of heartbreak in the third degree and an asshole to a degree never before witnessed by man.

Hey! That was even better than _CSI: New York_ (minus the really hot guy, scratch that, hot _guys_). **And** Vince Vaughn! Except I have no respect for that sweaty man anymore. He was actually earning hot points after Anchor Man, because I can't resist a man in a suit

(No I take that back too, I can actually totally resist Will Ferrell in _anything_. And if he has _nothing _on, then I will just have to kill myself.)

but then he has to go and do _The Break Up. _It was a good movie, up until the end. I mean it had all the wonderful elements of a date movie. Humor _and_ Drama. And I saw it with Kat, so it was even better because I didn't have to worry if some guy was looking at me every time he laughed to see if I was laughing. Have I mentioned that I hate it when people do that? Because I really, _really _do. Like a lot.

The brother's ass kicking after Vince took his pitch pipe really almost made me pee in my pants. And the guy who played the secretary at the art gallery, the guy from the Apple commercials and _Dodgeball_, with a straight black wig that he styled differently every scene, made me spit ice all over Kat. I can't help it though.

A man with lip-gloss is just funny. And a man with lip-gloss who feels the need to greet people with a '_happy holidays'_ in the middle of summer is just asking for me to spit all over the people around me.

And now that I think about it… I wasn't chopping ice. I had blue Icee in my mouth and then I sprayed it all over Kat's white _J. Crew_ cable knit cardigan, and I still have not heard the end of it. But seriously, when did Kat start wearing _J. Crew _unless she was trying to be ironic or whatever. And I thought cable-knit was out; at least that's what Sadie said. But whatever, now the sweater's better because it has a cool blue stain down the front.

I like it better with the stain; I just might steal it from her when she isn't looking.

After at least an hour of me looking at Tommy and looking away when he looked back at me and Tommy looking at me and then looking away when I looked back at him, we finally pulled up in front of an enormous building that seemed to stretch on for miles. Except it didn't, but whatever.

"What is this?" I whispered to Portia who had been eyeing Craig like a little schoolgirl until I interrupted her googley-eyes.

"Oh this was an old project of Darius' a few years ago. You know that show _So You Think You can Dance_?"

"Yea."

"Well Darius was going to a judge and they needed a place to hold the competition, so D had this place built."

"What happened?" I mean it obviously didn't pan out. Maybe he offered the wrong guy a joint and he put the kibosh on it.

"Some _border_ restrictions, it had to physically be held in the U.S." She explained vaguely as she trailed Craig a little too closely. Poor Portia, she's being kinda stalker-ish.

"Do you think Spied would be my partner?" Mason asked as he sidled next to me.

What is with everyone, it's like ninth grade formal all over again. Our Homecomings always kinda suck because Carson Hill has a really good hockey team, but hockey is a winter sport. We tried the whole _football _thing and parents got tired of taking their kids to the dentist. Which never made sense to me because, duh, people get bashed in the teeth all the time when they play hockey.

Ever wonder why T-Bone doesn't smile? Shay smacked his face with a hockey stick once and knocked out a row of teeth. Then he tried to get a grill and it was disastrous.

Actually it was all T-Bone's fault because he has the IQ of Sadie's nail polish and he took that Nelly song literally and _robbed a jewelry store, _and demanded that _make me a grill_. He was in jail for a night. Hey, kinda like me!

"I think you should ask him." I told Mason with a smile and watched him look around for Spied.

"And grab his ass just for good measure." I added after Mason spotted him. Darius ceremoniously flipped a huge key in an equally huge lock as a resounded click reverberated within the walls of the nearly empty building. It would have been totally silent other than the echoes if Spied hadn't ruined it for everyone.

"AH! MASON OFF MY ASS!" He yelped from the back of the group. Teehee. I think that was my fault. I walked in with my head titled all the way up to take everything in. It was the most spacious building I had ever seen, with wood flooring and completely void of any furniture.

At the fond of the open space there was a spiraling staircase that led to another floor, secluded by a pristinely white wall. All the other walls had been painted the same color, but various posters screamed against the shrilling white.

There was a poster of J.Lo, with her ass directly in the camera and back snaking away from the lenses and her head peeking out with a curly head of hair. Who needs Miss New Booty when they have her? There was a poster of John Travolta from _Saturday Night Fever, _shaking his ass in a way that would make Chaz Blackburn green with envy. There were candid shots of _American Bandstand _scattered too. I was walking backwards to get a better look at John's butt when I ran into a solid chest. I turned around and the most horrifying sight, one that only haunted my nightmares. The face of the man I will surely see before I die.

**Troy**.

_Troy. _

Troy, yea the same weirdo who made up that stupid ass _Super Star, Satellite! _routine

(I mean the man is stranger than the whole entire cast of _Strangers with Candy._ And as far as strange people come, Stephen Colbert is up there. But he's hilarious, so it's ok for him to be weird. I already knew from experience that Troy has no sense of humor. But I do think he would make an excellent director. 'Member when he tried to teach me to dance with Shay. I think that the…_adult movie _industry would really appreciate him. Let me reminisce back to a simpler time for a moment: **"YEA COME ON PEOPLE YEA FIVE SIX FIVE SIX** **SEVEN EIGHT! YEA WOHOO! BREAK IT DOWN! HIP, HIP! YEA PEOPLE! STRONGER!" **If that's not porno dialogue then I do not know what is.), looked around the group with a dismal look on his face.

"You two!" He jabbed two fingers at Tommy and I.

"Get on the dance floor NOW!" Tommy and I looked at each other wordlessly, neither of us knowing _where _the dance floor was. I felt him nudge me encouragingly; saying that he was **not **going to ask and it was up to me.

"Um…excuse me, uh, Troy. _Mr._ Troy, uh, where is this '_dance floor'_?" I asked with a nervous laugh and air quotes that I had a feeling made him even angrier. He looked at me like I was crazy. Well bud, the feeling is mutual.

"_This_ is your dance floor!" He shouted, making his yells echo, as he flung his arms around like he was a propeller. I looked around and saw as he continued to flap his stubby midget limbs, trying to show us that everywhere in _the building_ was our dance floor. I nodded as I began to understand.

"LIFE is your dance floor! Now come out here and show me a few steps."

Yea ok Mr. Fruity-Pebbles, that is **not** going to happen. I do not dance.

"I don't-" I started but Tommy cut me off. He held out his hand chivalrously and I almost forgot that I hated him. But then somewhere inside of me, a boot kicked the senses back and I remembered to hate him.

Sorta.

While I was wrapped in my thoughts about all the things I loathe about Tommy, he pulled me close and left nearly no space between us. Suddenly everything and everyone else melted away while his gentle footsteps guided me in a small circle. I looked up at him, watching him watch me. We seemed to breathe in rhythm as we took two steps forwards, two to the right, two to the left and two steps backwards.

"I never-" he started as he dipped me backwards slowly. I felt his hand find the small of my back as he guided me back up, revealing a solemn face. "-meant to hurt you with my words." He finished.

"What? Did you really mean to smack me around a bit?" I replied, wanting to joke and swat away all the butterflies that suddenly batted their tiny wings inside of me. They shuddered hopelessly as I felt Tommy take my chin in his hands delicately. Everything inside my head told me to walk away. But everywhere else told me to stay right where I was.

And what can I say? I'm a believer in democracy. So I stayed where I was as he lifted my head to look at him.

"I'm serious Jude." He told me as I let my head finally drop. After was seemed like an hour I looked up, with tears instantly in my eyes.

"Yea well…" I said simply, leaving the rest unsaid.

Hours later, literally _hours_, everyone had paired off into a couple and we were under the regiment and mercy of Troy. He had left Tommy and I a moment ago in a frustrated huff because I couldn't understand what he was saying because of the lisp he seemed to have contracted since _Instant Star _rehearsals.

It is not my fault!

He is the one who probably used penis enhancers on his tongue and _that's_ why his mouth can't close over it to say a proper '_s' _anymore. I felt Tommy continue to look at me, although I hadn't undergone any face changing surgery in the time we had been together dancing, while I avoided his gaze.

I saw Spied standing as far away from Mason as possible, who only tried to close the distance. They weren't really dancing. It was like a sick and twisted game cat and mouse, except Mason's hat kept poking Spied in the face.

I saw Darius and E.J. dancing a little too close for _my _comfort as he leaned in to say something to her.

AVERTING EYES NOW!

Shay was with his flavor-of-the-week who tried to pull the Jessica Simpson _tuna-or-fish _bit earlier. I give her until Close Of Business today and then she's gone.

I saw that Portia had gotten her wish, as she snuggled against Craig, who didn't seem to mind in the least.

Liam had lassoed an intern in coming with his and he was currently trying to conceive a baby with her.

AVERTING EYES NOW!

I made the mistake of flicking my gaze over Pasty and Jamie who were to say the least, absolutely traumatizing. I think Pasty was trying to …_mount _him.

OH AVERTING EYES NOW!

I flung my head away from them, as Tommy chuckled softly. Kwest and Sadie looked more than adorable together and almost envied her. Kwest and Sadie clicked. Easily too, no complications. I watched them laugh together about something Kwest had said and I felt myself missing the way Tommy and I had been.

I looked away before I thought about Tommy any more and watched incredulously as Wally and Kyle didn't dance. Lucky bastards. Kyle _tink-tink-tinked_ a steady beat against his cymbals while Wally's bass rung out low notes along with Kyle's beat.

I am so- "OW! God damn it!" I screamed.

What the hell is in my damn foot! I screeched and hollered as Tommy looked down at me worriedly.

"What? What's wrong?" I looked down at my foot to see a small piece of wood protruding from my skin.

"I have a major splinter." I told him as I hobbled to one of the benches that surrounded the rest of the room.

"I told you to keep your socks on."

"And I told you to shut up. We're even." I hissed lightly as I tried to pry the wood out, to no avail. I felt Tommy sit along side me and look down at my foot.

"It's really in there. Let me try." He offered. I was about to protest when he grabbed my foot. W

hat was the point of asking, if was just gonna do what he felt like any way? Idiot. Darius came over with a mildly concerned expression, I think he was still buzzed from his little number with E.J. But whatever.

"I've got some First-Aid stuff up the stairs. See, D's always thinkin'." He told us and poked the side of his head with a finger as if to show his brilliance.

_Noodle, use your noodle. Noodle, do that noodle dance_.

"Just hurry up, we're gonna pack up soon and I want a cover for the party. You just gotta pick a song Jude and Tommy you just gotta work that magic." I am not spending any more time with him!

"But! But what happened to Tommy being fired off my album because of _conflicting personal interest_?" I shouted, spitting back the words he fed to Tommy and I after we had gotten caught in the limo.

"That doesn't seem to be much of a problem any more, does it?" He asked with a malicious grin. "The walls are paper-thin T. **Paper thin**." He called to Tommy as he retreated back to the dance floor of life or whatever the hell Troy called it.

I looked up at Tommy, who had risen already, as he held out his hand for me to balance on. I grabbed it and hauled myself up, leaning against him slightly. And I did mean slightly, until he circled an arm around my waist and pulled me closer against his side as we trudged up the stairs. It was like a weird side shuffle thing. Except that Tommy looked like a ventriloquist and I looked like a tense piece of wood. Or something like that.

I couldn't really make sense of anything when he was so close to me and holding me so unwaveringly. Can I really be expected to? Well I guess I could since I'm supposed to hate him. I mean I do hate him. Just not as much…

Just when I was going to scream from his hipbone crushing mine all to painfully, he set me down gently on the landing. I limped as he held onto my arm and stood as he pulled out a chair for me. "Thanks." I whispered softly as he looked down at me seriously.

"Welcome." He replied while I watched a smile play in his eyes while his lips revealed nothing. He is so infuriating sometimes. I pulled my feet up, making them hover only slightly above the ground, and swung them back and forth as Tommy looked for the band-aids. Or whatever he was looking for. I watched my pair feet swing back and forth from my vision making me dizzy.

_Back…Forth…Back…Forth_.

And I thought about how Tommy and I swayed back and forth.

_Together…Not Together…Together…Not Together_.

_Back…Forth…_

_Together…Not Together…_

_Back…Forth…_

_Together…Not-_

"AH! Found it!" Tommy cried from somewhere in the distance. He came back with a roll of medical gauze and a pair of scissors.

"Gimme your foot." I was about to make a snarky comment or something we he just grabbed my swinging foot out of nowhere.

"Tell me if it hurts."

"How is not going to hurt?" Tommy looked up at me sarcastically. I almost mistook him for me for a moment there.

_Good Grasshopper_. I watched him gingerly touch the skin around the wood, padding it softly. I winced in pain but said nothing.

"What do you want for Christmas?" He asked me conversationally as he looked up.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to my foot?" I asked, putting my guard up.

"Just tell me Jude." He coaxed. Fine, I break easily lately.

Actually I've always caved easily for Tom. Since day 1.

I _did _change my song.

And I _did _do that performance.

And I _did _apologize to Shay. I'm basically at his mercy.

But he's at mine too.

He came to my performance at my school, despite the fangirls.

He stayed at G-Major.

He went to the farm with me.

Quite a game of ping-pong we have actually.

"Well since I was a little girl, I wanted a pony. I still sorta do."

"A pony? I thought Sadie rode." He said. I didn't even notice him grip the piece of wood forcefully.

"How do you think she got into it? I rode first, she was just better and everyone paid more attention to her."

End of story.

Just like every other story.

Whatever, I'm over that. I love Sadie now. And she almost did Liam so I totally have that on her. Cue evil cackle here please.

"So a pony?" He continued.

"Yea, chestnut body. And a dark mane. I would probably name it…Sly." I told him, not realizing that he was inching the overgrown splinter out of my foot.

"As is _Sly Stone_?" He asked.

"Yea actually." I told him without a hint of sarcasm. How did he know that?

"Here." He said almost silently and reached out his hand. I opened my palm as he dropped the wood chip in it quickly. I looked up in disbelief.

"How did you…when?" I stuttered while he merely shrugged.

"Still hurt?" He asked lightly. It was my turn to shrug.

"A little." I told him even though it hurt like hell.

He looked back down at my foot and slowly ran a hand down it. It tickled ridiculously and I let out a shrill giggle. He smiled up and me as he pressed his thumb around the sore area gently. His thumbs alternated slowly, not really making my foot feel any better; but I couldn't say that about the rest of me.

And just as I felt myself going blissfully numb from the mesmerizing circles he traced along the heel of my foot, I heard an engine roar. And just as it registered, the huffing of the car faded off distantly. Tommy scrambled from in front of me, rushed down the stairs and slapped himself against the front doors.

"They're gone. We're stuck."

How much shit do people think I have to go around? Because they keep scaring it out of me like it grows on trees. Well I guess it _technically _could, if I ate trees or whatever. I just meant that he scared me. A lot.

"You're lying." I called down with suspicion.

"Believe it or not Harrison, I don't always lie. And they are really gone-"

"And we are really stuck." I finished, muttering to myself.

* * *

hmmm, I have so many things I want to happen and bunches of ideas are rolling around in my head. But please leave feedback tell me what you think! 


	7. The Unforgettable Fire

**VilandraofAntar** ((I think I have to pose the eternal question, was he hot? But I admire you for getting your money back, I have no spine and I would have let him walk off with it in his pants. I'm trying to think of angry lyrics that could go with Darius' Poppin' A Vein but I challenged when it comes to rhyming...that isn't spelled right. I'm like a step away from the title 'illiterate' how funny. I took ballet for a week and then I dropped out because the teacher said I need to find some common sense. I wanted to punch her but I didn't I just left. After years of the flute I decided to switch to guitar, and yes it is all Jude Harrison's fault, and it's been sitting in my basement since my mom made me move it out of my car because it was 'too distracting'. I don't even know how to strike a chrod and I refuse to take lessons. So I'm fickle and insane. It's a great combination. I'm glad you liked the chapter though!))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((I don't think Juderman will ever _really _die, they merely take a backseat to Jommy. I sorta like Juderman, even now because I'm kinda on the 'bash Tommy's brains' boat. I think Spied really should find his super power because I would laugh at his attempts to find it.))

**tommys21 **((I loved the noodle dance and summer just reminds me of that show all the time. I need to find Mason a man, he keeps praying on the guys. But I think Craig needs a turn on the Mason action too lol. I'm glad you liked the chapter!))

**jackjackio **((I can't even get over that cliffhanger. It made me so mad and blah. So I felt like it was my duty to touch on it lol. Jamie is like the number one Dork. Well not physically anymore since he got hot lol. I really enjoy seeing Tommy squirm, but I think Jude squirming could be hilarious, I'm just trying to think of a plausible way to get them all_...squrimish _lol.))

**Tanya50801 **((PB and J Otter was like my favorite show ever...wait is it still on? I must go find it right now! Ok, I can wait lol. I'm so glad you like the story!))

**angellicious02 **((Oh I have such plans to make him whimper it's pretty evil. Tommy and Jude actually did get it on this is the sequel to Bang Theory and I think they do it in like chapters 11 and 12 lol. I couldn't resist, I just love them too much.))

**Judeh05 **((I have been calling Angelina a homewrecker since Brad and Jen broke up! I think what she does for impoverished countries to excellent but she totally stole Brad and no one can tell me different. Go Team Aniston! I could definitely see Jude's head bashing, it's kinda funny actually lol. I always thought Tommy was kinda mean when he said that so I was like Jude should stick up for herself lol. And I don't want you to die, so I tried for a speedy update lol))

**hmgirl8192 **((Spiederman is a great target for Mason, I can really picture it happening so I try to make it happen as often as possible. There is never such thing as 'too much sugar'! Never ever can one have too much of the wonderful substance! lol, obviously I can. Never feel bad about rambling, I love to read rambles they make me happy! So please ramble on!))

**Latisha C **((I picture Jamie as a lightweight and mixed with his _girlfriend _who seems to be a veteran I think alot could happen after a beer. I love you, I thought I was the only one in the world who watches _Curb Your Enthusiasm, _Larry David is my life. And I think the only episode that topped the massage one was when he stabbed Ben Stiller in the eyeball with a stick or whatever that was. Or when he cut that little girl's doll's hair and then at the end he had a water bottle down his pants when he was hugging her...that was midly disturbing lol. I'm so glad you like my writing so much, I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint!))

I live for your reviews, seriously. I love you guys so I hope you guys are still liking the story so much! But enough of me!

* * *

Chapter 7: _The Unforgettable Fire_

With Tommy downstairs, I sat in my chair for at least ten minutes trying to breathe. I felt quite yoga-y but without the pants. Which sorta sucks because those pants are comfy. I stole a pair of Sadie's once and I wanted to live in them. But when I was in the shower she stole them back, she is evil.

Once I had successfully inhaled and exhaled to the best of my ability I made my way downstairs. The bitch-switch is _so _going back on. I'm not going to be some stupid girl that believes every word a guy says and then gets heartbroken _again_. I'm not going to be Sadie and let him persuade me with a few well-thought, well-rehearsed, already-used words. I won't.

I hobbled down the last step and walked to own of the benches, laying lengthwise on my back and turning my head away from him. As I was staring in fascination at J.Lo's booty I felt his presence and then heard him breathe loudly.

"Congested much, Quincy?"

"What's your problem?" He scoffed, sounding too much like Spied for his own good. Really, sounding like Spied at all can only mean bad **bad **things. For everyone involved.

"We're stuck you idiot, would you like to go walk back?" I was starting to not believe that they would actually forget about us. I mean Tommy was the one who had driven there and I was the one who always ran my mouth. Whatever. "We can just call them." He told me. With what, asshole?

"Well I didn't bring my cell."

"Why not? It's practically attached to you."

"Oh shove it Quincy." I told him.

"No really. I encourage you to shove whatever the hell is up your ass, a little bit further. Because as of right now, I can't see it coming back out your mouth." I continued.

I do **not **want to be stuck with him. If we had still been _whatever_ we were, I would be fine with it. I would be happy about it. Hell I would have probably locked us up in here on purpose. But right now, I just want to scream at him. And hit him in the face. And I want to kiss him too, but no one needs to know about that.

"Or we could just…_talk_." He suggested. Yea ok, I'm gonna _chat _with Tom. Pssht, yea right.

"Well good, I always wanted to know you curl your eyelashes so precisely."

"That's not what I meant." I lifted myself up and stood up in front of him. It was a shameless attempt to stare at him without him catching me. What? He's nice to look at.

"Are they your throwback to Wesley Snipes, _To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar _era? Because you are **really **pulling it off." I told him as my mocking applause filled the tensing air. No really, the air right now should be clientele of Darius' masseuse.

"I thought we could talk about something different." He said.

"Have the Maybelline people heard about you?"

"Jude, I was being serious."

"Well I guess they've _heard _of you. But that's probably only because you've fuc-"

"Can we just talk about us for one minute?" He shouted over me.

"No we cannot."

"Why is that your decision to make?"

"There is no _us_."

"Yes there is." He insisted.

"No! There is no Tommy and Jude anymore. There is no _Jommy_. Jommy is dead! And I am never going to have this fight with you ever again. And even if I were, we would not have it while we're stuck in this hellhole ALL ALONE! How cliché would that be?"

"Probably just enough for Miss Harrison." I am going to look past that unneeded and snarky remark and move on to his evident illiteracy.

"Do you know how to read?" He gave me a look that told me he was insulted that I would think that he couldn't.

"Then why do you say my name like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're hacking up a fur ball in the first syllable. And when you say the second one, your teeth are so close together that they squish the sound and it looks like you are trying to grind your teeth into some kinda of powder that you will probably smoke or snuff later."

"Well I wasn't aware that I did." He said through clinched teeth and forced a grin.

"I can see right through that. Plus you're clenching your fists. Tell tale sign of repressed anger. But I love that you underestimate how well I can read you. I bet it'll come in handy sometime. And can I just say one more thing?"

I wasn't going to wait for an answer but he grumbled an _'I don't think I can stop you'_ that he totally thought I didn't hear. But I did.

"I hate the way you say my first name."

That is a lie. A bald face lie. I swear lightening will come down and strike my while I lie to him. Whatever.

"You say the _u _like you have a vibrator in your mouth or something." I told him matter-of-factly.

Wait…why did I just say that? I guess Tommy doesn't know either since he's looking at me like I'm insane. Well I am. And I am also dropping this subject.

"Or a penis." I mumbled almost inaudibly.

Ok I lied again; I'm not dropping the subject.

I watched him flip his head towards me violently with a crazed look in his eyes.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing."

I'm a liar.

"I'm pretty sure I heard _penis_."

"No you didn't."

I'm a liar.

"Are you ever going to stop being pissed at me?" He wanted to know.

"I'm over it Tommy."

I'm a liar.

"No actually I'm more over _you _than the situation."

I'm a liar.

"But I still can't really get over how well you play the game. My sister fell for it. And here I am, trying to pick myself up after that catastrophic tumble."

Ok, I wasn't lying there.

I realized I had dropped my gaze towards the floor so I looked back up to see if he had anything to say. He stood there gaping at me, his mouth slightly open and his eyes pentrating. And **not **in a dirty way. I don't think like that all the time.

Actually the only person I know, besides Spied, that thinks like that all the time is Hal Sparks. I wanted to marry him after I saw an episode of _Queer As Folk _and after some research he found out that he guest starred on _Doctor Quinn: Medicine Woman. _Plus he's on VH1 all the time and the man really has the mind of _Jay and Silent Bob _mashed together with Kathy Griffin. It's ridiculous.

I sat back down, biting my nails ferociously, like Tom Hanks ate that coconut in _Castaway _or like Brooke Shields in half the scenes of _Blue Lagoon_, and sighed discontentedly. I could feel him watching me, and it only made me madder. And it only made me huff louder. And it only made me slowly turn into a raging bull. Except I learned that all bulls are boys. And the most incredible epiphany that rooted from the discovery was that all cows are girls! Seriously, I never knew that. Well I guess I just didn't _think _about it.

"Go away Quincy." I growled at my teeth whittled away my cuticles. Tommy seemed to get the picture that I kinda hated him, or at least he got the picture I was trying to convey.

Honestly, I knew I didn't hate him. I knew I couldn't hate him. But it was still fun.

I watched him saunter over towards Kyle's drums and rattle a soft beat, tap-tap-tapping the sticks repeatedly. I made my way over and sat myself on the floor across from him. When I heard a faint hum, I plastered a fake grin on my face and cleared my throat pointedly.

"You taught me three things Quincy and I won't ever forget them. '_Never make a concept album. **Never let the drummer sing**.'_" I told him, mocking his stern voice and lecturing facial expressions.

Even though I always thought Kyle would be hurt if he heard that. And anyways, how the hell would Tommy know? His band didn't even play instruments. They learned dance moves and lip synced on stage. There are no grounds for his proclamation against drummers. Actually I don't think I would really know, because I don't know how long he had actually been producing before Instant Star. Whatever.

"That's only two girl. I believe the one you're missing is '_Never romance within the band'_."

"Banish those dirty thoughts YoKo." I told him with a roll of my eyes.

"Well I was right. Wasn't I? I don't see things goin' so hot with Spiederman right now."

"Oh shut up Quincy, before your head gets any fatter."

"I'm just sayin'." He said innocently and held up his palms to show me they were clean. I didn't care what he said or what he did. It was his fault I couldn't be with Spied. And I was getting mad.

"No you were not _just saying _**anything**. You were insinuating because you know that no matter how hard I try I can't get past you. And I can't seem to ever get over you. First it was Shay then it was Jamie and you had to ruin whatever I had with Spied too." I shouted angrily and waving my hands at him like a crazy person. I watched him wheeze like a fish out of water at least four times before turning fiercely on my heel and storming away.

"Thanks Quincy." I called and stomped for my bench again. As soon as I felt my butt make contact with the hard wood and I closed my eyes. As I rested my head against the wall, I could feel him near me.

"Leave me be Tom."

"Talk to me."

"What part of _leave me be _do you not get? I am currently mourning the past relationships you ruined." I cracked an eye open to see him sway one foot through the air and shove his hands in his pocket.

Dr. Phil would have a field day with him.

"I wouldn't have ruined them if you hadn't let me. You know that."

WTF? I was ready to tell him to go get some ass-sex but he cut me off.

"Before you tell me to go find a male hooker let me say one last thing. It's always you and me. And whoever gets between us inevitably gets burned. Look at Shay, look at Jamie, look at Spied, and look at Sadie. And I don't wanna get burned and leave what we have untouched. I want to be with you Jude."

_The Unforgettable Fire _anyone?

It's really a surprise that I can call up a U2 album from like 16 years ago while I'm fighting with Tommy and I can't even remember who my biggest musical influence is when Vanessa Milano asks me.

"I was going to say _call boy _since Patricia Arquette was offended by the term _hooker _in _True Romance_. But let me say something too. Nothing is ever _inevitable. _There is always a way to evade it. And if you want me to believe anything you say, you have to stop lying Tom." I told him solemnly.

"Who says I'm lying."

"I am."

"How do you know Jude?"

"I just do."

"But _how_?" He almost pleaded. I looked up at him and stood up and pushed myself as close to him as I could get. I felt him tense and exhale against my skin as I opened my lips, hovering above the sensitive skin between his ear and his neck.

"Because you can't tell the truth to save your life Quincy." I whispered and pulled away to sit down. "I'm tired of fighting with you." I watched his eyes light up as he opened his mouth to say something. "But I'm not going to break. You can't come back in." I told him and I meant it.

But even as the words flew from my unthinking lips I knew that he had already wormed back under my skin.

I need some _Raid _damn it!

"You don't want to be with me or you wouldn't have said the things you said. You wouldn't have played off all the things you know that I was most afraid of. You wouldn't be acting the way you're acting if you care at all. You know you don't. I know you don't. J.Lo's ass knows you don't!" I shouted as I pointed to the poster of her. I opened my mouth but found no second wind. So I sat my ass down again and purposefully looked at anything but him.

"_Jude_ come on. We could be spending our time in a much more _useful _way than fighting like this." He coaxed and kneeled next to me.

"Why do you think you can still play me like before?"

"What's so different about now than then?" He wanted to know.

"You are the biggest asshole I have _ever _had the displeasure to meet."

"Well I'm glad you'll remember me for _something_." He told me cheekily.

"Forget it Quincy." I watched him look at me disbelievingly and it only made me ever more mad.

I was like a raging _G.I. Jane. _I knew I was moments away from telling Tommy to '_Suck. My. Dick.' _I didn't really want to sink that low, so I let the first thought fly out of my open mouth. And just a btw-Have you ever been told to say something seven times if your head before saying them out loud? Best advice I ever got.

"I've got a new boyfriend and now you're just old news. And I do mean _old_." I spat back.

Oops, lie.

"Well fine then. Why don't you have us meet him at this _ball_?" He said and made a face when he said _ball _and flung his hands in the arm. I am **sure **he's not mocking the wonderful dance steps we learned today.

"Fine then. I most certainly will!"

Oops, lie.

I don't have a boyfriend. Uh-oh. It looks like I may have dug a little hole for myself. I will currently jump in as I attempt to insert my foot into my mouth.

Suck on that David Blaine. I bet he couldn't even do that. Stupid man, tricking me like that! I stayed tuned for like eleven hours, because he promised he was going to set himself on fire live. And I played into it; and then when the program had like _20 seconds_ left, the crew wrapped him in a non-flammable blanket. And _then _they set him on fire. DUH, he wasn't really on fire. The damn blanket wasn't even on fire. Only a little bit of the ground him was on fire. Needless to say but it totally sucked. And the worst part of the whole ordeal was that David actually screamed and moaned about. He actually complained that it was "HOT! HOT!" HE WAS NOT ON FIRE! I want those hours back. I want to live like two hours longer. I WANT THEM BACK DAVID BLAINE! He should be sleeping with a pistol, because I will totally come find him.

No really… how did I get on the tangent-train? I definitely don't remember the whistle blowing, signaling the arrival. And I totally don't remember the conductor asking for my ticket.

Well whatever, the fact of the matter is that I am stuck with Tommy.

Tommy Quincy, who just broke my heart.

Tommy Quincy, who looks devilishly good-looking right now.

Damn him and his sexy aura. But I mean, my God, the aura does not leave him. Ever. I have never seen him _not _sexy. Even when he's trying to be not sexy and trying to get me to take him seriously, he's still totally sexy. I felt him watching me bashfully and I realized that I had finally put him in his place. With a lie. What is with me? I sighed loudly and joined him on the ground.

"Truce?" I offered as I extended my hand. I watched him eye me for a moment before he huffed similarly and grasped my hand back. I am going to choose to ignore that jolt I felt and move on.

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"No."

"Why not."

"Why don't you ask a ninja. I hear those pod-casts are really popular. They have a cool theme song and everything."

"Why not Jude?"

"_Well I am ninja_."

"It's funny."

"_He is ninja, she is ninja too._"

"I say _knock, knock_,"

"_I am ninja, we are ninja_."

"You say _who's there?_"

"_Und I believe that you are ninja too._" I am not going to listen to this man.

"Why couldn't the witch have babies?"

Oh I know…wait. No I don't know that one. I looked up with see him staring intently down at me with a smile. Oh fine!

"Why?" I asked with a faked smile. I watched him laugh and felt my smile break wider and truer before I realized it. But when I caught it, I was back on my way to the _Heart Break Hotel_.

Ok not really, but I love Elvis.I forced my face back into the perpetual Quincy induced scowl and looked down at my bare feet.

"Because the wizard had a _Hallow Weenie!_" He said on a jolly laugh. Ok that was funny. I giggled along sporadically with Tommy, but it only seemed to encourage him. Who remembers that episode of _7th Heaven _where Matt and his girlfriend fight about hope vs. false hope? I don't completely remember it, but I kinda felt like I was giving Tommy false hope. Maybe that truce was false hope for him too. Or maybe myself, but I don't care because I can always lie to me. Tommy catches on too quickly.

"Ok, ok" He started between his dying giggles and snorts. I will touch on that later because _my oh my!_ It is weird to hear his weird giggly/snorty thing. "So two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other 'man it's hot in here' and the other goes 'AH a talking muffin!'" He said changing his inflections for each muffin, like they were a person.

I wonder what I would name my muffins if they were alive…no I don't think I would name them because I would be too busy throwing them to the floor and running away because of a human muffin thing trying to talk to me. I looked down at my feet, willing my frown not to break but when he nudged my shoulder slightly it faltered and then broke into a grin and then fell away to my soft giggles. Ok I am such a girl.

"Alright Mister. I've got one, all those years at camp helped me out." I started, trying to think of one.

I never wanted to go to camp. I was actually afraid because I saw that Kevin Bacon movie _White Water Summer, _where everyone is at camp and they all die. I think Kevin died while he was having sex but I don't really remember. But whenever it was suggested in the summer, I always threw a fit and had a tantrum. And I usually tried to have them in public places to embarrass my parents because I was really an evil child. Now, I'm never home so that don't even know. Well my mom isn't even back from where ever _Don _yet, so I guess it's my dad that doesn't know.

But a joke…OH YEAH!

"Alright, ok. Alright, what did the girl melon say to the boy melon when he proposed?" I asked, stuttering with laughter in the beginning.

"I dunno, what?" Tommy asked, his mouth open and his eyes still laughing.

"We're too young! We cantaloupe!" I cried and swung my feet off the ground and over my head as I laughed. I heard Tommy laughing similarly and I stopped to wonder why we were laughing so hard.

These jokes weren't very funny. I looked back at him, about to say something, when he cut me off.

"Where do bees go on their days off?" He asked me with a small laugh.

"I don't know. Where?" I asked, much more soberly than before.

"The Wax museum." He said with a laugh that was so infectious that I joined in.

"I've got one." I announced as I straightened myself up.

"A polar bear walks into a bar and yes says '_I'll have a gin…and tonic_.'" I started and raised my hands in the air like I had bear claws and paused between gin and tonic. "And the bartender goes '_What's with the pause?_' And the polar bear says, '_I dunno. I've had them all my life!'_" I said and burst into peels of laughter again.

I could tell that Tommy was at least two minutes away from tickling so I started again with a clear of my throat. "What's in the middle of nowhere?" I asked. I saw him watch me seriously, never even blinking as he quietly responded.

"I dunno, what?" He asked in a whisper.

"An H!" I almost screamed, trying to drown out the deafening silence. I didn't even wait for the laugh that barely came as I told another.

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks." I giggled weakly and felt it die away when I looked at Tommy's contemplative expression.

I could feel him studying me and watching me, and it all suddenly grew serious as he brought his face all too close to mine. But I liked it there and I wasn't going to move.

"Knock, knock." He whispered, inches from my lips. I felt his breath blistering against my lips, like the hard skin of a Granny Smith apple after two bites. But I wanted more.

"Who's there?" I questioned in a similar whisper, slowly inching forwards and letting my breath hover over his skin like a soft blanket. I inched closer as I felt his hand snake around my back, pulling me even more forwards. Just as I saw him close his eyes and inhale something clicked in my head and flew back, surprising both of us. Hmmm, it's kinda nice to be the one to pull back. To be the one in control.

"Who's there?" I asked again with more force. I watched him stutter stupidly in front of me, drawing a small chuckle from the pit of my stomach. I like to see him squirm.

_Later that Day…_

"_You make me wanna lala_."

"Stop it Jude." He warned me. Whatever.

"_In the kitchen_." "Jude." He said again.

Yes, tis my name.

"_On the floor_." I got up and shimmed at him.

"I'll be your French maid."

"It was a simple question."

"And this is a simple, lyrical answer. Now where was I?" I stroked my chin as if I were thinking with another small laugh.

"Was it _Pieces of Me _or was it _Autobiography_?" I posed out loud, feigning real thought. I looked down at Tommy from the stage and saw him shrug his shoulders exaggeratedly. Oh he knows. He _so _knows.

"You're right. I don't remember either. Why don't I just go for the whole damn medley you know you wanna hear?"

"Jude, do not do this to me."

"I am not the one who asked what your favorite Ashlee Simpson song is. This is your doing Tommy." I chided lightly. Now let me think…

"_Nobody's really seen my million subtleties…got stains on my t-shirt and I'm the big-gest flirt. Right now I'm solo but that will be changin' eventually,"_

I shouted while I thrashed my hair in a way that would make the _Headbanger's Ballers _pretty damn proud.

"_Here I am. Perfect as I'm ever gonna be. Stick around; I'm not the kind of girl you wanna leave. You'll see. - _

_So what's my damage today? Don't let me get in your way. Let it out like you always do, the trouble between me and you is-_

_Better off every day. When I'm standin' in the pourin' rain. I don't mind. I think of you and everything's- _

_Tragic, stumblin' through all this static. I just wanna talk to you. But my broken heart just has no use. And I guess promises are better left- _

_bad. Got me heals overhead. You got me easy. You got me easy. You got me easy. You got me -_

_On a Monday. I am waiting. And by Tuesday, I am fading and by Wednesday- _

_I'm broken in two. All the things left undiscovered, leave me empty and left to wonder. I need you. All the things left undiscovered. Leave me waiting and left to wonder. I need-_"

Believe me, I would have continued on with Ashlee's _Autobiography _but Tom stopped me.

"Girl, I think you know what I'm going to ask you now."

"How can you get a nose as good as Ash's. I heard Liam wondering about the same thing earlier. Actually no…no he wasn't. He was wondering which enhancer would help him most. You know…" I held a cupped hand to the side of my mouth and motioned to keep it all the Down Low while I whispered, "his _penis_."

I watched Tommy cringe and shift while I said it and really, it only egged me on further.

"His _wiener. Liam Junior_, if you will.

His _man candy_.

The _garden snake_.

That slithers _where the sun don't shine_." I said in a stage whisper and obvious winks.

"Jude, really you are taking away my will to live."

"Oh come, it's not anything you haven't seen." I said off-handedly.

"Well, maybe you have. I'm not saying that you _have_."

Oops, ma bee.

I watched his eyes bug as I giggled myself silly and dropped down to the edge of stage and he hopped up to join me. I watched my feet swing back and forth, hitting the wood lightly each time.

"So what's his name?" Tommy asked in a strained voice.

"Whose?" I asked as I looked up, flipping hair from my face to look at him. I saw him watch the wave of blonde that barely grazed his face. He lifted his hand to a strand that laid lone on my shoulder, twirling it between his fingers. I watched him run a tender finger through the split ends as he brought it to his lips. I felt a small tug as he ran a lock of my hair against his lips gently. I wanted nothing more than to run my own lips along his but I shook myself lightly as he let my hair drop back again.

"Your boyfriend's." He said simply, looking at my in the eyes. With a stare that made me weak. I gulped loudly as I stuttered over a name.

"It's uh…um…a secret."


	8. We Don't Need to Whisper

If I had a huge batch of Tommy cookies, Iwould igve everyone of you a thousand of them! I love you guys, I'm completely blown away! Ok enough sappiness, I promise. But I have to thank you guysa thousand times over, especially

**tommys21 **((I've already devised my scheme and it's really gonna come back and bite her in the ass. Well at least so far lol))

**Alexzgirl1 **((I admire Jude in the show, if I were her I would be jumping on Tommy all the time. She has willpower to be admired lol. Tommy's reaction is still to come, but I've planned that he flips out. Seriously flips out lol))

**Tommy4eva **((Ouch, I hope your collarbone is ok! Last year at fourth of July my neighbor, who I thought was hot, threw a rock at me and it smacked right into my collarbone. It wasn't broken but I do not speak to him. Plus he got ugly lol. I hope you like the cahpter!))

**VilandraofAntar **((Yuck, first season Jamie...with a moustache. I would probably have to avert my eyes whenever he was around. I think Mason might welcome him with open arms if he _really _knows how to shake his groove thang. Ok, I'll stop that I promise. Oh my God I was up way late last night and I saw previews for _The Lady in the Water _and I almost started crying right on the stop and I had to sleep with my light on. I can't deal with horror movies since I saw _The Exorcist _when I was in 6th grade and it scarred me. My parents have started wondering why I'm on the computer all the time so they sit right next to me while I'm on and hover so I pretend that I'm buying hundreds of songs on I-Tunes and they go away. Teehee, Edwin the Barista. I'd do him. You must see the new Panic! At the Disco video, I fell in love all over again!))

**Duddley111 **((lol, that is the best way to describe it lol. I'm so glad you liked it!))

**jackiojack **((I say 'ma bee' so often that Math teacher would make me go up to the board and do problems if I said it in his room, but he's a creep so whatever. Jude's a bad liar but Tommy's a dumbass lol. I'm so glad you liked it!))

**hmgirl8192 **((Oh I love it when I know all the jokes, like on _Friends _and stuff! I love rambling I encourage it, so please jump on the tangent train. Hey that's a cool name! lol, I'm glad you liked it!))

**Varley990 **((I should put up a warning lol! You rock too! I'm so glad you liked it!))

**Latisha C **((I hate David Blane, he makes me angry and sad for the world of magic and it's hard to envoke sympathy for them! I watched him yank this lady's teeth out, put them in his mouth and then blow them back in her face. It was deeply weird. Everything he does is stupid and **not magic**!_Mindfreak _is my magic guy, he's the coolest magician ever. Ashlee also makes me want to cry, that whole thing took a lot out of me. I had to go to I-Tunes and listen to the thrity second clips of all her first album. All of it. And then one might ask why I didn't just _not _use the Ashlee Simpsonpart, but once I got it in my headI wouldn't let it go. I'm like apitbull or that other mean dog. I know what you mean about the prissypeople fromschool, who seem to have infinte resources and they don't watch Curb Your Enthusiam. There is no excuse for not watching it! It should be a law. His wife is slightly irritating sometimes, but I love the blind guy. He's my life))

**Judeh05 **((Magentia is the best color for an aura. I bet, I don't really know but magenta is pretty lol. Oh I am so split about the Nick and Jessica thing. I am officially in love with Nick so it skews my view of Jessica but right now, I feel bad for her. I think I will always like her better than Ashlee though. After the Wilmer thing I can't like Ashlee. But out the three, Nick's music is my favorite and it's not just because he's sexy. Ok, yes it is. lol, rambles sneak up like that. It's scary!))

**pixiestix16 **((Hmmm, oh yeah smacking Liam's ass! Yea that was a dream and the elipses were my futile attempt to show that it was actually a dream. I was going to put the whole thing in italics but then I forgot lol. I'm violent to TV and book and movie and ff characters that I hate because there's nothing I can _really _do to them because they don't exist lol. I think Jude should always be in trouble and always paying back the fates for getting such good luck with Tommy! Damn her, I want Tommy too! I can't blame shopping for my three-year old tendancies because it's like 11. Ok I could, but I just got up lol.))

You guys are my life and I love love love love LOVE you! Ok on with the chapter, I promise

* * *

Chapter 8: _We Don't Need to Whisper_

"Let's play a pretend game." He suggested after I lectured him on how I wasn't going to tell him who my 'boyfriend' was. Partly because I really enjoy watching him fidget in silent anger and because…oh yeah, I don't have a boyfriend. That kinda got in the way.

"Tom, I am not giving you a virtual blowjob. What is the matter with you?" I said snidely and in turn watched him whip his head up from the ground and sit straight up.

"Portia told you?" He almost screamed.

If I said no, I would be lying sorta.

"No, _Sadie _told me." They actually both told me about it but whatever, whose really keeping score. I watched him blush to the roots of his gelled hair, sending me into a fit of giggles.

"I have a question though." I pronounced with feigned innocence. "I don't care." He said through gritted teeth. Jeez Tom, calm down.

_In through the nose, out through the mouth._

**In through the nose**

"How does one _give _a virtual blowjob?"

**Out through the mouth.**

**In through the nose**

"And how does one _receive _and virtual blowjob?"

**Out through the mouth.**

I think I'm making him mad. Or embarrassed. Uh-oh. "Would you like me to teach you Harrison?" He asked wryly with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Actually, I would. But whatever. I

looked over at him, from the other edge of the stage where I had been lying peacefully when the light bulb suddenly sparked in my head. I am evil and I love it. No wonder Brendan Fraser sold his soul to Elizabeth Hurly in _Bedazzled_, but that was a bad movie and I'm going to pretend I never saw it.

I crawled over to him on all fours, shifting slightly so that I knew he had a good look at what was underneath my shirt. Which happened to be a tank top but whatever, it was seductive in theory. And I saw him look, so I win. When I sidled next to him, I let a hand rest on his knee forcefully and I pushed on it as I leaned forwards to his ear.

"I'm your clay. Mould me." I whispered and let my breath splay across his skin.

I felt him shudder from underneath me as I put myself full in his lap. Hey, this is fun! And not just because I get Tommy to hold me. Wait, did I just say that? I have no brains.

I felt myself blush while the flush left me feeling as red as my hair had been while I leaped off his lap. My back faced him as I dangled my feet from the edge of raised stage while I hunched over with a heaving sigh.

"What did you want to pretend?" I called out, thinking he was still a few feet away from me. But when I turned my head and rested my hand on the floor to turn myself I smashed my forehead against his.

Isn't that the second time I've done that? I'm remembering _Moosejaw_ and my futile attempt to flirt with him when Jamie was like two feet away and panting like a lap dog and aggervating the hell out of me.

Whatever, I had bigger things to worry about. Like the fact that instead of my fingers colliding with the sanded wood of the stage I accidentally grabbed Tom.

Like lots of Tom.

Like, **Tom**.

If you know what I mean.

In dangerous places.

Cue creepy old man winks here.

Well it was _one_ place, with _many_ purposes and …_uses_.

I couldn't stop the yelp that flew from my lips as I flung my hand away from his crotch. Except I sorta smacked him with my knuckles in the processes, making his groan in pain. Oops.

"Oh my God! Is that blood?" I shrieked and moved his hands away from his nose to get a better look. I murmured a few more _oh my God_'s before finally going into action. Damn it, what do I do?

I've watched Grey's Anatomy and House so many damn time but they never treat a friggin' nose bleed. I could probably perform a damn open-heart surgery but I can't stop a nose from bleeding. I looked up from my shaking hands and saw Tommy shaking similarly. At first I thought he was having some kind of fit or seizure and I immediately started to panic. But after a few seconds I saw that he was merely shaking with laughter.

"Stop laughing Quincy and come with me." I commanded and held a hand from his grasp. I jumped down first while he followed as I got behind him and pushed him a few feet to the stairs.

"UP!" I grunted while I tried to push the grown man up the stairs.

"But this is fun for me." Came him jolly reply.

"I am going to make this so _not _fun that you are going to wish for a virtual blowjob from a very drunk Jamie." I retorted and gave him a final shove up the last step. I had been brushing myself off and didn't see him staring down at me intently until I looked up. I threw him a look and forcefully pointed to the same chair that I had been sitting in earlier. I turned the first aid kit upside down as the contents scattered themselves all around me. I didn't really know what to use or what to do so I grabbed a pair of scissors and medical tape and stocked over to Tommy. His gaze traveled to my hands and he jumped out of his skin when he saw the scissors.

"What do you need those for?" He asked almost warily.

"Oh stop acting like I would actually cut you up. Are you stupid?"

"Harrison you have done enough in the past two days that would make Mr. T afraid of you."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't just hear you say that. Because _I pity the fool _that thinks my anger was unjustified." I spat back as I knelt in front of him, batting away his hands so that I could see his nose. I bit on my bottom lip, trying to find my way around in the mess of blood. I let out a small grunt as I craned my neck further, touching a hand to the bridge of his nose.

"It doesn't feel broken." I remarked as I slid my finger across the solid cartilage.

"Does it hurt?" I asked softly, finally looking him in the eyes. An array of emotions passed through his eyes, his expression almost frozen as he continued to watch me. I let my hands drop from his nose, resting them in his strong hands. I could see everything conflicting inside him, feeling it pass through our connected hands and electrocute my system. If he had told me to run away with him, I wouldn't have to think twice.

"No." He said simply. I felt myself pull away, not getting the answer that I wanted and feeling slightly disappointed. I watched him jab a finger in the direction of a hall that twisted beyond my vision.

"I'm gonna look for a bathroom or something." He told me as I merely nodded and made my way back down the stairs.

What did I want him to say?

What did I want him to do?

I didn't know.

I didn't know anything anymore.

But I was sure that all the things I was feeling for Tommy were contradicting everything that I had told him, Sadie, Kat and myself.

Who was I fooling?

"JUDE!" Rang out through the abandoned enormity, shaking the walls. Well obviously, _We Don't Need to Whisper._

"What?" I called back hoping my voice carried. I turned my head from where I had been sitting to focus at the top of the stairs. Tommy came running out excitedly, his face void of any trace that I had beaten him, and I could see his eyes glowing with excitement.

"There's a piano up here." He called like a little boy at Christmas.

"Woohoo, old man." I mocked despite the rush I felt at the prospect of creating a song with Tommy. It had been too long that we had done something musical together. He had been fired off my album and we didn't have an excuse to hang out until three in the morning at the studio anymore.

"Come up here!" He called down to me and watched impatiently for me to get up.

I trudged up the steps and followed the winding hallway, reminding me of a twisted the _Yellow Brick Road_. I wonder if I get to see the Wizard!

I heard the soft tinkling of a piano and stepped to a doorway, revealing Tommy sitting at a baby grand. The sleek black exterior contrasted almost painfully with the consistent white of the walls around the building. A bench sat in front of the piano, that seemed to gleam and shimmer with perfection, on top of deep chestnut, knotted wooden floors. A slow smile stretched through my lips and etched itself within my features as I turned to Tom.

_Half an hour later…_

"Well, what rhymes with shelf?" I demanded loudly.

"I don't know! You're the one that came up with the damn rhyme scheme." He shot back frustratedly as he pounded a few notes on piano.

Damn it, what _does_ rhyme with shelf? What a stupid word. It's so high and mighty and boastful. _"Oh my name is **shelf **and I'm a sissy because I don't wanna play nice with the other words and let them rhyme with me. I'm really just a-"_

"SELF!" I shouted. Duh. I watched Tommy playing the words back in his head as a smile broke out and phrased it back to me.

"_All alone on the **shelf**._" He looked to me, seeing if I agreed and when I nodded I watched him search for lyrics for the filler line. "_I'm_ _trying to hold on. To a little piece of my**self**_." He finished, looking satisfied. I nodded as my grin grew wider and I joined him on the piano bench.

I suddenly let my fingers slide over the familiar keys of _White Lines_, a song that had taken on an entirely different meaning from when I had first written it. Normally I could never transition so fast from song to song, one melody usually lingering exasperatingly and begging to be finished. But this time the soft riff melted into my thoughts as I slowly hummed the words.

"_I tried to say, I need my space. I've got to get some distance in between my heart and my head. I'm on the razor's edge; I've been here before. I know the way_."

I felt the air between us buzz with his soft hum as he sang out "_White Lines_" _"and headlights in my eyes" _

_"White Lines" _

_"I'm ready to drive all night" _

_"__White Lines" _

_"How many till I'm in your arms?"_ I sang softly with flickers of sadness as I looked up at him.

We finished the chorus together, ending on a quiet _"white lines"._ I opened my mouth, feeling excuses and regrets gurgling and itching to spill out. "Tommy, I-" He shook his head as he slowly closed the piano.

"Wanna play now?" He coaxed gently, making me feel like a fool all over again. He had cut me off just like all the others times I had done the same to him. He had done me a favor, or things I knew I wouldn't want to say would have come tumbling out. Maybe they could have fixed things and helped me seen what I was really feeling, past the bitterness, but maybe they would have made everything more complicated.

Plus, this humiliation is what I get for trying to be a vixen. Or Sadie. I mumbled a small _yeah _as my head sunk further towards the ground and my shade deepened again. I looked up at him while the silence persisted and I noticed him watching me intently. Oh shit, what did I do now? My hands quickly found their way to my hair and between my teeth, scouting for whatever was out of place and causing him to stare. But my fluttering hands stopped when he opened his mouth again.

"Let's play _End of the World_?" He offered. No. I am not playing that game with Tommy Quincy. I am not going to let him be privy to by weirdness. I just gave him a look like I didn't know what the hell he was talking about but he merely rolled his eyes back at me.

"You and Kat have played this at the studio so many times that the innocent face you're pulling should be illegal." He informed me, breaking the awkward film that had coated us moments ago.

Ah foiled again! Rats! I feel like _Brain _from _Pinky and the Brain _like at every climax of the episode, you think he's totally going to take us all over and then his plans wilts and you want to cry but you have to laugh. _"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Devise a plan to take over the world!"_ Jamie and I tried to do that once. We went around the neighborhood and we tried to take people's dogs so that we could persuade them into making us their _rulers, _or as Jamie put it 'sovereigns', but once Jamie got bitten we had to go the hospital and that was the end of the game. I really connect with Brain just like Eden probably really connects with Pinky. I don't know how many brain cells they have in common, but I think I could probably count the combined number on one hand.

"Ok fine, but only because I'm kinda curious about you." I replied cheekily. I heard him inhale loudly with his lips poised to speak but I beat him.

"I'll go first." I cut in and sat thinking for a moment. "Ok if it were the end of the world and you had to repopulate the planet with either…Loreli from _Gilmore Girls_ or…Julie Cooper, who would you pick?" I watched a contemplative expression mask his features, forgoing the _I-don't-know-who-Julie-Cooper-is _song and dance. I've made him watch The O.C. with me a few times.

"Well if I happen to piss off Mrs. Cooper-Nichol-Cohen-Cooper-Roberts then she would probably feed my manhood to a piranha. So I think that I have to go with Loreli." Hmm, good answer. I'm tallying a score…

_Skeeve Tommy: **0**_

_Wholesome Tommy: **1 **_

I nodded approvingly as I waited for his options. "Alright, if the world ended and you had to repopulate the planet with either…Darius or Liam, which tycoon would you pick?"

"HEY! That's not fair, that's totally _loose-loose_."

"Sorry _Jude_. Gotta pick one, it's the rules." He said with a shrug and a look that told me he was anything but sorry.

I reached over and pinched him in the arm with the Boyz Attack!est scowl I could muster before slumping back and watching his nurse his future bruise. I really had no idea. I mean Liam lays prostitutes and Darius lays groupies. And his groupies are synonymous with eating condiments off of him and I really will never swing like that. For Darius or for Tommy. Something is just so unappealing about it that I feel like vomiting when I even think about it.

"STD's withstanding or not withstanding?" I muttered.

"Not withstanding." He confirmed while I huffed loudly.

"You are gonna regret this Quincy but I guess I would have to choose…Liam."

When it comes down to it, Liam is mean and gross but Darius just scares the living shit out of me. Tommy shot me a look that said _I-can't-even-believe-you-just-said-that _and made him look like a lost character from _Beverly Hills 90210_. Loser.

"Oh shut up Donna Martin, his accent is sexy and you know it. Besides, Darius has abnormally large nostrils and if he gets high on tropical plants, I don't wanna be there when he decides to shove stuff up there. And I really don't wanna be around when he has to get rocks and palm tree leaves out." I told him.

He looked at me, completely dumbfounded, for a moment before bursting out in incredibly vocal laughter. I joined in for a few seconds but when he continued down the path to crazy, I stopped and looked at him seriously.

"It wasn't that funny." I told him but I don't think he could hear me, so I tried again.

"It wasn't that funny!" I called over his peels of laughter. I think he was ignoring so I stopped and just watched him laugh like he was insane for a few minutes before he finally calmed down.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked him. He pointed his forefingers at himself, poking his chest lightly.

"Yes, _you_. Were you sniffing something while I was downstairs? It's gonna fry whatever brain cells you have left." I informed him, full of bullshitted knowledge. MTV informs me and that's it. Well whatever, it's my turn.

"Lil' Kim or Florence Henderson?" I asked him. He rubbed his eyes of the reminiscent tears of laugher as he sat straighter and looked at me seriously.

"Where did _that _come from?"

"From my non-fried brain. Duh."

"Who says _duh _anymore? What are you twelve?"

"If I were twelve then you would definitely be in jail right now, hopefully not dropping the soap. Or maybe you would want to, I haven't checked up on you in a while."

"Hey, I don't float that way. Nothing's changed since that time when we…"

"Had sex?"

"Well I wasn't going to say it so abruptly but…"

"Oh well, do you prefer _made beautiful music_? Or is that not girly enough for you?"

"Jude come on."

"No I think it's my turn to come on _you._ Mrs. Brady or Lil' Kim?"

"Can I choose neither?"

"No but the records will show reluctance."

"Mrs. Brady." He said quietly. No points here, that wasn't very fair of me.

"It's your turn." I said. "Spiederman or Wally?"

"Why would you ask me that? Are you going to go back and tell them?"

"No. Your secret's safe with me."

"_That's_ reassuring."

"Come on Vincent or Wally?" Except he said Wally like it was spelled _Wall-AY_. And an exclamation point at the end of his name.

"Do _you_ wanna repopulate the world with _Wall-AY_? Or am I misinterpreting your enthusiasm?"

"Just pick Jude." I really already know what Spiederman is about. Fart jokes and too much tongue. But some times he strikes a funny chord and he's hilarious for an entire week. Wally seems shy, be he isn't. He's like a little brother. I think it would be less weird if I could see him as an older brother. Ok an older stepbrother. Or like a cousin. A second cousin. Eleven times removed. I just can't get there.

"Spied." I said almost ruefully. I watched Tommy nod his head thoughtfully, though I had known he had been watching me fight the battle for Wally and I knew he knew that I couldn't win. It's just too weird.

"Dirrty Christina or pre K-Fed Britney?"

"I wanna get _dirrt-ay!_" He sung out loud, tilting his head like he was howling at the moon. Like adog. Or a wolf, but whatever.

"Tom, I didn't need the sound bytes, spare me." I think this calls for some point counting.

_Skeeve Tommy_: **1**

_Wholesome Tommy: _**1**

"Usher or Danny DeVito."

"Did you really just ask me that?" When he sincerely nodded I just stared at him for a moment.

"_Other People's Money _Danny DeVito?"

He nodded again.

"The doctor in _The Virgin Suicides _Danny DeVito?"

His head bobbed up and down. "_Get Shorty _Danny DeVito?" He nodded more vigorously, loss his patience.

Well I'm sorry but _Danny DeVito_? Where the hell did that even come from? "_It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia _Danny DeVito?"

"Yes Jude! We are thinking of the same slightly midget Danny DeVito. So midget man or Usher?"

"Midget is a mean term. And just for that I pick Danny." I told him with a fierce pout. Darius from the '90's would want to give me a penis and testicles and shove in me right into Boyz Attack! I bet I would have replaced Bruno. He's sorta stupid. And that is some disgusting imagery. Yuck.

"Well excuse me Princess." He said with a flourish and stood up with a sweeping bow. I would totally behead them. "And I believe it's your turn."

"Hmm. Have you ever seen _Monster's Ball_?" His judgment could be severely impaired if he hand.

"No but I have seen _Monster's Balls _with Kyle and Spied and W-"

"Do not tell me what you do with SME when I'm not there.Halley Berry or Cat-Woman?" I watched him think about for a moment, his eyes squinting and his lips tightening to a thin line while he steepled the tips of his fingers.

"Cat-Woman." He said with confidence. Cue vomit here.

_Skeeve Tommy_: **2**

_Wholesome Tommy_: **1**

"Don't like my answer?" He asked.

I hate it. "Doesn't matter to me."

"Oh really?" He asked with his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open and his head over-nodding.

No. "Yes."

His eyes squared on me, he knew I was lying. DAMN IT!

"Me or Craig?" He asked in a serious whisper. I knew he was watching my every movement. I didn't even need a first thought. He knew it, I knew it but I wasn't admitting it.

"That's like me asking you to choose between me and-"

"Girl, I would pick you every time. I would pick you a thousand times. I will always pick you Jude." I looked at him for what felt like six days, my jaw hanging so low that I could have swallowed a fly and my brain running on overtime. That was enough to make me love him again. Really it is. We all know that I break easily when it comes to Tom.

Let me count, wouldn't that be fun? I haven't propositioned this before but, go ahead, marry my sarcasm. It loves you back.

_-Makes fun of my lyrics, my guitar playing **and **my singing. _**He takes me to a pier and gives me false allusions of a crush, and I'm making a fool of myself that night. **

_-Makes me change my song._ **He tells me about love and I'm like putty all over again.**

_-Makes out with Sadie on the damn family farm _(that was low) **…when _did _I forgive him for that? Whatever, it was forgotten within twenty minutes. **

_-Acts like an asshole about Shay and dating Shay and not dating Shay_. **He didn't even _try _to redeem himself. That talk about a first kiss pretty much made me love him all over again. Well in some deep recess I knew I loved him but Shay's fly moves really _were _too much for me. **

_-The Sweet-Sixteen debacle_. **That took me a while, but he brought me coffee for two weeks straight. Plus the whole dad thing was more important so I just let it go. _That_ was a mistake; I should have milked the damn thing till it bled. Ok gross… **

_-Tells me that he doesn't want to work on my second album_. **Didn't really redeem himself here either. I just made a fool of myself.**

_-Yells at me about Frozen. _**Ditto.**

_-Goes to frickin' Europe with Sadie without telling me_. **My real compensation from that was Tommy paying way more attention to me than Sadie those first few weeks. Seriously, am I the only one who noticed that? **

_-Calls me a diva._ **I deserved it, but it was still mean**

_-Makes a Babysitter's Club jab at Spied and I. _**I should have hit him in the face for that but I was too wrapped up with Spied. He got off easy. **

_-Generally an asshole to me about the Sadie thing. _**See above: _Calls me a Diva. _All aspects apply.**

_-Basically calls me a bitch about that little girl at the elementary school_. **Ditto.**

_-Hauls me into a men's bathroom, makes out with me, and then lectures me_. **He apologized and then we did it. That was enough redemption for anyone. **

_-Breaks up with me._ **Has yet to redeem himself. Except not, a few words and I love him again but all settlements have yet to be discussed. **

See what a weakling I am? It's slightly depressing.

Wait, what was going on before that whole tangent? Oh yeah, "_I would always pick you Jude"_ or something like that. I looked up at him as he stared back with a smile.

"Now you _can't_ pick _anyone_ but me." He said boastfully.

DAMN BASTARD!

Skeeve Tommy winds on forfeit from Wholesome Tommy. It's a sad day for the good guys in history.

I can't seem to stop going Carly Simon on myself as I muttered _You're so Vain _in my head I looked at him, scoffing out a few laughs before I could actually form words. I was so mad and shocked that they were really sputtered out but whatever.

"You are Un. Believe. Able."

"Ok Brandy. Stop watching _America's Got Talent_."

"Oh shut up, grow a pair of multi-colored wings and balanced some swords on your face."

"Don't you think it would hurt if they fell on me?"

"You never know until you try. If you need me to help you realize your dream of being a giant and flamboyant Russian gay man who balances knives off his chin, lemme know. I find sharpening blades fun."

"Whatever Jude."

"To quote Kelly Osborne-"

"Do not finish that sentence."

"_To quote Kelly Osborne_: 'I think you get off hearing yourself speak'." He sneered with an indignant laugh.

"_Me_? _I _get off hearing myself talk?" He nearly cried, overly-gesturing to himself.

God this is not a high school play, quit over-acting. I looked at him seriously for a moment.

"What's your name?"

"Are you eating glue or something?"

"Do you see any Elmer's around my face?" I watched him inspect my face as if he were going to find the remnants of paste in my teeth before he sat back.

"No, I don't. So that brings me to my next question. After working together for two years, why do you not know my name?"

"Well, I'm familiar with your alias but you have yet to share your _real _name with me." I pointed out to him. I watched him open his mouth, on the brink of telling me before he quickly closed his mouth and smiled at me coyly.

"You almost had me, Harrison." He said and swatted at my nose with his fingers. As I giggled lightly, and simultaneously felt horrified at myself, I heard a shout from downstairs.

"Is it all safe yet?" Sadie called as I saw her peeking form at the doors when I came downstairs.

"What does that mean?" Tommy called almost meanly.

When is he going to get ov- oh yeah, the _virtual blowjob _thing. I was lucky to get out before he asked me for that.

"It means we left you here so that you would shut the hell up and stop fighting so that living things could be around you two again without fearing for its life." Jamie said as he joined Sadie at the door.

"Ok what the fuck?" I demanded as Darius sidled up as he opened the second door.

"Say that again for Big D." He coaxed sarcastically. Grow a pair, you old bald man. I hate you. I hate all of them.

"Screw you." I muttered before flashing my middle finger to Sadie and Jamie and pushing past them angrily. Who does something like that!

That is so vindictive that even spiders are like 'woaw bitch, _that_ was mean'.

"You did this?" I heard Tommy demand at Darius. I took that Darius said yes when I heard Tommy's volume increase. "You locked us up? You left us here alone? On purpose?" I whirled my head around to see what Darius had to say. My anger boiled as he merely nodded his head smugly.

"I do not need _you _or _anyone_ else," I announced and flung an accusatory finger around me, knowing that everyone was listening. Even Pasty. "to decide how I should handle my relationships. And I should _never _be **forced** into a reconciliation!" I shouted.

"So it worked?"

"Shuddup Dancy Pants."

* * *

who feels like reviewing? I think I can hear that button calling. And think this time, it's alright to give into temptation lol.


	9. The Swiss Army Romance

You guys literally blow me away! It's incredible that you guys like this story so much, but I'm so glad that you do because this is so fun to write for me! I have a major slash pairing. Like major. But worry not, it's temporary. Temporary Instanity if you'd like. I really have to thank you guys who read and review, this story is so alive because you of you guys! Especially

**Tommy4eva **((I know exactly your pain. I just stubbed the hell out of my toe last night in the dark. It was my fault but I choose to blame the inanimate lamp. I'm so glad you love the story!))

**Tayna50801 **((I think Skid Mark is the best nickname ever. I praise whoever came up with it lol. I am so glad that you like the story!))

**tommys21 **((yes the characters are not all that sneaky, a thousand Super Instant Star points for you though! I would leave Liam behind everywhere and anywhere. Especially in a bear cave, but yes that accent…_oh the things it does_ lol.))

**Judeh05 **((I could definitely swing a Tim cookie instead lol. I was sitting at my computer, raking my brain for ways that Tommy can be an asshole and I came up with the you can't not pick me or whatever and I was like who would be talking about. Craig was the only logical one that she hadn't dated lol. Happy early birthday! I hurried with a post so that I wouldn't miss it! I hope you have a really really really good one, with lots of Tommy fun. Ok that was gross, so don't mind me lol.))

**Alexzgirl1 **((I have some hefty plans for this boyfriend issue. I'm almost glad that I wrote it now because before I was like _that was so stupid_. Tommy and Jude fighting has to be my favorite, except for when they're all _oh I love you _and whatnot because then I just have to melt and be in love with Tommy lol. I would always forgive Tommy, he could poke my eye out with scissors and I would absolutely forgive him. Well…maybe not. I don't want you to die! I posted, I posted! Teehee, I'm so glad you like it though!))

**Duddley111 **((Tommy and Jude have almost the worst tempers in life. I loved it when Jude pushed Tommy in the hot tub; it was a wonderful moment in my life lol.))

**Latisha C **((I think that all thoughts that passed through the brilliant mind of Chandler Bing and came out to the world should be scribed in stone. I love him, I just might marry him. Nah…I'll just watch his new show. Or the actor's or whatever. I miss Bill Maher, he seems to have lost his appeal now that _Politically Incorrect _got cancelled. I too have a small compartment in my brain for pop-culture. No I lied. It's all of my brain. It's all devoted to pop-culture and VH1 all the time. Non-stop. And I vaguely remember the _Would You Rather _with Ray and Lilly, I miss that show. But when I think about it, I think Instant Star replaced it, so in the end I can live without my RFR. But Travis was kinda hot in a weird _I'm-so-zen _way. Oh, I love your reviews! Please by all means continue on down the sugar high path. I'm glad you liked the chapter!))

**jackjackio **((virtual blowjob is a long standing stupidity from the guys in my grade that started a year ago. It's a sad attempt to get some action and as far as I know, it doesn't _actually _exist lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

**romanma32 **((lol, I have reached the brink of insanity and have fallen over, its not so bad but I posted any way teehee.))

**smileon **((lol, I think got that clay line from a movie or a line similar to it. I'm so glad you love it!))

**lolo87 **((I don't think, actually posed with the question with real consequences, any one would _really _choose Danny DeVito lol. It was in somewhat defense for his height lol.))

**lileigh760 **((I know! Perfect people are boring! AH snoozeville, ok I'm gonna stop acting like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen right now. I'm so glad you like the story so much!))

But enough of my blubber, I always wonder if people actually read these ridiculous author's notes that I post everytime. It's more of my needless rambling. Oh well, on with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 9_: The Swiss Army Romance_

I sat in the car fuming like an enormous rhinoceros from the zoo that are always breathing really hard. I wonder if they're ok…whatever. I'm not.

"Hey Jude."

"Fuck off."

"You've been saying that for the past hour and a half-"

"And I will continue to say it until we get back and I can get away from all of you. **And since when has it taken so damn long!**"

"Rush hour." Tommy said in a voice that I barely recognized.

"Did someone cut off your balls Tom?" I called without thinking. I felt the car swerve suddenly and before I could scream I saw Tommy's blazing eyes staring at me.

"What is your problem?" He growled out. It felt like the time I was eleven and I got yelled at for making Jamie eat Sadie's nail polish.

"**Come on Jamie do it. Eat it." **

**"But it smells _really _bad Jude." **

**"Come on, do it for me." I told him batting my eyelashes and copying Sadie's hair flip. I am so evil. But I watched gleefully as he raised the small, vibrantly pink bottle to his lips with a grimace. **

**"Do it." I antagonized in an excited whisper. He groaned deeply before turning it upside down in his mouth.**

_**Flash forward an hour…**_

"**Why would you do this Jude?" My mom tried to reason with me. I think she had been watching _Maury_ and didn't want to end up like the mothers that hooked with their daughters. The chances of me having sex with Maury are higher than me hooking with my mom. And the chances of me going horizontal with an old, ugly, generally _really _creepy man are none. Not slim to none. I will not do it. **

**"_He _is the one who wanted to know what it tastes like!" I lied.**

**"But honey, it's poison." **

**"Mrs. Harrison-" Jamie called but he got cut off by the mounting and sputtering bile and vomit that splashed from out his mouth and all over the kitchen floor. **

**Why wasn't he in a bathroom? He has no sense. I'm convinced that if he were left in Sadie's room all alone there would be no way for him to make it out alive. Seriously. Spied on the other hand…Anthony Michael Hall would be jealous of his bra stealing skill. **

**"Jude, honey, call Poison Control Center. I think we some help." My mom called from the kitchen where she was simultaneously trying to mop up the vomit and comfort a hysterically, cookie-tossing Jamie. Except I don't think he was tossing _cookies _more like _'Passion Fruit Punch Pink'_. **

"I was just wondering if there was a specific reason that you sounded like a soprano from the Vienna Boy's Choir." I said simply and pointed to the road and the growing volume of the blaring horns.

"I think you should go, Tom-Tom." I told him almost meanly. I really wasn't mad at him. I was pissed in general. Who does something like that?

"Jude. When we get back you are going into Studio C, all by yourself and if you do not write something worth-while I'll ban you from the studio again." Darius threatened.

Whatever, he just doesn't want to hear me bitch anymore. He turned around and looked at me seriously, as if expecting an answer. "I don't see the use in answering you, why don't you just lock me in there. But maybe this time you could force Hillary Duff in there too. Or the entire cast of _That's So Raven _if you really wanna make me scream." I bit out before turning back to the window.

"Hey Jude,"

"Fuck off."

I watched Tommy look back at me for a moment before swerving back into the lane and joining the flow of traffic again.

"Hey Kwest." Came a loud whisper.

Whatever, screw this. Tommy pulled off at an exit and had Darius switch places with Kwest, the two friends sitting in the front and inevitably gossiping like hens.

I hate them.

I would lean over and say something mean but I think it would just come out offensively obscene, and since I am maturing, I'll hold my tongue.

I won't actually hold my tongue, even though I used to when I was little and then when I wanted to say something I would try to talk while my fingers were still plastered against my tongue. Tommy suddenly leaned over and whispered something to Kwest, not even trying to hide the disdain in his face. I bet he's talking about Liam. But when I heard Kwest's Annie-Camden inspired gasp, I kinda had an inkling that it wasn't Liam. Unless Tommy finally confessed to their love affair, but he's too much of a coward and too attached to his heterosexuality to be a man.

Whatever.

But I was suddenly privy to a sight that Freud would have killed for, as human instinct kicked in and Kwest beckoned Wally to lean in with a crooked finger, obviously relaying the newest gossip. They are such girls; I think I will encourage them to grow a pair.

"Can't you guys go to a store where they sell hum-"

They weren't listening. Spied's enormously incredulous gasp filled the car. He mouth stretched wider than Liam's does on the weekend while his eyes engulfed his face like Little Red Riding Hood. God, he should be a cartoon or something.

No, actually, he's reminding me of that midget who was in love with Sabrina and his name was like Roland or something and he always called Harvey _Farm Boy _and so I would call Kyle _Milk Fed Farm Boy _because I'm funny like that. Except he used to get really mad when I would say that and it drove him to his first tattoo of a bull ring. I guess rebelling against the milk that comes from cows and his milk-fed-farm-boy-ness.

Again, I would have said something but he immediately leaned over to Wally and Kyle, thus further spreading the gossip. Jeez, Tommy knows exactly who to tell. Or maybe who _not _to tell, I don't know how he would see this.

I watched the infinite game of telephone that I was apparently not included in. So I sat, my back facing the window, and my scowl on display for everyone to see. I frowned more deeply each time someone looked at me with a gasp.

_Wally_

_Kyle_

_Portia_

_Craig_

_Jamie_

_**Pasty merely spat on her shoes when Jamie leaned over, not really caring so Jamie turned to his left**_

_E.J._

_**Darius let out a small chuckle**_

_Shay_

It all ended as Shay leaned over to Sadie, passing along the secret.

I am about to cut someone up.

And I hate to say this but Liam is my favorite person in this car right now. Well actually not, he didn't gasp over look over at me, but I swear to God, I heard him mutter _slut _under his breath. Like he can even talk, even Hugh Hefner wonders how his penis possibly stays on from day to day. Liam and his nastiness aren't even a blip on my radar anymore. He can go sexy time himself.

My thoughts of Liam were cut sadly cut short when Sadie let out a shrill cry and gripped my arm like a ninja.

"Sadie let go with your death gr-"

"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"

**Someone is going to die.**

"You told?" I screamed at his incredulously and snaked my hands around the driver's headrest and wrapped my hands firmly around his throat. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am going to kill Thomas Quincy. And I think his epitaph should read '_Couldn't keep his mouth shut. A lesson for all those who cross Jude Harrison_.' And I am not even kidding right now.

"Like it's _The Swiss Army Romance_."

"I am going to pretend that you did not just reference Dashboard Confessional, because if I recall correctly you told me and my 'confessions on a dashboard' to go to hell. And Madonna's album is called _Confessions on a Dance Floor_ you son of a bitch!" I screamed with escalating volume, still trying to pry every breath from his lungs.

"Jude, let go of me."

"NO!"

"Jude let go of him!"

"NO!"

"Miss, could you please remove your hands from the driver's neck?"

What the fuck was that?

Why is the car stopped?

Why is there a mountee looking at me?

Why is everyone looking at me?

Why didn't I notice all of this? I looked down to my lap, shamefully, and slithered my hands back to my sides. I felt like it was third grade, the first time I ever had a crush on Spiederman so I would color on Jamie's glasses with permanent marker and tell him to punch walls because he would look cool and consequently got in trouble _all _the time, all over again.

I pressed my head to the glass to look at the officer, gauging if Sadie could seduce him out of a ticket or not, and I was suddenly smacked in the face with Tony Danza's twin.

Not the freaky Tony Danza with his own show and skates around Manhattan on roller blades and falls on his ass, the _Who's The Boss _Tony Danza. The Tony with some shreds of dignity and would never do a rap/tap dance all about the wonders of Italy and the Italian people. Did he do that at the Grammy's or was it at the _Tony's_? The coincidence would just annihilate my ass if it had been the Tony's.

Didn't Hugh Jackman receive a Tony? I don't really care about any Hugh Jackman except for the one in _X-Men_ and _Kate and Leopold._ I would marry that man, really. Well not really, he's like fifty or whatever. But I would at least _consider_ marrying him.

Where was I going with this? …

"Sorry officer." I mumbled to myself and tried to dip my shamed gaze ever lower.

"Sir, were you aware that you…" I tuned all of it out and stared blankly at the back of Tommy's head while he nodded and buttered up the officer. I think he offered Sadie to take her top off, but maybe that was my imagination.

_Half an hour later…_

"Do you love him?"

"Leave me alone Sadie." I warned, but she didn't listen. I would be shocked…but I'm not. It's Sadie, 'nuff said. And yes, I did just say _'nuff _because that is the kind of duress I am under right now.

Do I love my imaginary boyfriend?

Do I see our imaginary relationship going anywhere?

Is my imaginary boyfrined a good kisser?

Does my imaginary boyfriend have a brother?

Well she didn't include _imaginary _because she doesn't know that he's not real. Only I know that.

All questions I had to answer while everyone in the entire damn car was perking their ears and especially Tommy, who I could see boring his eyes into me from the rear-view mirror.

"Do you love him?" She persisted.

I felt Tommy push himself farther into his seat and crushing my knees.

"Leave it Sadie." I growled again.

"Do. You. Love. Him?"

She asked again, Tommy clearing his throat and shifting in his seat audibly. God, does he have to pee or something?

"Stop. Talking. To. Me."

"Do you love him?" Spied screamed at me from across the car.

"YES!" I cried, silencing them.

Kwest gasped and hit Tommy in the arm, who in turn looked back at him throwing daggers.

Daggers that were on frickin' fire.

Daggers that would make that guy from _Hell's Kitchen _piss his pants.

Tommy merely grunted in response as the car lurched from under us while even the speedometer was like 'Dude, slow the hell down'. It was deathly silent.

Seriously, someone could die peacefully in the silence that rested over the car.

Well not peacefully, since the tension was so damn palpable I thought I was going to have to jump out the car. Tommy continued to cut people off in other lanes, left and right; the only solace in the silence was their deafeningly blaring horns.

"_How much_ do you love him?" Tommy croaked on a giant heave. I merely looked out the window, refusing to look at anyone, refusing to speak to anyone.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

_Back at the studio…_

"I don't think it's anyone but the driver's fault!" Portia Mills screamed in the middle of the parking lot, swinging her last season Birkin bag in Tommy Quincy's face.

"She was chocking me!" He protested loudly, still fuming over Jude's pronouncement, but not letting on.

"Do you think you can call yourself Tom yet?" At his puzzled look, she elaborated not taking notice to surrounding company. "Yea whatever, I know you're trying to feel younger so that you aren't constantly reminded that you're pushing 25 and in love with a frickin' 17 year old, but there are other ways! I suggest Rogain!"

"I am not balding Portia." He growled at her, but patted a concerned hand over the top of his hair self-consciously. "Whatever you have to tell yourself before you fall asleep at night and dream about Jude." She countered meanly as Spied held the door for her. She mumbled a small _thanks _to him before pushing her way past and waiting with a tapping foot for Tommy to come through the doors too.

"Need a cane grandpa?" She called out tauntingly, growing more agitated.

"Shut up Portia." He snarled before stomping past her. He didn't need her breathing down his neck about getting a ticket when every thing else in his head was jumbled beyond belief.

"You are… _infuriating_!"

"Spell infuriating!" He spat back before slamming the door to his office.

They weren't even together and Jude still had walking around as confused as Jamie was a year ago. After a moment of thought, Tommy realized that Jamie probably was still _as _confused as he had been but he hid the Trekie inside. He flung himself in the plush chair that sat behind his desk, letting the wheels roll back violently before pushing his palms to the desk and pulling himself forward again. With his head in his hands like a wounded puppy, he tried to organize his cluttering thoughts.

They all had a single, common denominator: _Jude. _And no matter what he did, where he went, who he was with it was _always _Jude. He asked himself endless questions, never knowing the answers and frustrating himself further.

Who was she with?

What was she thinking?

Who was her inspiration?

Who she was laughing with?

What was she smiling at?

Did she regret being with him?

Did she really want to end things?

Was she really already over him, when he couldn't seem to even get past her?

Another viciously unanswered question added itself to his list, repeating and pounding in his thoughts until Tommy thought he was going to vomit: _Who was her boyfriend?_

* * *

I feel dirty.

This is so bad.

This is a last resort.

What was that stupid-ass saying…_Desperate measures call for desperate times _or something stupid like that.

Whatever.

I lurked through the studios, everyone avoiding me, as I found my prey grill his grill with a toothpick. Ew. _Pssst, _I hissed out, trying to draw only his attention. There was barely ever a moment that I could find him alone, without the damn possy or his homies or whatever the hell they are, and I was taking full advantage of it. He looked up at me, his bottom lip jutting out like it always had as he smiled nicely.

"Hey." He greeted and moved his feet for me to join him. I perched myself on the couch, wringing my hands nervously feeling the sweat slick off of them and on to fabric of the couch. I didn't know why I was nervous.

"Do you think you could…do me a _favor_?" I started, finally looking up at him too see him nodding. God, he is so stupid. "It sounds _crazy,_" I continued and smacked a palm to my forehead lightly before going on "but you could…um, pretend to be my uh, _boyfriend_?" I asked, finishing in a whisper.

"Your what?" He asked, his voice trailing up into a falsetto.

"My, uh, boyfriend." I clarified. I looked up at him, ready to get on my knees and beg. Strictly begging.

"Would this have something to do with Tommy?" He asked on a laugh.

"Maybe." I said, trying to run around the subject. "Yes." I confessed as thundering footsteps rang through the building.

I looked up to see an angry form approaching us.

"Oh shit." I muttered and before I knew what I was doing I had grabbed him and pressed my lips to his mouth, crushing my teeth painfully against my gums.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

This is not happening.

This is not T-Bone.

This is Tommy.

OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT T-BONE!

I AM NOT KISSING T-BONE!

THIS IS JAMES FRANCO!

THIS IS NOT T-BONE!

Just as I felt like I was going to spew all over myself I felt him being yanked away from me forcefully as Tommy's red and angry face came into focus. Shit is hitting the fan. It is _so _hitting the fan.

"_Him_? T-Bone? T-Bone is your secret boyfriend?" He asked with a sneer full of disdain that Sadie couldn't even muster. I was horrified myself.

The man is stupider than a large bag of bricks. And he's slobbery. He reminds me of a dog. But he was my last resort. _Great Escape _anyone?

"He…gets me." I sputtered lamely but projecting out my chin boastfully all the same.

"**T-BONE**?" He demanded again, but didn't wait for an answer as he pounded his fist into the bulky man's face. Fuck, what did I do?

"TOMMY!" I shrieked. This needs to stop. T-Bone could eat Tommy.

This is _so _**bad** and _so _**my fault**.


	10. Punches

You guys completely blow me away! I am so glad you liked the last chapter so much, and I was in a bantering mood when I wrote the chapter, so its full of Jommy quips and such. Hmmm, I'm trying to think if there are any other notes about the chapter, since it took me so long to get out. I knew exactly what I wanted to write and I even had some of the conversations in my head but actually writing it...different story lol. Well before I delve into the chapter, I have to thank

**smileon** ((Ah, I'm so glad you liked the chapter! I love to hear favorite parts becuase usually they were my favorite parts to write! I tihnk in a battle to the death between T-Bone and Tommy, there would be no smackdown. lol))

**Tanya50801 **((I'm so glad you liked it!))

**lileigh760 **((lol, it was a shocker, but I'm so glad you liked it!I miss T-Bone, I hope he comes back lol.))

**romanma32 **((lol, I could see myself as the master of cruel and unusual punishment...or would it be mistress? I'm pretty sure that Jamie was emotionally manipulated by Jude, his whole damn life. I think it was the tattoo thing that tipped me off, plus I did that to one of my friends a few years ago lol. I'm glad you liked the whole Tommy-Jude-T-Bone thing, it was something I never thought I would ever write. I'm glad you read the author notes, I was really never sure if anyone did lol.))

**Judeh05 **((I love birthdays, I love to make them as fun as possible! I seriously considered Craig, he would make Tommy even more jealous because I don't think Jude would be so repulsed to kiss him but I was like 'no he can't do that to Portia' and he's already cheating on Manny in retrospect and I didn't want to use any SME boys because I love them too much and I was left with Shay or someone completely different. And Shay thoughts led me to T-Bone and I couldn't not lol. But a Sadie set up would be more than hilarious! And I posted as soon as I could because I would hate to cause any deaths lol))

**Varley990 **((Aw, you make me blush! I am so glad you like my fics so much! I think if the gang got stranded on an island, Tommy might be the first one eaten, he looks so edible. lol, that was weird but strangely true lol))

**Shattered Images **((I am so exstatic that you like the fic so much! I love writing it, so it's wonderful to hear that people enjoy reading it! I hope you like this chapter just as much!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((I really think Jude probably scores lower on the intelligence scale, in this fic and on the show. She definitely shouldn't have sold her contract and that drunk thing was really dumb. But I love her anyway lol, and in this fic...oh my God. She's insane. Yeah the whole loving T-Bone...not so much lol. I could love T-Bone...maybe. Unless he does kill Tommy and then yes, the funeral would be back on and that would be so sad. And if I had to burry you with Tommy, well that might not be so bad. As long as he was alive too, hehe. That might be fun actually. I think Jude will have to forgive Tommy some time, like outwardly because inwardly she already has. She was only mad at him for a little while. This chapter is longer than the other so I hope I can stall the whole finding a life thing. I think that right now Instant Star is basically my life lol.))

**scott4eva **((I'm so glad you liked it! I love laughing in hee hee's. They makes me happy, hee hee.))

**Latisha C **((Oh no! You have to know T-Bone. I'll give you the run down, he's from season 1. Part of Shay's possy, he asked Jude on a date for Shay and then broke the number one rule of the world to her at that dance they went to. It was sad and Jude cried lol. I love T-Bone, he's like a large teddy bear, except for the whole Shay thing. Well actually, Shay grew on me ever after the whole Sweet Sixteen debacle, I could forgive him because he's hot lol. Jamie really needs to grow a spine. Pasty probably coerces him into...dirty things. Oh bad thoughts! I thin I would hurt myself if I were stuck with the cast of _That's So Raven_, especially if they were all in character. I would saw my hand off to leave. I don't know why that would allow my exit but I would do it. I really think that the whole G-Major gang is like a bunch of bored teenagers, looking for amusement. Well half of them are, and the rest of them are old and feed off the drama. Especially Tommy and Kwest, they're addicted. I think Portia is probably the most intelligent of the group...sometimes. Other times she kindabitch, like the whole Sadie and Tommy thing. I hated them together but Sadie was mean and it was Portia's fault. ok this is really long, but I'm glad you liked the chapter!))

**Duddley111 **((Jude was my idol when she pushed him lol. I probably already said that but I have a selective memory. I'm so glad you liked the chapter though!))

Ok, finally down to bussiness. Here's chapter 10. Wow, already chapter 10. That's insane, but I'm so glad to have you guys with me on the ride!

* * *

Chapter 10: _Punches_

Television has led me astray. Whenever two guys fight and a girl jumps on one of their backs, they stop. I merely got elbowed in the face. And it hurts like a bitch. I have been in so much pain lately, but whatever. Tommy went all Mike Tyson on T-Bone's ass, who didn't get why Tommy was wailing on his and just stood there for a few seconds before becoming the enraged bear that I knew he was kidding under his teddy bear exterior.

Then someone's tooth fell on the ground and I screamed louder until Darius finally came. So I am sitting in his office, nursing my newly reddened cheek and Darius is inspecting Tommy and T-Bone's mouths, looking for missing teeth. I think it's pretty safe to say that the tooth is Tommy's because Shay demanded that everyone in his possy ice out their teeth, even his dogs. And the tooth is bloody not _diamondy._

It took him like twenty frickin' minutes to figure it out and then Darius finally sat down in his majestic chair with a loud sigh. Does someone need a spiritual recharge? I recommend he goes to the Dojo and stays there forever. He peered at me over his hands, almost accusingly.

THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!

"Any thing to say about this mess Jude?" Darius asked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in exhaustion.

I should get him some Ambien, and if he sleep walks and sleep eats and gets fat…that's just an added bonus. Fat Darius…chilling. Cue shudder here. I looked up innocently, plastering a smile across my face. If it had been anyone but T-Bone, I would reach out and pat his arm lovingly…but it's still T-Bone no matter how many times I try to forget it.

"Oy with the poodles already."

"Excuse me?" He asked while Tommy's snort filled the air. I shot him a look before repeating myself.

"Oy with the poodles already."

"Jude." He sighed and reprimanded at the same time.

I think he is the one man who can chastise and be exhausted at the same time. Except for Charlie Brown's teacher, she always seemed to tired and worn out to me.

"What? I didn't have anything to do with this!" I shouted at him, my hands flying in angry gestures. I was a second away from reveling my bird to Darius.

"Are you blind?" He shouted back, spit flying everywhere. God, get a muzzle or something.

"No damn it! _Stars Are Blind_!"

"Are you ok?" Tommy interjected worriedly. Of course I'm not ok if I'm talking about anything Paris Hilton, in jest or not.

"NO! Do I sound ok?"

"Well…" He started warily. Damn right he should be wary, I am furious.

"Shut the hell up Quincy. You don't get to say anything! Are you completely brainless? Why would you hit him like that?" I screamed, raising my body to match the decibels of my voice. I stared at him, jabbing my fingers toward T-Bone, who was twiddling his thumbs like an asshole, while my whole body heaved with anger.

Tommy opened his mouth, small high-pitched grunts following. I was about to scream again when Darius cut me off. Stupid son of a bitch. And jeez, I am swearing a lot. It's sad. I'm turning into a less Latin version of John Leguizamo. I loved his before, now he is on the mess that has become _ER, _I watch it for Dr. Kovac now, there is no other reason.

"Can you guys just go and record that damn Christmas song and be cheery for one day?" Darius screamed.

_Punches._

That is all I can think of.

_Punches._

I really want to hit him right now. If I hear one more joke on TV about people demanding that other people be cheery while they yell and scream I will rip all the hair out of my frickin' head. And feed it to something.

"What song?"

"I am not going over this again Jude. Go with Tommy. No _ifs ands _or _buts _about it."

"What about Queen Latifa's butt? Could I auction that for a get out of jail free card."

"You are a damn Canadian! Stop talking about American made games."

"You are not a pregnant woman! Stop snapping at me like you are! Unless you are prepared to give an explanation for that growing bump!" I screamed back with just as much force. I could take him. I really could.

"Jude, I think we'd better go." Tommy coaxed and ushered me out with his hand on the small of my back.

"Any reason you felt like baiting Darius? That will only get you on the naughty list."

"Any reason you feel like making nauseating innuendos? That will only make me laugh at you more when you're not around."

"You laugh at me when I'm not around."

"Not all the time. Just with Kwest. And Wally. And Kyle. And Shay. And Spied. And Jamie. And my sister. The last four really have some vendettas for you Tom-Tom. By the way can I call you Tom-Tom?"

"I would love it if you didn't."

"Why bad experience with a nanny? Did she call you Tom-Tom while you hit it? Did your parents walk in?"

"What can I say? _I Constantly Thank God for Esteban_."

"Oh _Esteban_? Got a thing for Latin men? I heard Ricky Martin gets his bat up for fellow washed-out heartthrobs. And pictures of himself…and all men in general."

"I'll have to give him a call." I shot him a face. Why is he not reacting damn it?

"Back to the Tom-Tom thing," I started with my Dr. Phil voice while I clasped my thumb and forefinger together and slashed them through the air for emphasis before resting my chin in my palm thoughtfully, "is that was Chaz called out while you two were alone on the Boyz Attack bus? Or was it more of a male orgy thing with you guys."

"Hmm, I would say both."

Fuck it, I'm going all out.

"Then why did Portia file the divorce under _irreconcilable differences_? Don't you guys just share an irreconcilable _similarity_?"

"What do you mean?"

"You like the taste of co-"

"Jude, stop." He said frantically, pointing behind him. Whatever, loser. With a capital L. Loser.

"-cks in your mouth?"

"What are you talking about?" A voice demanded from behind.

"Go away Liam. You love it too."

Oh shit, I said that out loud.

"What was that Ms. Harrison?"

"It was my mistake. Sorry."

"Well if that was all it was…Darius wants you guys working on the Christmas carol right now."

"I haven't even chosen a damn carol yet!"

"Then I think it would be wise to choose one."

"I think it would be wise to shove a rod up your anus. Oh wait…already done! Can I suggest a sharp _spork_?"

"What is a _spork_?"

"A cross between a spoon and a fork. Do you like to fork it Liam?" I asked with innocent curiosity as I spun myself around to look at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." Tommy cut in. Why is he so antsy?

"We'll get right on it." Liam gave us a demeaning look that made me want to pelt him with flaming darts before he turned on his heel and left the studio, slamming the door behind him.

What a baby. And so is Tommy. I turned to him with a disbelieving look.

"Grow a pair."

"Loose a pair."

"Fuck a goat."

"Stop watching Steve Carell movies."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Don't tell _me_ what to do."

"Get stuffed."

"Get picking."

"What?"

"Pick a damn carol so we can record."

"Fine." He looked at me seriously for a moment before slumping back in his chair thoughtfully.

"So…T-Bone, eh?"

"Don't push it Tommy. I'm still pissed, when are you going to see that?" He sighed a throaty sigh, hitching in his throat like a propeller before flying out and shooting minuscule spit at me. It was tiny but it was there. Yuck.

"When are you going to stop treating me like crap?" He suddenly burst out, taking me by surprise. Well, well, well. Tommy doesn't like to be treated like shit? How surprising. Please engage in conversational intercourse with my sarcasm, he's such a smooth talker.

"Crap is a relative term, _Quince_." I told him dryly, letting his last name slip through my teeth meanly. Well not his _real _last name. But a form of his last name. Whatever.

"Jude, you're not even giving me a chance."

"Au contraire mon ami. I gave you many chances. You blew them faster than an easily excited sailor." Wow, that was graphic.

I think this a milestone. I have touched on all levels of sex with Tommy, gay, oral, anal and otherwise. I bet if I were Howard Stern that company would shut me down and I would have to get a deal with Sirius radio. That wouldn't be fun because I was watching Howard Stern on E! once and they had these stripping midgets and it was not fun to watch. Especially with my dad, I didn't understand why he wouldn't just go away. Or go to sleep. Or find the damn remote!

"That isn't true."

"Would like to bet me?"

"Yea, how about that."

"I bet you a bazillion dollars in Airheads that I gave you more than your fair share of chances."

"Can we bet with something realistic?"

"Like what?"

"A date. Give me today; no bias no obscene references to my sexuality or promiscuousness. And if I pass, I'll take you out. If I blow it like an enthused sailor then I'll leave you alone."

"You are worse than Nelly Furtado, but what the hell. I'm in a betting kind of mood. I just saw a House re-run and he was at the horse tracks." "When the hell do you have time to watch House re-runs? We were locked up for-"

"Like 5 hours. And I watched it a few nights ago. I have a life Quincy. I'm not a work-a-holic." I said, zipping my lips before I let another crack slide.

"Just shake on it with me." I am going to think about this for a quick moment…How is this going to work? How can one blow one's proverbial _last chance_? It is so perplexing that I can't seem to stop myself from referring to Tommy as _one_.

As in _one entity _or _one person_. Whatever. I have a feeling to a bottle of wine, plush carpeting and a perfected amount of _suckage _will not do the trick to blow this chance. Even though I don't think there is anything in this world that would persuade Tommy onto his knees, and possibly hands if it were really kinky, in front of another man. Add a _wo _in front of that _man_, and then I think he would be more willing.

"What does this deal really entail oh masterful one. And don't expect me to spit if I shake on it."

"_When_ you shake on it."

"_If_ I shake on it."

His smile faltered for a moment before he sidled up to me. "We could seal it with a kiss."

"And then T-Bone could skin you alive and eat your vital organs for a Tasty Tommy Snack." He grumbled incoherently, wringing his fists, before looking up again. I think he was going to change the subject but I'm not sure.

"Why don't we start from the ground up?"

Awkward avoidance for a thousand, Alex. What is my obsession with Jeopardy anyway? I think I would have a better chance at Wheel of Fortune. Except Pat Sajak scares the shit out of me, and Sadie was Vanna White for Halloween one year, so whatever.

"Well I don't know if that's such a great place for _us _to start. We have a shakier foundation than Lewis Black's vision. Do you _remember _the first time we met?"

"Girl, I won't ever forget it."

"Aw, normally I would melt on the spot if that romantic tone weren't such a liar. It would be convincing if you hadn't bitched me out that first day."

"If I recall correctly-"

"I wouldn't trust that thinker of yours. You're getting up there, old man. I mean even Uncle Jesse is like 'Woaw sporto, don't you wanna retire that leather jacket?' And I know that Uncle Jesse is your hair guru." Wow, he actually let me finish that. I expected him to cut me off before my brain even formulated that whole Uncle Jesse thing.

"_If I recall correctly_" he started again in dignified airs that Simon Cowell would giggle, "you were not the ray of sunshine you might think you were."

"_Me_? Little ole wide-eyed-golly-gosh-innocence, 15 year old _me_? Impossible." I swore.

Ok, even I have to laugh at that. I have a long way to go to make up for that sea of tears I seemed to cry every damn day. I would have bitch-slapped me long ago.

"As you like Miss Harrison."

"It's _Princess Jude_ now. My title got bumped up when I married royal."

"William or Harry?"

"Charles of course."

"Ah of course. Please excuse my further ignorance your Highness, but what happened to Camilla?"

"She morphed into his mother while they were having sex so he came crawling back to me. Quite simple."

Hmmm, funny how I forgive Prince Charles universe so easily in my parallel and I put Tommy through the wringer. Whatever, it's fun. And that's the limit of thought I allow myself about this Tommy thing.

"So I see. How long with the royal courtship."

"Virtually non-existent. He insisted on whisking me away immediately."

"Which explains the lack of invitation I received. Or didn't receive…"

"Well of course. We had to keep attendance to a minimum. Minimize press. 500 guests for each of us. But don't worry, you were my 501."

"All is well then, I assume, my good lady."

"Yes, yes. Anon humble jester, anon with the bet already."

"Oh yeah," he said, freeing his strained voice as I puffed out a breath and slouched again, "let me see…you give me the rest of today in good graces. If I pass,"

"We go out."

"if I don't pass,"

"You leave me in peace and strip to the Macarena at the Ball." I watched his jaw slack as his eyebrows raised before his snapped his mouth closed on an amused grin.

"I leave you alone and strip to the Macarena at the Yule Ball." He repeated.

"Could we make it The Tootsie Roll? It seems more appropriate."

"Princess" He ground out with feigned sternness and a small smile tugging and twitching at the corners of his lips. I could jump him. I would do it and not think twice.

"Oh alright." I huffed as if it were a huge deal. "_Eh Macarena!_ Have I told you about my theory that the Macarena is really Canadian and we should make more maple syrup commercials and the little bottles could dance to the song?"

He gave me a look that told me I hadn't and that he was glad I hadn't, even though I had just given him the basic rundown. "But one last thing. How do I bestow thee with a genuinely fair chance?"

That was actually a legitimate question. I should get a parade or something. But I was answered with Tom's coy grin as he shrugged his shoulders lightly. I was about to press the issue further when his chair suddenly glided right in front of me, his face inches from mine. His hand crawled discreetly up my legs, tickling me even through the thick fabric of my jeans, as I gulped loudly like Kermit the frog when Miss Piggy tries to cop a feel or seduce him. I never pulled myself to tear my gaze from his staring pools of blue and _oh my God_, I sound like a sapped up fishing commercial.

"I hope T-Bone won't mind if I borrow his girl." He whispered while his hand moved up to cup my cheek as his fingers stretched a few centimeters and tousled a blonde lock that had fallen in front of my eyes. I had a feeling that T-Bone wouldn't mind at all.

I let the breath I was holding out to circulate in the air as he pushed himself away, towards the soundboard. The wheels squeaked lightly as he pressed and fiddled with various knobs before a blasting riff pounded from the speakers and literally shook the ground. How did he do that? I mean make the soundboard manipulate the stereo system in the studio.

AV Geek anyone?

I can see dorky ass Tommy feeding porn into an old projector in his high school's AV room. I caught Jamie once. It was disturbing. I guess I should probably inform the _Geek Squad _about Tommy the Nerd and his technological aptness. Then he could have a special agent name and a badge and drive a buggy.

Like Sadie!

Oh the endless mocking…

"What is this?" I screamed over the deafening lead guitar.

"SME's take on _Oh Holy Night_." He shouted back as he shrugged his shoulders and waved his hand in the air, as if to say _comme-si comme-ça _since he speaks French and whatnot.

"A little rough around the edges" he continued, "but I can work with them." He finished. That sounded vaguely familiar…didn't he use that same line on Georgia. That's a little disheartening, he can't think of even a little variation for me?

Poor Tommy, I knew he puffed away all his brain cells.

Suddenly Kyle's cymbals crashed harshly and loudly as Wally's thumping bass willed stridently against Spied's piercing vocals. Poor Spied, he has that raspy voice that's nice for everything but screaming and trying to drown out other noises. I bet it could be sexy. But it wasn't. It hurt me.

"_Oh hear the angels' voices. Oh **night**," _Wally and Kyle crooned back up, repeating _night _as Spied attempted to pursue the end of the chorus. Whitney Houston will not be shaking in her boots. Ok, she might be shaking, but it's probably because of the massive amounts of drugs in her system…or the withdrawal. Well whatever it is, it's not because of Spied's um…_tremendous_ vocal range. That has my ears seriously begging for some relief from the gushing bleeding. I looked over at Tommy, knowing a grimace was crawling over my features as he merely chuckled and then turned the volume up more.

More!

_More_ of **this**?

I swear he is a masochist. Which makes me think that he and Pasty would be a wonderful couple…I am banishing those dirty thoughts now.

I swear, he says one thing and I can't stop repeating it. To myself and to other people. I think I told Jamie to banish his dirty thoughts a few days ago, in front of Nana and she flipped out and wouldn't let him watch _The Office _with me. I'm still apologizing for that, I have a feeling the sock puppets made another appearance. Damn Tommy.

"_Oh, oh night! When Christ was born._" Spied continued on with his massive hearing trauma of 2006.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our communal ability to hear. There are truly only 4 senses left for us. Well 5 for you freaks who can see dead people. But whatever, screw you bitches. Sorry. But what if the Reverend Camden was actually like that. He would be hated by all of Glen Oaks and Assica Simpson, but it wouldn't matter because I would love him. What can I say, that wedge of baldness is just so enticing.

My ears suddenly rang and pulsated painfully as the music abruptly stopped streaming through the speakers. "Hey we were just getting to the good part." I called a little too loudly, trying to acclimate to the new silence, as I spun around to face Tommy who had swiveled towards the door.

Liam the Whore suddenly appeared with a fat ass binder in his hands. I guess he's up for more abuse. "What's in the binder? Potential lady friends?" I asked.

Why do people let me say stuff like that? I should have been fired ages ago, but whatever.

"List of jolly old carols. Darius' hand picks."

"I have to sing _all_ of them." The two executives stared at me for a moment in silence, which was broken by Tommy's snort and Liam's small mutterings of _stupid girl._

"Hey I-"

"She's not stupid, Liam."

Tommy growled with his gaze locked with Liam's. Woaw, talk about intense. And talk about chivalry. I melted a little bit in my seat, but Liam ruined it again. I want to punch him so hard that he can't tell his penis for a hole in the ground.

"No Jude. Pick one of them."

"Oh." Well that's easier.

"And Mr. Bone would like to see you outside."

"Oh." I said again and moved to get up, but I stopped at Tommy's interjection.

"No."

"Excuse me, Mr. Quincy?"

"No, she needs to stay here. With me. We need to find a carol."

"It'll just take a minute." I told him and walked towards the door.

"Mr. Quincy, I think we need to have a talk."

"Aw, a man-to-man. Who needs to know about the birds and bees here?" I asked, pushing my fingers between Tommy and Liam in the air.

"Go Miss Harrison." Liam said and I finally relented and walked out into the lobby to see T-Bone standing near Darius' door.

"Hey. I just wanna say sorry about before. I didn't know he would even react."

"Nah, no sweat. I had a feeling he would."

What? "What do you mean?" T-Bone merely chuckled knowingly.

It worries me that T-Bone knows something I don't. I think the extent of his high knowledge over me should stop at Shay's rating of his groupies/girlfriends. I have yet to find out my score. I think T-Bone is like D.J. Jazzy Jeff to Shay's Will. Hahaha, that was fun to say.

"Darius wants Shay to take you to the Yule Ball, shorty."

"There is not a shot in hell."

"Ok, then you can go with me. He thinks we're actually a couple." He told me wit a cheeky smile as he offered me a crooked elbow. Should I pretend not to see it? No, that would be mean.

I laid a soft hand on his massive tricep or whatever the hell it is. There's a reason I hate school. "I could make dat happen for you." He told me with another pert smile. He is not going to get any at this rate. Well he never really going to get any. He knows it.

"Don't push it T-Bone." I laughed out as he dropped his arms and my hand fell back to my side. "And fine. I'll go with you." I said forlornly, subconsciously letting my head fall back to watch Tommy in the studio. I guess I really wanted to spend the night with him, no matter what I said to the contrary. I turned back to see him smiling.

"Wanna make him real jealous?" He asked as if we were co-conspirators on a mission to…take Tom Cruise down. It been a while since I visited my old pal Tom. But after War of the Worlds, I kinda wanna stay the hell away from him and Dakota Fanning. I'm pretty sure that is illegal in every corner of the world. Dakota could take such advantage of Tom, it would be sad.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked in a similar tone. Screwing with Tommy is the most fun recreation I can think of. What is wrong with those soccer kids? And I know his fight with T-Bone was only the tip of the iceberg.

One time he duked it out with Lance Bass over a girl back on the nineties boy-band scene. I love the 90's Part Deux anyone? Portia told me the story once. Apparently it was like a Paris/Shannon kinda fight. Only less catty and more bloody.

Started at a bar with an ex/current girlfriend and then shit got ugly. (_J.P. just makes things ugly to begin with. He had no bussiness in a boy band. He looked like a thinner version of frickin' Lou Pearlman but whatever_).

And bruised (_Drew Lachey got kicked in the stomach_).

And broken (_J.C. Chasez or whatever the fuck his name is, got punched in his face. Hence the crooked nose_).

And hospitalized (_Bruno got a bear bottle smashed over his head. That's why Bruno no thunk so great no more_).

And stitched (_A.J.: four stitches, Brian: eleven stitches, Kevin: nine stitches, roughing up the Backstreet Boys, priceless_).

And shit may have even gotten amputated. (_Portia told me that's why Joey got fat. Well he was jealous of Justin and Britney to begin with, so he drowned his sorrows in Ben and Jerry's Phish Food for weeks on end and then his body had to recover from the anti-biotics. Joey Fat-One just stuck_).

"Leave it to me shorty." He told me cryptically.

Does T-Bone even know how to think?


	11. London Calling

You guys are beyond amazing. You are uh-mazing. Yes you guys are so awesome that I feel the need to speak like I work at Caveman Days. I have to thank

**tommys21 **((Who can't love T-Bone. He's like a Teddy bear, minus the whole being friends with Shay thing.))

**lolo87 **((Aw! I'm so glad!))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you like it!))

**smileon **((I'm glad to be able to brighten up some days, I feel like I'm not a total waste to humanity lol. I think I would be deathly afraid of a fat Darius because he's already intimidating but with lots of grith piled ontop? I would run scared lol.))

**pixiestix16 **((Tommy has surpassed the need to ever be wholesome he is so gorgeous that his words have no meanig to me because I merely look at him. He could be calling my dog ugly or me stupid and I'd be like 'I love you' heehee. Eating glue, not opening mouth, not eating anything at all...that seems like my days of kindergarten and a few scattered across seventh grade. kidding...sorta. lol, I can see just about all of SME just eating glue. I'm always supposed to be in bed, well at least whenever I'm on these sites because I run to the cimputer when I think of something and then I just don't get up and then I'm trying to post and it's like 2 in the morning. Its a wonderfully vicious cycle. If Jamie the Second was hot, he and Jude would probably be great together and if he's totally gorgeous then Tommy can be extra jealous which is a wonderful fact of life. There is no universe where I don't constantly want to make out with Tim at every second and Kwest can be pretty hunk-tastic,I really didn'tmind his beard as much aseveryone else seeemed to but I'm glad it's gone.And I always want to throttle Paris and Cheyenne is on my list. She's a fake-nasty Jude and she whines constantly on her show and I have to turn it off to make my ears stop bleeding. Tantrums are fun for everyone involved they just are))

**Tayna50801 **((I'm so so glad you like it!))

**Judeh05 **((birthdays are basically the most fun times in the world lol. I never liked Craig and Ashley together because she was really irritating and then I was like 'yay canny is back' and now they just bother me. I kinda liked that flirtation between Craig and Ellie, they would be cute. I haven't listened to Paris' single yet but a few friends have shed their opinion on it lol. I got a guitar for my birthday after I demanded it and now it sits in my basement. I was actually going to take lessons so I put it in my car but it didn't fit because I could never see out of the back windshield. It's collecting copius amouts of dust right now lol. I think you guys should be in the audience at the Yule Ball anyway, because really who doesn't want to see Tommy getting jiggy with it? Well I don't know if I want to see his move being busted but I would totally dance with him. Without a second thought. And then demand marriage lol. And then we could seal the marriage with a kiss lol, it always gets back to me making out with him.))

**romanma32 **((T-Bone's teeth frighten me, they're so white and straight and perfect...yeesh. Like bear teeth lol. His plan doesn't come into play quite yet, but I'm thinking about making T-Bone like a total genius and surprising the hell out of everyone lol. I'm so glad you liked it!))

**Alexzgirl1** ((I think all bets should be just as sweet as Tommy and Jude's because even if he looses he won't ever leave her alone, and really she likes it, and he has to strip. If he wins, they go on a date. Who can loose here? Well Tommy, but whatever. "Dying" with Tommy, but really being alive, there is no downside because you guys get to be together forever. Seriously _forever_. Wow, that sounds so stalkerish it's scaring me. But just as Instant Star has stolen my soul, so has Tommy. heehee))

**scott4eva **((I try, I swear! lol, I hope you like the chapter!))

**xTamarax**((hahaha, the image of T-Bone chasing a frizbee is forever embedded in my memory and I love it. I think everyone would give up the battle and let evil take over if they had to hearSME's_Oh HolyNight_. It would be a sadday for the Scientologists. Liam wants to get in Spied's bum,he can'thide it anymore. He's excited and hejust can't hide it. Seriously, he cannot hide it. I am so gross lol. I think I would have to even pass on the red bow ifTommy were on my Christmas list. Well maybe he could wear those sunglasses from the episode with theJude/Shay video. Those were mighty adorable and I think that's basically when I fell in love with him...no, I was in love with him since the Boyz Attack! dancing sequence in the firstepisode lol. I'll stop boring youso that you can post the rest of the chpater that I obsessively checking my emailalerts for.SoS is my life, I am obscenely addicted teehee.))

**Latisha C** ((ew, Darius and his karate master with belts and such...oh yuck. Those thoughts are so bad that I could cry right now. But not as bad as the image of Tommy literally snacking on T-Bone's ear that is cannbalistically disturbing. Is that a word... I couldn't bring myself to watch until the Simple Life season 2 when Nicole got unstupid and even then I could only handle a few minutes before my eyes started to burn. I could definitely see T-Bone in High School Muscial, that would make my night. Add Uncles Jesse to all of it and that would be the hightlight of my entire life, that moment that no other could top. And I share your sentiments on the music, I have a feeling that's where the Camdens get their special moments from. I thought about inventing somone from Shay's posse but his personality was a caustic mix of Darius and Liam every time. Who would go for that, no reallly. That would be the most disgusting person/thing to ever walk the earth.))

**Tommy4eva **((That camp is like a helluva long day, but who doesn't love hot boys? Hot boysmake my summer, they just make it totally fun. I hope you had a great time though!I'm so glad you like the story! I hope you like this chapter just as much!))

**VilandraofAntar **((There's a running discussion on wheather Superman is gay or not.Ok not in the real world, just on Best Week Ever and Ihave to say it was the best debate Iever witnessed. I think he could possiblybe gay, but I'm gonna hope not because hello,Clark Kent is hot as hell. I think I have a thing for super hot guys in glasses, they are impossibly gorgeous to me. I wonder what Tim woud look like with glasses, the end result would either be ridiculously attractive of vomit worthy. I think I may have cracked out my Barbie like three months ago, it was whenever IS went off and Ifound nothing todowith myself becauseall I could think about were thedrunken photos and how hot Tommy looks when hecries. Personally the Tommy I would jump first is angry Tommy.DidMary-Kate and Ashley dolls exist?I don't evenremember because I was too busy playing with my anatomically incorrect Barbies. I tried to get _Oywith the poodles_going in reverence to the genius that is Loreli Gilmore, but it didn't work. That was so dissapointing. I'm glad you liked the updates though!))

I love all of you so so so much! Is anyone as ready for season 3 as me? I don't wanna wait any longer. I know there was meet-and-greet up at Niagra Falls, I'm guessing the Candian side, and Tim and Laura were there and when I found out I almost pissed myself that I missed it. But there was this site with photos and I was like 'ew, Tim doesn't look like he bathed' it was really sad and I'm just blocking out the thoughts of overly scruffy Tim right now.

So here's the run down for the chapter because my brother really wants to get on the computer and I am evil and taking up as much time as I can. I'm actually working on summer assignment for my histroy course, except not. So I was going to have pre-date and the date in one chapter but then I had so many ideas for the date and there's so much that I want to happen and I want to put some Sadie and Kwest in the chapter too, so I broke it up. There's actually so much that's rolling around in my head that I might do the date in two chapters, but nothing's for sure yet because I haven't written it lol. Anywho, I just spoiled the whole bet thing for telling you but I really just jump in without explanation. I think I'll have the day in flashbacks and such because I love to put a spin on my flashbacks. Ok this is really all, I promise. So please read on and I think, for your health of course, it would be wise to review. ;o) teehee, my addiction is so now apparent. It's like Tommy's licorice adiction, well kept...sorta. Well not really but whatever on with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 11: _London Calling_

"_I'll pick you up at seven, **girl**_. Well damn him! What if I wanted an 8:30 pickup?" I called, imitating Tommy's previous words. "_I'll pick you up at seven…**girl**_." I called out again, my tongue hanging out of my mouth as I slicked back my imaginary Elvis hair.

So this is what Jimmy Fallon always wanted to be…

"Ok Jude, you need to stop. You sound like a bloated Jeff Spicoli."

"You haven't even seen _Fast Times at Ridgemont High_."

"Yes, I just watched it with Kwest a few days ago."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not!" She stammered in my face as she wiped away the blush I had just rubbed haphazardly on my cheeks.

"Stop it! I intend to look like Bozo tonight and I will not have you ruining it!"

"Shut up and turn. Come on, face me Jude."

"I would but your face hurts my eyes." I chuckled out. I'm like a ten-year-old boy. And I kinda like it.

"Why are you so mad about this date anyway?"

"Hello, I hate him, Sadie."

"Who are you fooling around here? Because it's not me. Look up." She commanded with the eyeliner firmly in her hands. I would fear for myself but I'm too wrapped up in my own damn thoughts.

"Well, I just don't know any more. He was so nice at the studio today. But it was only because of that stupid bet we made. And tonight is the fruit of labor. And don't make me look like a whore."

"Piece of advice, Jude?" She offered, pulling the makeup away from my face to look at me seriously.

"Sure."

"Don't say _fruit of his labor _or he's going to get ideas about the **fruit **of his **labor**." She said, spinning her arms at her shoulders.

What? Is she trying to get my brain to work on over time to understand her insinuation? Because I got it once it flew out of her mouth.

"Dually noted Sadie." I assured her and put my hands on her arms to still them.

"So gimme the run down."

"Wasn't that one of The Rock's movies? Yea I think it was."

"Why do you think about this kind of stuff?"

"I don't know."

Who doesn't think about The Rock on a daily basis? He literally looks like one of those Greek statues of their Gods. I mean hello, his name is _The Rock_. I don't think it's for nothing. I so wanna meet The Rock. I would love him forever, well maybe not but whatever.

"Not really a lot to tell Sadie. I mean the day just seemed to slip by and he was nice and didn't make me do a thousand takes and he didn't kiss me and make me take it back. It was a stupid bet to begin with. How could he not win? All he had to do was be nice and he won."

"Why do you say this kind of stuff? Close."

"What stuff?" I asked as she swirled soft bristles over my eyelids.

"Never mind." She brushed off her comment easily before stepping away with a large gasp.

Is air an exhaustible resource? Because she just wasted a lot if it is.

"What about that boyfriend? I mean, T-Bone…how did that happen?" I looked down with shame, curling my toes on the soft carpet as I slunk to the floor.

"It didn't really happen."

"What?" Sadie demanded loudly.

"Don't say anything Sadie. Please! I lied to Tommy and I couldn't get myself out of it. He wouldn't drop the boyfriend thing. And now T-Bone is planning something and I didn't know that T-Bone even had the capacity to form thoughts and Tommy and punched him once and now he's a step away from devoured and not chewed." I spat out desperately as Sadie slinked next to me.

"That was stupid."

"I know, I shouldn't have lied."

"No, not the boyfriend thing, the T-Bone plan thing. Do you want my help?"

"Not especially. I want that whole thing to go away."

"Well its here to stay."

"Unless I tell Tommy."

"Oh, don't tell him. That would be bad." She said hurriedly as I looked over to see her thinking. "I'll confer with T-Bone, don't worry about it."

"What are you going to do Sadie. Do not invent petty dramas for your own amusement."

"You did that for me. But really, a little jealousy never hurt anyone."

"Sadie what are you going to do?" I demanded as she stood me up and motioned for me to close my lids again. "And this better not be purple." I told her warningly as I felt the brush twirl against my skin again.

"Oops."

"SADIE!" I whined but she just hit my arm lightly.

I would call child services but that would be taking it too far. And I like to keep drama to a minimum. My sarcasm does not want anything to do with you because I was actually being serious. I just seem to create an aura of drama. If I were a lesbian and on _Next_, and some Gothic chick read my aura she would Next my ass in a minute. But I wouldn't care because she was all forward and making out with this girl in the garden and I like to take things slow. Like sleeping with Tommy before we even go out on a date.

OH MY GOD!

This is our first date.

Well holy hell, this puts like all of Carnie Wilson's excess fat on my shoulders. Wow that is some chilling imagery. Seriously, all that bubblery untamed nastiness sloshing all over me. I think I'm going to vomit right now.

"Sadie," I started in a serious voice that was laced with hints of apprehension. "This is my first date with Tommy."

"I thought you didn't like him." She responded with a knowing smile.

"Oh shut up! Who even believes that? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? This is so bad."

"Why is this bad? You guys finally get a shot at your romance. And Tommy's a great date."

"Well he liked you!"

"Jude, are you hearing yourself? Half the time we were dating he was wrapped up with you. There was like a week when he was actually seeing me as Sadie and not as Jude's sister."

"I don't believe that." I said, all joking and brinks of hyperventilating aside.

"Believe what you want, but that's how it was. Now come to my room."

"How safe do you think that is? I could die from noxious gas inhalation."

"Shut up Jude and follow me."

"But why?"

"Duh, wardrobe."

"But I'm already dressed." I protested while I looked down at my frayed jeans and sweater.

"Jude, where is he taking you?"

"Um…" I racked my brain.

I think it was French.

Or Italian.

Damn it!

Oh yeah!

"Um Misturo… or something like that."

"Do you mean _Mistura_?"

"Well I don't know what I mean."

"Jude you can't wear jeans to Mistura. Now come and let me play that game of dress up I've been itching for since you painted your nails black."

"Sadie, you'll make me a skankerlla."

"I will not." She assured me and pulled me into her closet.

"Sadie this isn't a walk in closet!"

"Every closet is a walk in closet if you tried hard enough."

"Oh stop watching T-Mobile commercials."

_Meanwhile…_

Tommy Quincy grunted to himself as he turned off to the exit of his street. His Cobra whizzed past suburban homes, decked out for the holidays. Brilliantly bright red, green, white and an array of colors that barely passed to match the season twinkled at him from the snow covered front yards.

He had long ago turned off the radio, being bombarded with _Feliz Navidad _and too many Christina Aguleria wanna bees trying to belt out _Oh Holy Night_. It was enough to make a grown man cry, but Tommy held the few persistent tears of pain and agony in as slammed his fist into the dial.

"No, don't follow me home. Do not follow me home." He pleaded into his empty car as he watched the overgrown SUV trail him. "Do not follow me home." He willed again as he stopped abruptly at a curb, wrenching himself from the seatbelt and fuming in the middle of the street.

Somewhere in the distance and overly cheery Santa wished him a merry Christmas and sleigh bells rang out into the cold air. _These people's resources are too expandable. No one needs a ho-ho-hoing Santa_. Tommy thoughts bitterly, in a fashion that would make Jude call him Scrooge for a week. He smiled lightly at the thought of her but felt it falter and sink into a frown asKwest pulled up next to him, watching with amusement as his friend stood out in the cold and tapped his foot like a little old lady.

"Do you have ring worms T?"

"That doesn't make sense. Why are you following me?" He demanded loudly, shuddering lightly and drawing the attention of the neighborhood kids.

"Why are not still driving to your house?"

"Because you were following me. Tell me why!"

"_Tell me why_." Kwest mimicked meanly, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head around on his neck.

"I will not hesitate to beat your ass."

"Then I'll just run you over."

"You wouldn't."

"Yes I would and it would be very simple. I would throw this baby into reverse and then pull back up and run you over at sixty miles an hour. She goes zero to sixty."

"Do people believe you when you say things? That _baby _weighs as much as eleven _baby _elephants."

"Hey! She's self conscious." Kwest reprimanded as he hand ducked through the window and pet the car gently. "That is beyond weird."

"I'm weird?"

"Yes. You are standing out here, pulling your best _Golden Girls_ tantrum. And just so you know its," Kwest head disappeared from the window and inside the car to check the thermometer, "it's like 10 degrees out here."

"Ten degrees or like ten degrees."

"Why does it matter?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! WHY ARE YOU NOT SITTING AT HOME AND WATCHING _WHY CAN'T I BE YOU _RIGHT NOW?"

"Well, I hate that show. Nick Zano irritates the shit out of me. And because you have a date with Jude tonight."

"I am thoroughly aware of that, Kwest."

"Which the Nick Zano thing or the Jude thing.

"Both. Now please turn around and go home."

"You are obviously not thinking straight and if I know you at all, you will blow this date."

"How could I possibly blow this date. I haven't blown a date since…seventh grade."

"I would advise you to 1) Not bring up that date. Explosive diarrhea is not enticing. 2) Not take her to an Indian restaurant to avoid said stomach conditions and 3) Do not bring up other dates."

"Kwest," He growled out.

Kwest took it as warning one and as long as the rules were the same, he had two warnings left. "I'm just sayin' don't go pee in her house and leave the seat up. That could be the end of Jommy." Kwest offered with a friendly tone as if he were saying all this out of the goodness of his heart and not for his own amusement. Tommy's head shot up as he stared back at his friend seriously.

"Don't call us Jommy."

"Why not?"

"Well, Jude doesn't like the name. And she's right, she only gets her _J_ and I get my whole _ommy._"

"Should I be calling you _mommy _for the nuptials?"

"Stop talking in circles."

"T you got it _so _bad." He said, awaiting another smart-ass quip from his friend. But he leaned out his window as Tommy merely shuffled his feet on the ground, scuffing the soles of his shoes and saying nothing to the contrary.

"Get it your car." Kwest told him, refusing to argue. Tommy looked up at him for a moment before stalking back to his Cobra. He puffed out a breath of cold air as his hand clasped the freezing handle.

Just as he swung the door open, a girl from one of the surrounding houses ran out and stopped directly in front of him, her chest heaving with pants. "Hi-" Tommy started as he watched in slow motion as the girl's hand flew to his hand and yanked with all her might. From his car Kwest watched frozenly as his hand jerked forward sharply and back again with her palm, his face not registering the pain, only the shock. She retracted her hand, looking at the jet-black hairs lying in her palm.

"OhmyGodIhaveLittleTommyQ'shair!" She screamed into the cold air, Tommy's horrified stare drawing none of her attention.

_Fifteen minutes later…_

"Why would she do that? Are people insane?" Tommy complained, padded his scalp in pain.

"Oh get over it."

"It really hurt and she really got a handful." He looked up worriedly as his voice came out in merely in a whisper. "Is there a bald spot? Can you see it? Is it visible?"

"Slow down desperado. You can't even see it." Kwest assured him with a laugh as Tommy straightened himself, acting as if nothing had been wrong.

"Good." He huffed as he pulled the lapels of his jacket forward. Kwest watched as his nervous hands made their way from his the front of his jacket and back into his pocket as he suddenly looked to him.

"Do you really think I'll screw it up?" Kwest merely chuckled and clapped him on the back as he led the two towards the apartment as if he lived there his whole life and owned the building.

"Quincy, I have seen you mess it up with her before."

"Hey, thanks for the support pal."

"I'm not here for that. Tonight I am your damn Joy Behar."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Seriously?" He stopped their steady pace and turned to look at him in the middle of the hallway. "You never watch _The View_?"

"Why are you even paid?" Tommy asked sarcastically as he fumbled with the keys outside his door. Kwest trailed behind Tommy, still in awe that he never watched in favorite morning talk show.

"What's not to love? I mean five different women, sharing their opinion on current issues,"

"facing females," Tommy cut in

"and discussing current popular culture. Each bringing different value and point of view on each _Hot Topic_."

"Are you a recruiter or something? How did you even come up with that?"

"I don't wither my brain cells away, trying to think of ways to trick Jude into dating me." Kwest told him matter of factly.

"Well I'm glad, Meredith." Tommy said on a chuckle, letting his keys spin across his kitchen counter, stopping right before the ledge.

"A-HA!" Kwest shouted as he shined an apple against his shirt and pointing a finger in Tommy's direction.

"A-HA what?" Tommy asked from the stairs.

"I bfnew boo batfed Tve Viewszv."

"What?" Tommy asked again as Kwest swallowed his mouthful of apple.

"I knew you watched The View."

"Whatever man." Tommy said as he ascended the small flight in the left wing of his lavish apartment, taking him to his room.

"Dude, how do you even crib this?" Kwest as he flopped onto the couch that stilled smelled of new leather.

"You've been here before man. And I don't think _crib_ is a verb."

"You know what I mean. Didn't you blow through all that Boyz Attack! dough in like two weeks."

"No, I blew through the Boyz Attack! groupies in like two weeks." Tommy said as he slipped a button down shirt over his shoulders as the two cringed at his choice of words.

"Dude what really happened to Bruno anyway?"

"Tongue ring got caught on his…" Tommy finished as he cleared his throat to let Kwest finish the rest as he took two steps at a time on his way back down.

"Which tie?" He asked, flopping one on each hand and holding them up for Kwest to choose. "

Where the hell are you going that you need a tie you lovesick fool?" Kwest asked, spitting apple against the glass table when Tommy let a slick tie fall to the floor as he flipped him off.

"Save if for Jude. I think she might wanna."

"Could I say the same to you about Sexy Sadie?" Tommy offered as he spun the tie around his collar in swift, fluid movements. "Oh wait," Tommy stopped himself, letting his hands fall with his face questioning. "Does that make you _Sexy Kwest_ or _Sexy Kwadie_?"

"Shut up man." Kwest said as he flipped Tommy's TV on, flipping to MTV and nestling himself into the couch comfortably. "I think Next is on. If we're lucky it's the lesbian one. They always make out." Kwest said excitedly, clapping his hands jovially. But his face fell and his hands slumped loudly against the couch as the screen flickered.

"Damn you Nick Zano!" He shouted into the apartment, as Tommy laughed at him.

_Sadie and Jude…_

I was standing perfectly still as socks, t-shirts, skirts, jeans, pants, blouses, dresses and all things that would make Liboraci squeal and frolic hand in hand with Mason flew in giant heaps in front of me. I was afraid I was gonna get hit again. And that perfume bottle was not empty! As a Pussycat Doll inspired boot whirred past my face I screamed out a few profanities.

"Do you feel that swearing like that gets you farther in life?" She asked me as she stepped out suddenly, holding a t-shirt against herself and a _what-do-you-think _expression on her face.

Um, I will not wear that. "SADIE! That says _sex kitten_. Why did you even buy it?" I yelled at her as I caught the heinous shirt in my hands. She delved back in when I caught the shirt but I saw her head pop out momentarily with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Because…I'm a sex kitten?" She trailed off with a grin.

"Yuck Sadie." I told her and threw the shirt to my feet.

"Can you pick something that won't, you know, make people mistake me for a hooker?"

"You're asking a lot from me, Jude. How do you think I got the job at G-Major anyway?"

"Blew your way past all the others." I replied with a cheeky grin.

"Ha-ha." She said sarcastic as she dropped herself to the floor, tucking her hair behind her ears and digging through a pile of clothing.

"I'm really not too keen on wearing anything you own. No offence or anything. It's just not…"

"Your style. Yes I am aware but just get over it for one night. Here try this dress."

"Sadie, this is a crimson red cocktail dress."

"I'm glad you know your colors, I'll notify Crayola with a nice pat on the back tomorrow. No shoo. Try it on."

"Oh don't do that! Don't you remember the time Kat and I were sick for a week because we wanted to eat _cotton candy pink_? Crayola people are evil. But I wouldn't mind a piece of that Mr. Magic Marker guy. He was hunky." I told her as I tossed a grin on my way to her bathroom to change.

"Jude, did you like smack your head, or sniff too many Sharpies?"

"No more than anyone else, why?" I asked with my hand on the doorknob.

"Mr. Magic Marker was never a company mascot. For anything."

"Whatever. Mr. Clean, Mr. Magic Marker. Tomato, to-mah-to."

"Ew, Mr. Clean is ugly." She called to me as I closed the door.

"Says the girl who had a crush on that old guy from MASH. You are not one to be critiquing."

"Just try it on Jude." She told me tiredly as I was slipping the dress over my head. I watched it fall into place and as I smoothed it out I wasn't smacked with the overwhelming need to cringe and rip it off. I sighed as I spun the knob and walked out to show Sadie.

"You are wearing that. No question." She said through a slightly sagging jaw.

"That good?"

"That _great_, Jude. This will definitely have someone drooling."

"But I fed the dog yesterday!" I whined and stomped my foot for good measure. I actually haven't fed the dog in several years but no one is really keeping track.

"I was talking about a different dog. One by the name of Tommy Quincy."

"How long have you been hanging out with Portia?"

"I dunno, since I started working at G-Major."

"I think you guys need a breather. You're turning into a blonde version of her. I'd like to call you _Blortia_."

"Stop talking Jude." Sadie said in amusement and shuffled back to her closet in search for a pair of shoes.

"If I look remotely like a Spice Girl I will be really mad Sadie." I called from the bathroom as I changed out the dress, not wanting to muss it before I had leave.

"_If you wanna be my lover you have to get with my…friends_." Sadie sang loudly, stopping and trailing off. I can't resist, but Connie Chung should be shaking in her white overly taffeta and frilled gown. Sadie is gonna knock the nation to its knees with that voice.

"Oh hey!" I started in realization. "That's really dirty." Sadie said with a deep-seated grimace as she finished for me.

"Yeah. No wonder mom wouldn't let you see _Spice World_."

"I saw it with Katherine." Sadie said with a self-satisfied smile.

"Well good for you Garfield." I said as I slinked back and let myself fall on her bed lazily.

"I think I found a pair!" She exclaimed too excitedly, which meant only my demise.

"_Oh crystal ball. Crystal ball, save us all_. _Tell me life is beautiful._" I sing-songed from her bead as I played with the tassels on her pillow.

"Not scared, are you." Sadie taunted nicely. Is that possible, being a nice taunter. Well, Sadie is a woman of many façades. And is definitely _taunter _a word…

"No, not too much." I said uncertainly. With an enormous boot in her hands and concerned look her face, Sadie joined me on the bed staring at me intently.

"Please, don't _oh honey what's wrong _à la Victoria Harrison. I beg you." Sadie sighed with a smile, opening her mouth once more.

"Don't be nervous. Look at all he did to snag a date with you. More than anyone I've known."

"And you have _known _a lot of people." I said breaking with a smile and snort.

"Can I ask you a question, in all seriousness." I said, my grin faltering and my hands falling on top of hers. "Did you ever," I started as she cocked her head as she listened seriously "have sex with Liam?" I finished with a loud laugh. Sadie looked at me in utter amazement and shock and after a few minutes she opened her mouth, her chin protruding in a very Julie Garland manner.

"Liam is a ve-" she started as my phone sang loudly from my bedroom.

"_London Calling_." I said on a laugh and padded across the warm area rug to my room.

"Hello?" I chirped into the receiver, knowing it was Tommy but not wanting to let on.

"Hey girl. It's Tommy."

"Tommy who?"

"Um, _Tommy._ You know, your producer." I giggled loudly.

"I'm not in _music_ business." I informed him in an outrageous falsetto.

"Jude, come on. It's Tom."

"Oh TOM! This isn't Jude. This is Trixie from a few nights ago, silly boy. I'm so glad you called because I picked out the china and I just need your final say on if you want pink with unicorns or fuchsia with puppies. Oh and who is this Jude? I think we promised each other at counseling that we would stay faithful until the wedding."

"Oh Trixie, baby, I'm so sorry. This is a really bad time. Can I call you later?" Tommy said seriously. HEY! This was a joke. A not so clever ruse of _my _making! And how does he know a Trixie damn it?

"What?" I nearly screamed into the phone, only to be met by his infuriating chuckles.

"You are not a funny one Mr. Quincy." I told him in my most stern voice, but feeling my smile crack through as his laughs continued.

"Uh, Jude. I'm outside your house. Are you ready?"

"No you're not. You're lying to me. Lying is a sin Tommy." I heard him chuckle from the other line again. This is no laughing matter.

"Stop laughing immediately."

"Yes ma'am." He mocked.

"I'll hang up on you and let you sit outside my house all night." His laughing stopped abruptly. "You know that I would Tommy. Would you really like to spend the night getting acquainted with your car?"

"Oh, she's offended. Don't you know who she is?" Tommy jested as rolled my eyes and made my way to my window, peering down at my driveway.

"OH THE VIPER!" I squealed into the phone as I watched Tommy open the door and wave at me.

"I can see you girl." He called as I watched his head tilt up and his mouth hung open with a lazy grin.

"I can see you to." I told him as I ran from my window, drawing the curtains.

"Hey-"

"Stop whining, Sadie will be down to let you in, in a minute."

"Sadie?" Tommy asked apprehensively.

"Oh get over it, she doesn't hate you any more. And I saw you squirreling Kwest in there, so she'll be plenty occupied." I heard him laugh once more before I snapped the phone shut and called to Sadie.

"Little Tommy Q brought you a surprise."

"His heart on a stick?" Ok, so maybe she doesn't like him yet.

"A little better. Kwest is with him." A bright grin etched on her features as she ran to the staircase, stopping mid way and turning to me.

"If he hurts you anymore, he better change his name and hope that me and Bloodbath never find him." She told me seriously.

"Who's uh, _Bloodbath_?" I asked with a nervous chuckle. I really hope she doesn't name her knives. That would be really weird.

"The German Shepard I'll buy to hunt him down. Make sure you have something that reeks of him." She finished as I laughed in the face of her threat but something told me she wasn't joking as she whisked herself down the stairs and to the door. I heard her disdainful hello for Tommy and her pecking kisses for Kwest.

"Is uh, Jude ready?" Tommy asked warily. He's smarter than I thought; he does not want to incur her wrath right now. I think she would filet him alive and feed him Santa's polar bears. The windy gusts met my bare feet as I scampered off to Sadie's room, snatching the clothes and changing hurriedly.


	12. Sticky Fingers

You guys absolutely blow me away! I love you all so much and you have officially become my favorite people in the whole world! I'm trying to think if there are any particular notes about this chapter...It jumps right into Tommy and Jude's date and I haven't really thought past it so I'm not sure of the ramifications the night will have but I think big ones...or small ones lol. I was going to switch back and forth between Kwest and Sadie and Tommy and Jude but I didn't want to once the chapter got going but there's some Kwadie at the end of the chapter. I forewarn you...I'm a crazy person lol.

Oh random note: I am officially in love with John Mayer. I would marry him right now if I could, but he would have to sing to me lol. His new single is currently playing on repeat and I would bust out some lyrics but that would shred away any semblence of sanity I may posses.

Another random note: I have been watching repeats of _8 Simple Rules _while I was pretending to finish my summer assingment and I love that show! I forgot how much I loved it and it's the later ones and David Spade is in them and he is the light of my life. They're super funny, I just thought I would let everyone know lol. Alrighty before I jump right into the chapter I have to thank you guys! You are completely amazing and I love all of you!

**Tommy4eva **((I love basketball and basketball plus dance offs equal the best thing ever. I tried to make a cyber trophy for you in light of almost winning it but it turned into a mess of commas and ill placed numbers. No one would ever want to recieve it lol. Hot coaches make me think of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Erc, the soccer camp coach, was definitely hot. Not as hot as Tommy, but in a different way. Ah Eric...I can't wait for the next movie lol.))

**VilandraofAntar **((Yes, Wild n Out is a masterpiece from the people at MTV. Ok that may be pushing it since Nick Cannon is the most irritating human being that walks the Earth but that short guy with the wild hair, I think his name is Kat, he is the light of my life. He is so funny but I wouldn't marry him because he's ugly. But I have found my new addiction: _The World Series of Pop Culture _and sit in front of VH1 for an hour and scream out completely wrong answers and swear when I get them wrong. And _I love the 70's Volume II _has quickly become an addiction and wormed itself into my heart. I love Hal Sparks, he makes my world bright.))

**jackjakio **((Yes, mistresse sounds quite dirty after too many episodes of Law and Order: SVU. I love dective Stabler but if I hear him say _molest _one more time I'll scream. Teehee, I'm glad you like the banter a lot is drawn from conversations I've actually. Heavy talk makes me bored lol. I hope you like the date!))

**smileon **((In a mean sense, I feel slightly proud to have woken sleeping children. lol, I'm kidding...kinda. You could have told them a nice bedtime story about two beings that melded together to make _Blortia _lol. I'm glad you liked it though!))

**lileigh760 **((lol, I'm glad to have covered all bases teehee. I am so glad you like it so much!))

**romanma32 **((lol, his teeth are scary. After that episode with the danceI had dreams of huge mouths just chasing me with chatering teeth. It was disturbing lol. lol, I'm thinking of Tommy dressed like Loreli right now, it's a little unsettling and I can't shake the image of Kwest dressing like Emily Gilmore. That is so frightening and the weird part is that I can see Kwest assualting Tommy with his eyes and snarky off-handed comments. But I'm glad you liked the back-and-forth with them lol!))

**Tanya50801 **((I'm so glad you like it!))

**Alexzgirl1 **((Sadie the Barbie...hehe, that's actually really plauisble in my eyes. While I was writing the chapter I was thinking of the dress that Jude wore at the yahct party in NSTB Part 1 but I don't really go into a whole description lol. Ah you have Next in Germany? lol, I can't help but be addicted to that show, it's sickly fascinating. lol, I would Next them all in a minute if I knew Tommy was coming and if he were first I would never even dream of nexting him lol. Tim is shooting a movie? That wil definitely be one that I am running to go see, I will take any kind of Tim I can get lol. I'm still looking for _Pure_ like a crazy person, I really want to see it. I've seen a clip and Tim is most definitely getting hispants stripped off of him, so thatcovers the strippingbases lol. Ahwoohoo, shooting starts...soon-ish lol! I'm soexcited for season 3! But I'm completely with you on the whole timeline thing, I really wantthe season to come sooner than February but I would wait...not patiently but I would wait lol.))

**Varley990 **((The Golden Girls theme song is addictive, not it'splayingin my head too! lol, I can just picture Tommy hunched over like the oldest one whose alwaysmaking fun of people. I'm so glad youlove the fic! I hope youlike this chapter too!))

**scott4eva **((aw, I'm so glad you like it! I really hope you like this chapter too!))

**thatgirlyoucanttrust **((If I were Jude I would stop the whole charade and just chase Tommy down until I found him. I would get drunk and meet ugly boys at bars,unless they told me where to find Tommy...then I would stand them. lol, I'm so glad you like the story!))

**tommys21**((My parents did not let my see Spice World butthen I ended up watching it lol, I can't remember how. I picked up right where I left off, promise, promise!))

**Duddley111 **((lol, I'm soglad you liked it! I always love Tommy and Kwest together in the show too!))

**pixietix16 **((Jude isn't very smart and she cried the whole first season too, I mean that endearingly too! I swear!Her consistency is a virtue...I think Liammay have said that once so I retract my statement. lol,Bloodbath tickles my pink because on _Keanan and Kel_or whatever that show was on Nick,Keanan's boss got a huge dog to protect the store and they named it Bloodbath and I thought it was so funny lol. Darius is like a german shepard crossed with a pit bull and adog with rabies, on a bad day I guess. Sometimes hecan be nice...ish. Portia was german shepard-esqueduring the wholeTommy Sadie break up, I sorta hated her those twoweeks, she was really mean aboutTommy. _Fabbity-fab _is my new catch phrase and when people ask me what it means, I will just scoff in their face and laugh my way down the street. Ok now I am off track but I cannever seem tohelp myself lol. I hope you like the date!))

**CJMJM **((Aw, I'm so gald to bring some joy!I think that cancels my bad karma fromkeying a car yesterday...that Imay have done on purpose lol. I say cry all you need,cause afterwards I always feel like a thousand percent better and then I laugh a lot, at like everything. It's a little nutso but I'm more than alittle nutso lol.Really, I am so glad you like the story!))

**Judeh05 **((I literally would doanything with Quincy. Ithink I'm bordering on obsession but it's really just his character, I don't know if I would like Tim as much. I mean Ipretty much loved Tommy because he's hot in the first season and now I don't really know why I love him since he's being kindaa jackass...that's not very importantthough so no worries! lol, if there was no Tommy and no Kwest I wouldcry puddles of tears over their demise, seriously.I would marry Kwest and I would do Tommy. Kwest just seems more dependable and more loveable than Tommy, who has a fondness to run away lol. I miss the Viper too! The motorcycle give Tommy like an infinite number of super hot points butI loved theViper. I think the Viper and E.J. need tomake another appearencein season 3. Teehee, I'm gladyou likedTrixie lol!))

**Latisha C **((When I think of the worst clowns in the world who drink and rain down the whoop-ass I can'thelp but think of Crusty from teh Simpsons. That show actuallymakes me a little depressed and I don't know why but on the occasions that I have watched it, Crusty has been oneof the worst clowns on Earth. Poor Sadie, she gets such a bad rap, but then I think to how much I hated her in season 1 andI don't feel bad for her like at all. I'm still wondering if Sadieis too self-centered to help Jude out or if she'll actually be a good sister this time.People who stand in front of the mirror for hours make me want to reach out and scratch their hair out and be like 'Not so pretty now!' but I think that would be really mean and pushing it.I think I may have that I woulddo anything with Tommy, but I'm putting restriction on that: I won't physicallyfight with him because there is achance that hewould like kill meand then there's the chance that he hurts himself while fighting me and then Iwould get all the creditfor taking himdown and then the guilt would haunt me...I think that I over-analyze things. I was thinking _mommy _like the actual word because I don't know that acronymfor it...isit dirty? Ah, you're going to be on TV! I vote that you will be a pillar of sanity amongst a sea of crazy fan girls and then the TV camera will just have to follow you becuase you're so sane. I probably shouldn't insult my fellow fangirls though, once I thought IsawNick Lachey in New York and I may not be his biggest fanbut I almost wentinto shock and thenI followed the car for like five blocksand it turned out it wasn't even him. it was so dissapointing. lol, I'm gladyou liked the chapter!))

**Shattered Images **((lol, I'm glad you liked the Jude Dariusfight, I would totally payto see them take eachother down lol.I am also so gladthat you like the story so much! I always love comic relief and think everything being serious and borderline sappy can get weighing andthen I can't read it for too long, so Itry to encorporate a little bit of everything! I know exactly what you mean about the mood swing thing too, I always seem to read Grey's Anatomy fics right before I go out somewhere and the characters are like dying left and right and I'mjust like...wow that is not uplifting at all. I am currently scoweringfor Dead Milkman because with a name like that,how can I not listen to them?))

I really can't even tell you how much I appreciate the feedback, I am currently bowing to you guys and your wonderful words! I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint and I will seriously try to have the next chapter out sooner than this one lol.

* * *

Chapter 12: _Sticky Fingers_

Tommy shifted awkwardly as he tried to not watch as Sadie and Kwest's tongues reunited as if his had been gone to fight a year long dental virus but feeling more uncomfortable than the time Chaz hit on his mom at a Christmas party four years ago. A deep growl sounded from their cramped huddle making him jump and flash back to when his mom liked eggnog off of Chaz's lips at a different party, six years ago.

Tommy cleared his throat slightly, letting his gaze fly to Kwest and Sadie who continued to carry on their game of intense tonsil hockey. Go Mighty Ducks, go! He coughed again, with a little more vigor and turning to face the couple not far enough away from him.

He watched in horror as Sadie wrapped her legs around Kwest's torso as he fell against the hallway's wall. It was getting to be like Al and Tipper Gore, only worse and more personal. Tom put his hand in front of his lips letting a hacking cough ring out once more and felt his gag reflexes kick in as he heard another distinct growl.

"Can't you guys wait? Not even Marvin Gaye wants it as bad as you do." Sadie pulled away with a need inhale as she glared at Tommy, tempted to throw a _'let's get it on_' to Kwest. She refrained as Jude majestically laid her hand against the railing, coming down the stairs, commanding Tommy's riveted attention in a very Cinderella/Prince Charming manner.

She felt her eyes misting, thinking of what a good mentor she had been and priding herself in watching her little project finally spread her wings and fly. _Ok, maybe that's stretching it, but damn she looks hot_. Sadie reasoned with herself as Jude's foot plopped against the first step. Tommy felt a breath hitch as he felt himself leaning against a closet door to steady himself as he watched Jude with a trained eye. Her hair falling in loose ringlets and draping across her exposed neck and cascading down her back was calling him to run his hands through each blonde lock. His eyes drank in the dress he would have never imagined Jude owning but feeling grateful for small favors in his life. Well actually _big_, as he felt a little too much blood rush south as she shifted her unsteady feet down the next step, causing the neckline to swing and revealing increasing amounts of skin. His hand fell to the knob of the closet's door as her persistent descent continued.

"Hey babe." Sadie called out lovingly as Tommy felt the need to throw a globe at her head for disturbing his train of thoughts. Just as Jude lifted a shaky hand to wave back her balance slipped as her heel slid across the tip of one of the steps, sending Jude sailing and plummeting down half of the staircase. Tommy felt his own hand slip in surprise, flinging the door open and smacking himself painfully in the face and falling to the floor with a long stride forward. Jude screamed, his ass cracked.

_..O..o..O.._

GOD DAMN IT! I don't know why, but I'm getting some really good imagery of Charlton Heston in _Planet of the Apes _right now. Like it's smacking me in the face.

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

Or whatever pronouncement he made against the apes. Jesus, I think I just cracked my ass in half. And just a word to the wise, it hurts like a bitch. I actually don't know if bitches hurt, but I'm going with the expression here and I let MTV make all decisions for me. What can I say, I like to follow. Because I want to surgically have a pair of balls…_sewed _on me and then staple them to my thigh just like Johnny Knoxville. He's so dreamy. Ew. Uh-oh. I knew I should dribble my time with thoughts of the Mr.-Jessica-Simpson-to-be I think a full-scale war is breaking out. But I'm Swiss baby. I'm neutral.

"Make love. Not war." I called out as I pulled myself up by the railing and latching to it as I finished my way down.

"I wouldn't give Tommy any ideas." Kwest nudged me with a whisper as I merely smirked back.

"Now what kind of bachelor's best friend are you?"

"One whose friends with the girl too. Besides, he's not really a bachelor anymore."

"Is he single?"

"Only on a technicality."

"Mhmm." I mumbled as Kwest shoved his fingers between his lips and let out a piercing whistle.

"Hey! I wanna do that too!" I whined as I mimicked him but just spat all over myself. I think I knew I don't know how to do that, but that information seemed to have escaped me two nanoseconds ago.

Whatever.

I walked between Tommy and Sadie, whipping my spit against the side of my dress that wasn't facing Sadie.

"Is my point completely mute here?" I called out over the bickering.

"_Mute_?" Sadie asked me with light disgust. I just shrugged in face her mean scowl before she scoffed at me.

"It's _moot_."

"Is not."

"Does that even matter? This entire argument has no basis. Jude just said she was fine. Tom, stop blaming Sadie."

"Well of course you would defend her. She was shoving her tongue so far down your throat that it was coming out your eye socket."

**IMAGERY!**

"It's not even about that man, and you know it. Sadie didn't mean to make her fall."

"YEAH!"

"Let me solve the problem. Tommy and I will go before Sadie stabs his heart. Can we agree on that?"

"Hey thanks Jude. You really helped us on that one." Sadie called sarcastically, throwing her arm and thumb in the air in a very _oh-golly-gee _manner that made me sick.

"I'm here to please people." I told her with a sweetly feigned smile. I watched Tommy's head shoot up as he threw a smile at Kwest. He gaze flicked over Sadie as he walked towards me and I could see her throwing him a look.

"Calm yourself _Sticky Fingers_."

"Hey, Sadie, guess what."

"What?" She responded sarcastically, a hand grasping her hip in annoyance.

"That was your dad on the first. Him and his twelve inches of man-meat."

EW! "Hello, disgusting. My dad too, Tom." I shouted back before Sadie could say anything back. I had a feeling it would have come out vulgar and maybe even incriminating. With his hand on the small of my back, he led us to the door and smoothly grabbing my coat of the hook as I jiggled the knob.

"Should I be monopolizing on that people pleasing, Harrison?"

"Depends on how you do business. Treat me right, you could make a profit."

Oh shit it's freezing out here. If I were a polar bear I would probably have to kill myself. I wonder how the reindeer can handle this like all year round? If Santa rode bareback I would have to march up there in the name of Animal Rights. Seriously.

"Oh, really now. When would the benefits of these profits arise?" He asked, feet crunching in the snow as he walked into the grass while I stayed on the driveway. I have a better chance of slipping but I hate the sound of crunching snow it makes my toes curl.

"Tonight, if you wanted." I whispered in his ear before leaning away from his grasp to open my door. I felt his hand hover against me again as he stooped with me, swinging the door open like a gentleman.

"Your word is binding. I intend to cash in." He said with a deep smirk before shutting the door at my gape.

Chivalry is dead.

He spun the car into the ignition as the Viper purred underneath us, winning a smile across his features. This is creepy. I reached out immediately to blast my seat warmer at like the maximum, there's something awesome about having a warm butt. Just me? Yeah, I didn't think so…

He moved around in his seat, spinning his whole body so that he could see between the two seats and out the back to pull out.

"No one else is in the driveway, I don't think you run the risk of hitting no one. Unless," I started a gasping whisper "You. See. Dead. People." I finished before I tittered with laughter at my own joke. Hey, I thought it was funny.

"If I hit Sadie's car though…" Tommy countered as the car sleeked past it easily as he pulled out.

"Then I think you would have a few nice chats about Boyz Attack! and it's ramifications on your childhood with Malcolm." I finished. He looked over, smiling at me before slapping his hand against the dashboard a few times.

"What do you say with ride the bab-ay all the way ta Vegas?" He tempted me with his best Elvis impression.

"Do I need to bring out the Jesse Katsopolis speech again? I don't mind."

"Can I take a rain check?"

"That is officially in my books. You will be receiving the brunt of it one day. And how about we ride this bab-ay all the way to the nearest movie theater?" I suggested hopefully.

"Wondering if you can find Liam something in Prada?"

"Do you even know that the movie has basically an all women cast? Besides Stanley Tucci. Who btw-lights my fire. I love him." Tommy grunted next to me, cutting someone off as he merged off the streets and onto the freeway. I am starting to fear for my life.

"Are you on something? Stanley Tucci is like thirty years older than me." He muttered a small _oh _before visibly relaxing. What is he gonna do when I tell him that T-Bone is taking me to the damn ball? I really want that Ball to take human form right now. I want to knock it senseless. I'm feeling like I should channel the Rocky I know I have in me. I broke Jamie's toe once. I had a ladder, but whatever.

"Besides, I wanna go see the _Pirates of the Caribbean_. Johnny Depp the pirate _really _lights my fire."

"Are you joking?" He asked as he looked over sharply.

"Nope. I love him."

"The man where's eye liner. Buckets of eye liner."

"That's sexy you idiot."

"Didn't you already see that with Kat?"

"No." I lied easily.

"Liar." Damn it! Thwarted again!

"Am not."

"Then there is someone who looks suspiciously like you who came into the studio screaming about a jar of dirt and Captain Jack Sparrow almost hooking up with Elizabeth on the _Black Pearl_ before she duped him like a bitch and made him go down with the boat."

"Oh, that must have been Mason. He came into my house and rifled through my clothes and makeup and then…uh, bleached his hair."

"Mason drags?"

"Only when he goes to see Orlando Bloom. He wants to fool him into thinking that he's that chick from _Blue Crush_."

"Jude," He started with feigned warning in his tone as I just conceded, knowing he wouldn't let it go since I said I would do Johnny Depp. His jealousy is so ill placed and irrational and…stupid.

"You can never see it too many times. Don't you wanna go see it?" I huffed out.

"You already told me how it ends."

"Yeah, but my Davey Jones was a little off. You'd be lying if you didn't want to go see it for yourself."

"I don't wanna go see it for myself."

"Liar."

"Am not!"

"Tantrum throwing liar. Those are the worst kind."

"I thought bad liars are the worst."

"I have a theory about them. Wanna hear it?"

"Do I have a choice in the matter?"

"Well if you insist. The bad liars out there, actually really want to be caught. They aren't comfortable with the idea of lying or whatever they're lying about and their subconscious foils it for them. So really bad liars are just uneasy liars. They need practice or they need to lie about something they're comfortable with."

"You transcend the ages."

"Why do you think I made out with Bruno that one time?"

"WHAT?" He nearly screamed, down shifting like a mad man. Wait…do mad men down shift or do they just build Frankenstein? Whatever.

"Easy Bonaduce. I was kidding." His shoulders slumped again as his death grip relaxed from around the wheel, one slumping to his side. He looked over at me with a sneaking smile that made me fear for humanity as a whole.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Oh yes. Sadie and I had eleven bowls of Coco Puffs, attempting to recreate that magic that was once _Coco Bums_."

"You're joking right."

"Me? I never kid. Serious. All the time."

"Yes, that is your reputation."

"Liam is my mentor."

"Wanna be just like him when you grow up?"

"Sexual prowess and all." I retorted as I pushed my thumb into the radio dial.

"Can it ever be just silence?"

"You really want silence?"

"Why don't we talk?"

"Well what if we're all talked out when we get there? And by the way, where are we going?"

"Where's the fun in ruining a surprise?"

"It's not a surprise. You told me at the studio and I just forgot."

"Good to know that you still listen to me."

"I never listened to you to begin with."

"So the chord and lyric changes were just inspiration from within."

"No it was Jamie's idea. He's my musical Gandalf."

"Ooh, right." Tommy said with a long and exaggerated nod before grinning over at me.

"Fine. Let's talk."

I said with a puffing sigh, tapping my nails against the window and silently counting in my head how long I could go on before he cracked.

_Ten_

_Nine_

_Eight_

_Seven_

_Si-_

"Jude, stop it! You'll compromise the quality of the glass!" He exclaimed. Longer than I thought. Good for him.

"Why do you care? You're not selling the Viper. Are you?" I demanded suddenly, clutching the dashboard with one hand and squeezing the arm rest with the other until my knuckles were white. He looked over at me and chuckled in my panic stricken face. What a prick. "This is no laughing matter."

"I know, you're right. But I gotta get you something good for next year."

"What _next year_?" He looked over at me, his expression complete with the nearly incredulous lip pout.

Oh, _that _next year.

"But I just turned seventeen."

"Do you realize how the rides to the studio and your daily intake of coffee run me dry. I'm living on a thread."

"Yea _ok_, Mr. VP. And if you're so poor then stop chauffeuring my ass around." His eyes had glanced back at the road so I turned my head to watch his entire profile shrug.

"I like to." I felt a grin break out on my face as I let myself slump back in the buttery leather. With my head plastered against the seat, I rolled it slightly to look at him again, my grin still lingering.

"Then can I call you Hoke?"

"Only if I can call you Miss Daisy."

"I can work with that." Silence fell again, cloaking us in amiable warmth as I played with the zipper on my coat and reveling in the familiar comfort of the Viper. I swear I fell in love with this car. But not like Tommy. The dude would kill a person for this damn car. It's his baby. Wow, that passes the realms of incest and bestiality and crosses over uncharted territory. I lolled my head to look at him again, wondering what I could say.

"Hey Tom." He looked over at me with a smile.

"Yea?"

"Can I ask you a question?" I posed, giving myself time to think, I watched him open his mouth again a smirk already forming.

"Don't say _you already did_ because then I will hit you." His smirk fell as his teeth clamped together.

"Go ahead." He said with amused sarcasm.

"If you could take one moment back, which would you pick?" I asked, feeling the seriousness and weight of my question smack me in the face and then crawl down and bite me in the ass. What is the matter with me?

Oh wait, I know. I am the biggest mood killer in the world. I should be tried before a jury of my peers and thrown to jail. No plea-bargain, I killed it and I am going to pay for it. I frickin' invented the term 'party pooper' I suck so much. I just shit all over the party and who wants to clean their own shit? I sure as hell don't. Ok I'm done being disgusting…for the minute. He looked at me again, seriousness clouding his eyes as I felt the car slow beneath us.

Someone is thinking… "Jude, I have made so many mistakes with you that I can't ever count."

"Oh, I have." I told him with a wry nod of my head.

"Really? Why thank you." He told me graciously with a wide smile.

"You don't have to answer." I told him finally as he exhaled loudly.

_Moby Dick_ anyone? Oh, dirty…

_..O..o..O.._

We finally pulled into a parking lot outside an eclectic building, a nautical theme smacking me in the face as Tommy led us inside. I wrapped my coat tighter to my body, trying to dispel the wind when I felt his arm drop around my whole frame as he huddled me against his body. We trudged together as he held the door for me and I shivered until I thought the frostbite would go away.

Ew, what if my foot turned black like Mr. Deeds? That would so weird, but Adam Sandler is funny so it didn't seem like frostbite is so awful, but this one guy climbed Mt Everest and his nose fell off from frostbite. What was that movie Adam was just in…damn it, I just saw that after Kat and I snuck in once Pirates of the Caribbean was over…Oh yeah! _Click. _That was a little more depressing than funny but I am going to marry Ben all grown up, he was really hot.

A waiter greeted us with a brown-nosing smile as he greeted Tom. I looked around the intimate surrounds, small round tables for two scattered across the room, elegant chairs pushed in to face each other at both sides.

"Ah, bon soir, Monsieur Quincy. ¿Common ça va, ce soir?" The man asked him in French. The glint of sliver wear played off every corner while the low hanging chandeliers provided more light. It had grown dark outside, the moon casting a faint shadow on the tables that were situated by the windows. I silently hoped that we could sit at one of them.

"Ca va très bien. Je voudrais la table a coté de la glass, s'il te plait." I heard Tommy say, pointing over to a tucked corner of the room that seemed undisturbed from the rest.

"Bien sûr, venez avec mio." He instructed as we followed him a table by the window, overlooking a small pond that I didn't know was there. They built their own pond? How cool!

"Did you just sell me into slavery?" I asked him lightly.

"I may have." He quipped back.

"As long as I'm informed." I said as I grasped a menu.

"I can't read this."

"Don't worry, I can order for you."

"Should I be reassured?"

"I think I'm hurt, Jude."

"You just admitted into selling me off. You didn't even look for the highest bidder. You couldda made some serious cash tonight." He smiled at me over the candle, making my heart pound.

"I could use that cash and take you dancing."

Is the man stupid?

Oh wait…no, he's been watching _Why Can't I Be You _and everyone wants to go dancing. I looked over at him seriously, silently cursing the Gods of MTV.

"Did you do Jell-O shots before you came to pick me up?"

"No."

"Then why would you ever think that I would ever agree to dancing?"

"Can't you dance?" He asked as the same waiter came over with a bottle of wine. They two conversed lightly in French as Tommy checked the year before accepting the wine.

I looked at the guy's nametag and I almost bust out laughing. _Pierre _was in meticulous cursive. Do they make this stuff up? Well maybe _Pierre _is actually French.

"Du vin, mademoiselle?" He asked me genially but I just gaped over at Tommy.

"Non merci." He answered, "Elle peut pas encore boire." He continued with the small wave of his hand. I gave _Pierre _a toothy smile as set the bottle on the table before leaving us alone again.

"How long have you been my producer?" I asked him with a quirk of my brow.

"At least two years."

"So you were there for the Shay era?" He merely grumbled in response and titled the bottom of us glass towards the ceiling, his lips gripping the rim of the glass tightly. Pace yourself Tommy-Boy, I intend to make this one hell of a night.

"I'll take the incoherency as affirmative. With that established, do you remember the video?"

"Booty girls and all." He said with a tight smile as he raised his glass to me, as if to say _let-us-enjoy-a-glass-together _and he should really get a punch in mouth for that since I am acutely underage, and drained part of the bottle into his glass. He is so not driving tonight.

"Well, in case your STDs had been affecting your mental health that week, I think everyone will remember the dance lessons with Shay and Troy and ever present Darius."

"Oh yeah." He said, his mouth slung open in realization. "You thought he was going to molest you." Tommy said.

Loudly.

With a chuckle.

Too loudly.

A loud chuckle.

So loudly that I think I _will _set up a play date with his teeth and my clenched, angry, flying fist. The Flying Fists of Fury and back bitches! With a vengeance! I can hear Natalie Portman shaking in her boots, her bald-ass head trembling with fear. Ok that's mean; I sorta like her after that Clive Owen movie…_Closer _or whatever. "You are not allowed to bring that up after the sexual harassment suit you pulled against Nathan."

Who wants a 411?

Well I don't care if you don't I'm giving one. Nathan was Darius' secretary, flamboyant would be the understatement of the year but I'll go with it, flamboyant and proud. He came to work one day in a pair of assless chaps that left all the things I have never wanted to see out in the open, with no part for the imagination to fathom.

Actually, mine was working on overdrive to cover up the mental trauma. And every time, an image of Fat Man Scoop would invade my precious brain space. The fact that I have never actually seen Fat Man Scoop has no bearing on my point. But I digress, so what else is new…Assica's boobs?…no not yet, back to Nathan and Nathan's donkey. His junk. His apple bottom if you will. And really it was an apple bottom as far as Nelly goes; I think he would go gay for Nathan and his plush booty.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

So at lunch, Nathan brought the studio a batch of his homemade cookies and came into Studio B, where Tommy and Kwest had been at the soundboard, bickering over who was more like James Bond and I was sitting on the couch, wondering if I could go back to red, and offered the platter to us. With his derrière to Kwest and Tommy, he bent over to display the platter for me. Thanking him graciously, I asked if he had ever seen how a soundboard works.

"**Oh no!" He squealed and made his way to Tommy and Kwest, setting the platter on the cushion next to me. **

**"What does _this _do?" He asked in wonder, fiddling with a knob that made Tommy jump out of his skin. I think it was just because the knob was too close to where he was sitting but whatever. **

**"Why don't you learn about the soundboard from far away? Like by Jude." Tommy suggested, leaving no room for arguments. **

**"Oooh, ok!" He chirped and plopped his bare ass next to mine. And on top of his cookies, which tasted like fingernails but I wasn't going to say anything in fear of getting a whipping or a…paddling. Screaming in shock he shot up, and trying to wipe the chocolate his cheeks but spinning miserably like a dog chasing his tail. He ran in blind shock to Tommy, imploring his to help. **

**"Get it off! Get it off!"**

"He made me wipe his ass!" Tommy called.

"To be fair, you were wiping the air around his ass because he couldn't force your hand any further."

"What really happened to him?" Tommy asked genuinely.

"Are you really asking that?" He looked around, as if he was trying to see if I was talking to someone else. I do not know any one else the restaurant, asshole.

"Darius takes sexual harassment suits seriously. He got fired." Tommy gaped back at me as if it were news to him. "What did you think?"

"That he and Mason ran off."

"Mason hasn't left."

"That was a minor detail I overlooked." He told me before a woman came over to a small stage at the South end of the dining room, adjusting the microphone to her lips.

"Good evening everyone." She cooed softly, her voice flowing with the quiet ambience of the whole place, while a band set up around her. "This one goes out to all the star crossed lovers I see out there." She said with a lazy wink before the band gently crooned out a melody, her voice not yet meeting our ears.

Can anyone really see stars crossing? Because I would really love to be able to see that. Seriously, if I had three wishing, one would be to see star crossing paths. If they do that. I don't think they do. I have to ask Jamie.

As I pondered this I felt him watching me, a mischievous glint etched in his eyes and a coy smile playing on his lips.

"Dance with me, please?" He already asked me that.

"I can't there's a pistol in my pants. Lean back. Lean back."

I felt myself ruining the song that twinkled in my ears as I polluted the air with Fat Joe lyrics.

"I could frisk you." He suggested with a wiggly-giggly eyebrow. Except not, I'm just giggly and weird. I should not be enjoying this as much as I am.

"I could also challenge you to a _Pants off Dance Off_."

"I'd be down."

"I will be leaving if you ever say that again."

"Is that threat?"

"Make what you want of it."

"Ok…I'd be down."

"Where's my coat."

"You're not clothing yourself anymore."

"Are you hearing yourself?"

"My hearing drifts. In and out."

"Getting that old?"

"Come on the dance floor ain't getting any younger."

"I would say the same thing about you,"

"What's stopping you?"

"Well…nothing. You're not getting any younger Tom. I would stay out of the sun if I were you, those wrinkles give away that 24 year old jade that you've been trying to hide with every skin product Sephora has."

"What can I say? They play S Club 7 while I shop. I always had a thing for…"

"Paul?"

"Ha-ha-ha. No." He laughed a sarcastically dry laugh as his eyes rolled back in his head; I think he was physically trying to see which one he wanted to have sex with.

"Bradley?"

"What's with the gay jabs? I'm full hetero."

"If you mean hetero by metro, bordering homo with the amounts of hair gel that weigh down your head, then… I agree." He leaned across the table that seemed to be shrinking before my eyes, _Mindfreak _anyone, skipping his hand through the candle's dying flame before he looked at me with a small smile. I think I am going to pass out and get a concussion.

"Dance with me Jude."

"I have a better idea." I returned putting on the smile that Sadie taught me with I was twelve, God I hope it's sexier without the braces, and letting my hand drape across his. He merely raised his eyebrows in response as I let my nails delicately trace small circles around the back of his hand.

"Why don't we get out of here?"

"Mhmm." He muttered enthusiastically as I felt his lean in ever farther.

"Hop in the car. We can head south."

"Where?" He asked in a strangled whisper, scooting his chair into the table in attempts to make himself closer.

"We could go to the falls."

"Romantic." He agreed.

"And then, I could push you in." I finished loudly as I let my nail dig into his hand. He recoiled in surprise, quickly rubbing his hand in pain.

"God Jude." He groaned.

"What?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes to the ceiling as I played with my straw absently. I suddenly felt his hand come over mine, digging the straw into my hand uncomfortably.

"You're driving me crazy." He ground out. I have a feeling he didn't mean like in a _Melissa-Joan-Hart/Adrian-Grenier-Nineties-Chick-Flick _kind of way but I batted my eyelashes like I was Britney Spears in her virginal-Hit-Me-Baby era. What a simple time where it was sexy to slut up Catholic School girl uniforms and snap bubble gum in nuns' faces. Now I have to wear a slutty dress and heels that make Rue Paul feel sorry for me.

"Oops. Sorry, didn't mean to." I said in the same sickly sweet voice, flashing a smile at him.

"You have no idea." He said in a husked over whisper, making me gulp loudly. He scooted out of his chair and walked over to me, holding an arm out for me.

It seemed as though the song had waited for Tommy and Jude to start as the soft voice finally flowed to their ears.

_I know what I said  
was heat of the moment  
but there's a little truth in between __the words we've spoken_

Tommy lavishly draped his crooked arm out for Jude to take, feeling the light pressure of her hand on his forearm before he led them to the small dance floor. He looked down at her, the smile that grazed her lips made one reflect in his own eyes as he pulled her closer. He felt their breaths rise and fall together as her feet shuffled clumsily, awaiting his lead. He looked down at her, leaning his lips closely to her hear before unexpectedly spinning her away from his body in an unhurried twirl.

_It's a little late now to fix the heart that's broken  
Please don't ask me where I'm going  
Cause I don't know,  
no I don't know anymore_

The hemline of her dress billowed slightly around her legs, revealing ribbons of her skin to his eyes in the dimly lit building. He felt suddenly cold as she spun farther away so he pulled her back, thumping her roughly against his chest. "You can dance." He protested in her ear watching with satisfaction as she shivered when he pulled his hot breath from her skin before leaning down again. "You just need a strong lead." He finished before gripping the small of her back and guiding her into a languid dip, her head thrown back, her hair dangling uncaringly, her neck exposed to his hungry lips as she made her way back up.

_It used to feel like heaven  
used to feel like May_

She smiled devilishly from below him, making his lean into her once more. "Maybe you're right." She considered as she swayed herself with the music. She left him wordless. He didn't know what to make of the enigma that had become Jude Harrison.

_I used to hear those violins playing our strings, __like a symphony.  
Now they've gone away_

Day one, he thought he had pegged her to a mold. She had quickly discarded his first judgment with her final willingness to learn and to let her music grow.

_Nobody wants to face the truth  
but you wont believe what love can do_

Jude and Shay, he had pegged Shay, he thought he had solved Jude. That time neither had surprised him, but Jude abandoned the ways that Shay had taught her as a more jaded exterior emerged______

_Till it happens to you. __Till it happens to you._

Jude and Jamie. They confused the hell out of him and he felt bad for the little nerd when she finally crushed him. He could still remember his pathetic face as he sat on his porch that afternoon. In a daze, in shock, all things Tommy had become familiar with since he met Jude.

_Went to the old flat  
guess I was trying to turn the clock back  
how come that nothing feels the same now, __when I'm with you _

Jude during the studio debacle. He had known she would rough it out. Her resolve slipped, but he hadn't been the one to piece it back together. She had someone else for her while he had been trying to forget all the feelings that resurfaced that night outside her studio space. But it was true; he would always knock the door down. She had roughed it out and Tommy was still facing doors to get to her.

_We used to stay up all night in the kitchen,  
when our love was new.  
Oh love, I'm a fool to believe in you_

The triangle the Kwest dubbed: _Jodie_. She had tired to salvage the nightmare that had become _Sommy _and then shoved him into a hot tub. His mind had spun around that one until she finally sat him down and explained it. His jeans still didn't fit the same after the chlorine though.

_Cause I don't know.  
No I don't know,  
anymore_

Jude and Spied. Tommy had almost lost hope, thinking that Jude had finally found someone that could replace him. He had lost Sadie but he couldn't bring himself to really get in between Juderman. He was sorta afraid of what SME would do to his car and he didn't want to ruin anything else for Jude. She had amazed him when they broke it off, keeping a friendship intact._It used to feel like heaven.  
_

_It used to feel like may  
I used to hear those violins playing our strings, like a symphony_

She was always amazing him, throwing him for loops each time he thought had cleared a hurtle

_Now they've gone away,  
nobody wants to know the truth  
until their hearts broken_

He watched me closely as we swayed lightly to the beat, his eyes narrowing and widening every few moments. I thought he was trying to take off my dress with the will of his mind. Then I thought he was trying to relieve himself. Then I just stopped thinking about it and stared back at him. My view was quite nice. He finally opened his mouth, his gaze still unwavering. The song played to a soft close as I listened to the lyrics, letting them wash over me.

_Till it happens to you. __Till it happens to you. ____Till it happens to you. _

"You are a dying breed my dear." He sounds like the butler from _Clue_. And God I hate that game with a passion, I always feel like bashing Sadie's head in with a candlestick in the study every time she wins and does her victory dance. It's worse than the Izzie Stomp.

"What does that mean? I'd like to class myself under the whole _not-monkey _breed."

"That's a species."

"Hmm…do I believe the middle school drop out? Can anything you say really be taken seriously?" I quipped as he merely shrugged good-naturedly.

"I think that's a decision you have to make Ms. Harrison."

"Sway me. Impress me, Mr. Quincy."

"Sometimes I wonder if you, think about…what you're saying. About what you're doing. I wonder if you know what kind of effect you have on me."

"Give me a hint." I whispered as I leaned in, watching as I stole the breath that had been tickling past his lips. With his voice a rasp whisper he leaned in closer, hovering not even a centimeter from my lips.

"I think you must," he started his eyes hooded as he crept closer to me with shallow breaths barely heaving his chest, "have some idea." He finished, swaying me away from him as I spun with his twirling arm to the steady prattle of the conversations around us that mixed with the soft drum of the music that flowed from the mellowing hum of the band.

Is it bad that I can't breathe? Is it bad that he has such a hold on me and my necessary functions? I don't think it's good. In any way. I puffed out a tensed breath, hoping to expel a weight from my body but feeling it resurge.

"You are a pain in my ass Quincy." I told him after he had pulled me back into a close embrace. I watched his lips move without hearing anything the came from them, I was too damn busy trying to remember what they felt like against mine. His eyes narrowed again as one his hands found their way under my chin.

"Not kissing you every moment when I could have." He said with hints of regret lacing his tone and a marked sadness carved in his eyes. I looked at him questioningly for a moment, but then instantly an understanding flowed between us.

"Wanna know _my_ biggest mistake?" I asked him.

Dating Shay.

Lying about a boyfriend.

Over-reacting about the breakup that didn't have to be.

I ruined it for him and for myself.

I watched a knowing smile replenish itself on his features as his fingers made their way up to my lips. "Keep it your secret." He told me gently. Um, okay.

Except, N-ok.

I kinda have a feeling that he already knows that I lied. I don't know who told him or if the bastard deduced it on his own, but I'm pretty sure he knows. I'm like 85 percent sure. So I know that he knows. But he can't know, that I know, the he knows that I lied because then I would feel stupid. And yes, I am going to over look that I pulled a very pathetic _Friends/Jackie Burkhart _moment with the _know-train_. It was shameful but Quincy makes all situations exceptions. That's the rule so leave me alone.

_..O..o..O.._

The dinner had passed by with flowing conversation, searing looks and yucky tasting salad. What was I thinking when I let him order that nastiness? _Blech_. It could be his fault, but really it's my own. I refused to eat the soup he wanted to order, but I think he was secretly getting snails.

I can't even look at snails since Scruffy found one after it rained and crunched it in his mouth. And then pawed another one to death against the side of the garage. I think I'm going to vomit right now. I looked out the window, as the lanterns that lit the freeway illuminated the ground as we flashed past them.

The soft lyrics rang true in my ears the whole ride home as I stole glances at Tommy every few moments. I didn't want to believe in all the things I felt around him. All the things I felt about him. All the ways he made me laugh and all the ways he made me cry. But when I'm with him, there isn't even a use in denying any of it. It's too strong, like something takes over my body and my senses and my thoughts.

That's basically why I don't trust myself when he's around. Or when I'm thinking of him. I'm all haywire and bat shit crazy. And I can't help but think, maybe he did say all those things because he was afraid, not because he doesn't care about me or because he doesn't want to be with me. Maybe he really does want to be with me. I kinda…love him still.

"Tommy," I said into the warm silence. I DIDN'T MEAN TELL HIM THOUGH! I saw him look over at me, smiling down as one of his elbows fell from against the window as the hand took over the steering wheel while the other made its way down to grasp mine in his.

"I, um…" Ok, I _so_ can't do this. What do they always say in movies and it makes everyone in the whole theater groan at the stupidity…oh yeah! "I had a really nice time." I finished hurriedly as his grip seemed to slack from around my hand. I looked up, his features schooled into a vacant and hollow smile. Not what I was expecting either.

We pulled into my driveway, the silence completely maintained the whole time after my controlled impulse, as he killed the engine and scampered out to open my door for me.

"Why thank you, Mr. Quincy."

"Very welcome, Miss Harrison." He said with less humor in his voice than normal. I stopped at my doorstep looking to him expectantly. I watched as a light snow redusted over our footsteps in the driveway, the black asphault shining against the undriven snow. A few sleigh bells jingled into the otherwise silent night as my neighbors took their dog outside. I could feel Tommy watching me, probably debating his move just as I was.Ok I am so expecting a goodnight kiss and if I don't get one, I will be infinitely pissed.

"Quincy, if you don't kiss me, you can wave goodbye to that second date right now." I told him as he stepped in closer to me with a chuckle. I looked up to see him staring back at me with a heated expression.

"I can't say no to that."

"Only a fool would." I retorted as his lips crashed onto mine, taking them with an unbridled passion. Woaw, dude. I dragged my arms to his waist, tugging firmly, telling him that I wanted him closer. He obliged as my arms circled around his back, feeling the soft silk of his shirt billow in and out at my roaming trail until I found the back of his collar.

I snaked my hands across to the front, yanking and the tie and then stripping it away, neither of us caring as if fell to the ground. He groaned lightly into my lips, the vibration tickling me and stringing a giggle from my lips as I pulled at the buttons. I broke away, trying to find them in the dark and merely fumbling and pinching his skin. I gave up and threw my hands back around his neck, pressing his lips to mine again and I felt him guide me backwards.

His hands gripped my hips and he pushed me towards the siding of the house. I let him lead me but stumbled as I fell into a planter. Damn mom and her home gardening. Doesn't she know that it's completely pointless now in the working mother era? Oh wait…she works too. Well damn her and her super-mom complex. The hard marble fell off the porch as Tommy slid back over to me and a dog barked viciously in the distance.

Mood officially killed.

I awkwardly crossed my arms over my chest, a mean feat in this damn coat, as I searched for a string of words that made sense. "I should uh, probably go in. I think Kwest is waiting too." I mumbled to the ground and pointing vaguely in the direction of my door.

"Right." He agreed as I dug my hands into my pockets for the key, that I jangled into the lock. It spun against the key as I creaked the door open cautiously at the screams emitting from inside. I felt Tommy pull up against me, we watched in horror as the back of the couch fell the to ground, revealing a very _natural _Sadie and Kwest. Kwadie naked, anyone? …Yeah, I didn't think so.

"This is disturbing." I said finally.

"I can't look away." Tommy said, voicing my next statement.

"How does she bend like that?"

"When does he go the gym?"

"Yeah, his ass is quite…sculpted."

"It could break bricks!" Ok that's pushing it.

"This is hookage that poor couch will never forget. I have to burn that thing." I turned away from the door, blinking to get the sight of Kwest's naked ass out of my head as I slumped against a wall near the still open door. I saw Tommy's hand pop into my line of vision as he held it out for me.

"Come on."

"Where?"

"Don't you want that ice cream?" Um, yes.

"Do you think they'll be finished once we come back."

"If they're not, you can just come back to my place." I eyed him suspiciously.

"And I will sleep in the lobby. I can catch up with the door man…" I watched him search for the man's name, "…Zoltar?"

"That's the name of the genie from _Big _you idiot. His name is Jackson." I giggled out as I grasped his hand and heaved myself off the wall as he led me back to the car.

"I was close."

"In a _if-my-life-depended-on-it-I-would-die _kind of right."

"Well, duh."

"_Duh_?"

"Hey I'm cool. I'm down with your lingo."

"You sound like Philip Banks."

"And that's…" He asked.

"Did you even watch _The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air_?"

"Oh **him**!"

"Yeah, _him_."

"What about Will Smith? He light your fire much."

"Like you wouldn't believe." I professed as I threw my head against the seat dramatically. I fanned myself and debated panting before he finally laughed along with me. Expect Will is kinda hot. But I won't tell him that.

* * *

_Footnote: _Lyrics, aren't mine. They're Corrine Bailey Rae's to the song _Till it Happens to You_. I love love love her and I totally recommend her album to everyone, it's not really pop-y but it has pop-y beats that give me the overwhelming need to snap my fingers. lol, I'm kidding...sorta. I'm not really sure if the lyrics really flow or if it was the best song to choose, so if you guys have any opinions, please leave them! I love to hear what you guys think and I'm basically addicted to the feedback. Ok, I swear this is all but who doesn't want to review now? ;o) I have no shame lol.


	13. Nightfall of Diamonds

Oh how I love all of you! I'm so glad you liked the date, I think I rewrote half of their conversations like four times. So I was going to skip ahead to the end of the night with this chapter but instead we get a little peek into Tommy's family. I'm a quarter Italian, but I have shamed my roots because I had to use like fourteen online translators. I always hate them because they're so literal so I used all different ones and then I looked up Italian proverbs and then I conjugated a few verbs by myself with this little conjugation table I found. Anywho, long story a little less long, we meet the Italian side of Tommy's family and I'm making Tommy's dad full blood Italian and his mother full blood French. I don't know if those cultures clash too much for that to even be possible, but whatever I didn't even introduce the parents. Before I go right into the chapter, I have to thank you guys for all of your awesome reviews and wonderful words! Especially

**Kimberlli **((lol, I'm so glad you liked the Sadie and Kwest hookage. I was picturing it the whole time I was writing and it was terrifying lol.))

**tommys21 **((That is exactly what I did the whole time I was watching Dead Man's Chest. Well not on my own, because that would be really weird, I was with like eight friends lol. One time we almost got kicked out of Harry Potter. It would have been funny if I hadn't been so scared. I was petrified thatI was going to get ban for the theater lol. I live in Sephora, it is my world lol. I found some S Club 7 on Limewire, ok fine I went looking for it, and I love listening to it because I still remember all the lyrics. It's funny yet disheartening that I couldn't fill my brain with something more useful lol.))

**Tayna05801 **((I wish I had a Tommy lol. He would make my life complete lol.))

**smileon **((I'm glad you thought the lyrics fit well, I was kinda stressing about that lol. hehe, I always think dancing is totally dreamy. And I think Tommy is totally dreamy teehee))

**Tommy4eva **((Oh eighties dance moves, I am forever indebted to them. Especially the moonwalk. Unless that's seventies but I don't know. Damn you Wes! Except the break dancers on _So You Think You Can Dance _are always my favorite lol. Hehe, the story loves you back! lol, that was weird to type.))

**lileigh760 **((lol, my family thinks there's something wrong with me because sometimes I talk out loud while I type and they're like "Who is Liam?" they know of my obsession but they've only been aquainted with the first season because I yelled at them if they came in and talked during the second one lol. But I'm glad you liked the update and Nathan lol!))

**Duddley111 **((Oh I would so marry the fresh Prince, just so I could be the fresh Princess lol. I'm so glad you liked it!))

**scott4eva **((I'm so glad you liked the update!))

**jackjackio **((I think I've heard the bend observation on TV and it was my subsconcious telling me that I have unresolved issues with me...bendiness. lol, I am so jealous of Kiera that it's not even funny. And I feel like I am the only one on Earth who supports the whole Elizabeth/Jack pairing. I would love for them to get together. Johnny's old but not _that _old, even though there's more separation between us than with Tommy and I...Tommy or Jack...Tommy or Jack. I really lovethat I only look at the charactersand notJohnny and Tim. Idon't knowif I would pick JohnnyDepp only because he's kinda weird.Oh I love the babble! I adore the babble! And I love string cheese, it'sso fun to play with lol.))

**romanma32 **((Aw, I am so glad you like it so much!))

**Judeh05 **((I have only encountered one person who doesn't find Tim appealing and she's not speaking to me. I think I ended my rant with 'and you're not even that pretty anyway' and then I regretted it because that just mean. lol, I'm going to marry him. I'm convinced. If E.J. and the Viper are in season 3 I would be the happiest person alive. I am in love with the Viper and Tommy in the Viper. The only thing I love more is Tommy on the motorcycle. If I had to choose between the two I think I would have to pick...the motorcycle. Wow, that was a hard decision. I loved the entire episode with White Lines. They could have ended the season there and I would have been mildly satisfied, I can never be completely satisified with any season finale unless I hate the show then I'm just glad it isn't polluting my TV karma. I think Captain Jack is the only hot pirate alive, the others are fat and have missing teeth and wait...there aren't any pirates alive. That was one of my more intelligent moments in life. If Tommy were gay then I would just have to laugh. That would have to be the most brilliant plot twist in the world. Seriously I would sit in front of my TV and laugh my ass off lol.

**Latisha C **((I just love to watch people fall, especially their faces. It has the be the most humorous thing in the entire world. They tuck their lip between their teeth and their nostrils flare...Spied does that a lot on the show too. If anyone said that about my dad I would have to hide in a whole for at least twenty years and never look at him again. I would burn my eyes out. I've only witnessed two guys wear eyeliner in real life. As for the movies, the only way I take my Depp is with his liner. But I think Mason would be a pretty girl...maybe. I haven't given it enough thought yet. Click was really good, with a deep message that kinda ruined the funny sometimes. Because you'd be laughing and then it's like 'oh, he's a workaholic and his family hates him, that sucks...' but the son grown up was really hot. I'm so glad you liked the update!))

You guys are simply wonderful and now, on with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 13: _Nightfall of Diamonds_

"Where do you wanna go?" I asked lightly, with my head turned to look out the window to see the glistening snow dripping from tree branches and swirling with the twinkles of Christmas lights outside. _Nightfall of Diamonds _anyone? Ugh, I knew listening to those Grateful Dead albums with my dad would screw me up somehow. I looked back at him, a secret smile playing on his face, his face illuminated even in the dark, as he down shifted and turned to look at me.

"I have a place in mind." He said mysteriously.

"Seriously, the whole Sean Connery thing is _so _played out. Just tell me."

"What do you mean the _Sean Connery thing_? So you do think I'm more like James Bond than Kwest?"

"I am not answering that."

.o.o.o.

"Tom…" I whimpered, holding my nose in the air and sniffing like a hound dog and staring at him with wide-eyed horror, "it smells like…pee." I finished with feigned tears. I do not want to smell piss when I'm eating ice cream. That is the most unpleasant prospect in the world, other than kissing T-Bone again…which is slightly eminent but whatever. He bent down lightly, his hand finding its newly familiar place on the small of my back, and whispered to me with a smile in his voice.

"Trust me Jude."

What if I just said no? Like, what would he do? Would he be offended or …cry. Or would he be mad. I just have no way of gauging his reaction. I merely rolled my eyes lightly as the back door swung open, the metal banging viciously against the dirty, chipping tiles that made up the walls.

You know in those horror movies when one of the characters finally sees the monster or the devil or whatever was terrorizing them in the first place and they scream right before their inevitable death since they were only a side character anyway? …I dunno, something about this moment made me think of that.

I turned my head to look and my gaze was met with one of the most unattractive men I have ever seen, in all seventeen years of my existence. A stained white apron was straining to stay tied around the girth of his stomach, that rivaled the spans of George O'Malley's forehead. Various splatters of mysterious stains dirtied the white t-shirt that struggled the hold the width of his arm inside. The counter was too high for me to see the rest of him, but if I had to guess I would say his pants are …well I have no idea what they would look like since it's not entirely in the realm of possibility that he even _has _pants on. An unshaven, scraggly 5-moons-ago shadow seemed to eat away at his face and chins while the light reflected off his bald spot, piercing a shot of light against the windows.

It reminded me of that whole stage with Jamie when he tried to catch sunlight with the face of his watch and then shine it in people's faces at every moment the sun was up. He cried when I told him that he was making the Sun burn out. And then he really cried when Spied stomped on his watch and crushed the glass into the bottom of his bare foot. It's really astounding that he isn't dead by now, I didn't know people could actually get by in life without thinking. But I guess he's surprisingly living proof.

I felt bile rising in my throat as the man's hand reached under the apron and t-shirt to scratch himself in places where I'm sure the sun doesn't shine. Like there is no doubt that the rays of Sun cannot breach the barriers to get there. There is no possible way.

"Tommy, I am leaving right now."

"Aw, don't be so judgmental Princess."

"Oh shut up. You're telling me that the King of all obsessively compulsive cleanliness has actually been here before."

"Let's just say they're like family." He told my cryptically as Tony-Soprano-in-training's face lit up before he raced from around the counter towards Tommy.

"Oh my God! Tommy **run!**" I screamed as I watched the man lunge himself at Tom. I shot out a death grip in hopes to save him, but when I cracked an eyelid open I saw the two hugging. So he's going for…smothering?

"Ah passerotto!" The man cried fondly into the embrace before pulling away. So I'm guessing that wasn't a battle cry…

I watched the two pull away, Tommy smiling with his whole body and the other smiling reminiscently, his eyes staring and hand over his mouth in surprise, his leaning posture to see all of Tommy from a hovering distance.

They're related.

I shuffled, not uncomfortably, but feeling as if I were intruding on a reunion of sorts so I just stared at my shoes. I heard muffled greetings in Italian and broken English until Tommy came over, wrapping an arm languidly around my shoulders.

I looked up with a small smile, holding a hand out for the man to shake but the formality was hurled out the window as enveloped me in a binding hug. Dude, I so cannot breathe right now and it's not only because you smell like…_meat_. If I die in this hug, it will be the most shameful death ever recorded in the history books. And I don't think he's doing it on purpose, so maybe he'll only get a man slaughter charge…

"Eh, zio! Non penso che lei può respirare." Tommy called out as I felt the man's grip loosen before he let go of me completely. I fell into Tommy, his arm finding its way back around my shoulders reassuringly as Tommy held out another arm towards the guy. Seriously I need a new name for this guy.

See, _the man_, _the guy_, _the Tony Soprano_. This better be an introduction.

"Jude, this is my uncle Bernardo." He told me before the hand swept back a pointed towards me.

"Zio, this is Jude." He said slowly, annunciating and elongating every letter in my name so much that it sort of didn't sound like a word any more.

_J-uuu-**D**-e_.

Whatever. But finally, a name! He has a name! So it's not Tony or Pauly or Junior Bruno or …The Godfather. Those would have been my first guesses.

I thought about throwing my hand back in his face but I knew better because I didn't want another hug. Bernardo looked back at Tommy with smiling eyes. "La bella, ella é tuo…_dolce metà_?" He asked, his eyebrows wagging. Um, I definitely wanna know what he just said. Like right now.

I looked up to Tommy questioningly who laughed with his uncle, sending a small look that he thought I couldn't see. I watched an understanding pass through the two before the back door swung open again, revealing someone more believably in Tommy's lineage.

A sculpted nose, chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, and confident swagger…am I seeing a twin here?

But as he approached the little powwow I saw one difference, icy green eyes but differing only in color from Tommy's.

"Thomas?" He called out with a deep set, growling voice that seemed to purr out words rather than say them.

"Enzo?" Tommy asked as he turned, taking in the other one. A silent moment ticking by before the two broke into laughing grins before each wrapped an arm around the other's shoulder, each hand clasping the other back forcefully. Tommy pulled away first, turning to me and also giving me a full view of _Enzo_.

And _my God _the Quincy men are gorgeous.

Except, I guess Enzo isn't a Quincy. I watched his eyes flicker over me, in a respectfully staring kind of way that didn't make me want to button up my coat to my neck and become a nun. Our eyes locked a moment, no connection, but he was still nice to look at. Tommy cleared his throat loudly brushing his arm around me once more, but this time I felt him staking his territory. Hehe this is so fun.

"Jude this is my cousin Vinny. Vinny this is Jude." I burst out laughing in the face of these clearly and proudly Italian men, not being able to help myself. _My Cousin Vinny_, seriously?

**S****eriously**? Is this a large cosmic joke for watching _Kill Bill_ instead of _Snow Dogs_ that one time? They all looked at me like I had been beamed down from a land where laughing in strangers faces was appropriate before I snuffed my giggles and apologizing.

"Sorry. It's just…uh, never mind." I said quietly before Vinny let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I've seen the movie. I get that a lot."

"You mean people laugh at you a lot?" I asked lightly, threading another chuckle out of him.

I heard Tommy shift next me, as Bernardo tried to wrench the coat off my shoulders. "È freddo fuori! Siccome la casa brucia, riscaldiamoci." He called out before ushering Tommy, Vinny and I behind the counter.

With Vinny in front of me I watched his arm sweep out to hold the door open as he guided me past it with a smile. I graciously took a step past it but jumped a foot in the air when Vinny got sucked behind the small line. I looked back to see Bernardo gripping his collar, menacing growls leaving his lips.

"Is he in trouble?" "Jude. He's twenty-two and working at his father's ice cream shop by and living with his parents by night. He's always in trouble."

"You make him sound like a super-hero."

"Super hero's have less sex."

"I thought you said he lives at home."

"He does." Tommy said with a slight pout that vanished once realization dawned.

"Ew." _Failure to Launch _anyone?

.o.o.o.

"Ti voglio bene Thomas! No siete estraneos." Bernardo called after us once more as I clutched my cone tightly with one hand and latched myself to Tommy with the other, no wanting to slip or get lost.

I have lived in Toronto all my life, but Jesus, this city is enormous. We were in the heart of Little Italy and I realized that all the times I had gone with my family we had only fleeted on the minor outskirts and there was actually seventeen blocks to its heart. "What did he say?" I asked through the chattering of my teeth.

"He says not to be strangers." Tommy told me.

"Oh." I muttered softly as my feet crunched in the snow. After a few moments of comfortable silence I felt Tommy stop walking so I halted my own steps as I looked up to see a small alcove of trees and between the evergreen branches I saw a small bench. We walked down a cleared path and Tommy plopped himself down before reaching out an arm and shepherding me next to him. I snuggled beneath his arm, resting against his side as I took baby licks of my ice cream.

"Any bugs?" Tommy asked me.

"Nope." I returned lightly as I felt him expel a breath of air into the night.

"Good." He breathed. Um, hello, he better be kidding.

"I don't see how you can eat that. It's literally below freezing out here." "I can't believe you can miss out on this ice cream with your latte." I snorted back.

"Don't scoff at the latte. They get you through the morning. And I grew up with that ice cream, it's not like I missed out forever." "Yes about that, what _was _your last name?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"_Picciano_." Tommy returned in perfect Italian that made me swoon.

"Say it again." I asked through a grin.

"_Picciano, mi amor_." He purred, snuggling a hand inside the pocket of my coat.

"So why did you change it?" "Darius said that Bruno could be the only remotely Italian one, so I took my mother's name."

"Going against the family? I would think The Godfather taught you better than that." I chided lightly.

"I'm sorry if I'm the only man on the Earth that doesn't feel the need to watch Marloon Brandon croak out more lines than he can handle." I gasped.

"Take that back."

"No way."

"The only aspect of The Godfather that one can legitimately criticize is Coppola. Both of them. Sofia for existing, and Francis for the third movie for casting her."

"I blame Coppola for all of them."

"Blasphemy! You're gonna get killed one of these days. I bet those twinkle lights are tapped." I felt him chuckle deeply beneath me as he shifted his cup into the hand away from me and other fell to the top of my head.

"So where are your parents now?"

"Ma mère has family in the Loire Valley so I'm guessing somewhere around there."

"You don't know?" I asked lightly, knowing the sense of _not _knowing where a parent is.

"Bernardo and Enzo and Stella were more like immediate family than anyone else."

"Stella?"

"Bernardo's wife, Vinny's mom, my aunt." I let out a soft '_ah_' of understanding as I felt his fingers tracing strands, lightly following the length of them to my temple before crawling back to the top and starting over. I sighed contently but wanting to wrap my arms around him. I impatiently sat up straight holding my cone out to him like I was ten.

Actually I was acting like Jamie when he was ten and had a neurosis about ice cream. It wasn't my fault that time it was Sadie and Spied's. Sadie was twelve, Spied, Jamie and I were ten that summer and Sadie had walked with us ice cream because we had been bugging my mom. Once we got there Spied made Jamie order the rhubarb flavor, which is meaner than pushing someone in front of a bus.

Because _ew_, who wants rhubarb ice cream?

And who even thought of making rhubarb ice cream?

And who orders rhubarb ice cream enough that they keep it in stock?

"**Do it Jamie-a. Do it. Do it! Do it! Do it!" Spied chanted into the small parlor, irritating the old people who were trying to ward off their brain freezes. Whatever, they shouldn't be eating ice cream; they should be eating strained prunes or whatever. Ok that was mean. Sorry Grandma. I take it back. **

**"I hate rhubarb." **

**"Have you ever even tried rhubarb?" Sadie spat meanly. She had hated Jamie since he walked in on her peeing three days ago. Before she tolerated him, now she's like…evil. **

**"Well no, but, I don't…" **

**"Don't judge a book by its cover, Jamie. If other people did then you wouldn't have any friends." **

**"Sadie." I whined as I kicked her in the shin with my mud-caked shoe. **

**Once it was our turn in line Sadie took the liberty of ordering for all of us, knowing what Spied and I wanted, "and a sugar cone with rhubarb for the gawky one." She said with a sweet smile and a finger pointed at Jamie. **

**"That was really mean Sadie." I told her indifferently as I licked the dripping vanilla from my fingers. We all watched in anticipation as Jamie tentatively licked the bulbous scoop from the top. He immediately winced and thrust the cone away from his face. **

**"Get it away! Get it away!" He demanded, shoving the cone into Spied's hands and running to the bathroom. **

**"What is he doing?" Sadie asked in disgust. **

**"I guess wiping his tongue." Spied said with a shrug and followed me to the table. "I don't wanna hold this anymore." He whined at me. "Then don't." I told him as Jamie came back from the bathroom dejectedly. **

**"Now my tongue tastes like paper." He said sullenly, standing in front of us at the table. ****"Can I have another one?" He asked Sadie as Spied snuck Jamie's cone full of rhubarb ice cream on the last vacant chair. **

**"Yea. Just sit down while I get some money." Sadie huffed as Spied and I giggled sneakily. Jamie plopped forcefully against the metal of the chair, the coldness and sharpness of the end of the cone impaling him in the ass. He immediately let out a shrill scream into the room, jumping up and trying to wipe the purple mess from the back of his cargo pants. **

**"Rhubarb." He said, tears falling swiftly against his cheeks. **

He was kinda like Nathan, but kind of not since it wasn't his fault. It was Spied's fault.

"I don't want any more."

"You just yelled at me for not wanting any."

"I didn't yell. And I'm full now."

"Then throw it away."

"Throw it away?" I gasped out, thrusting the cone closer to his face.

"Throw it away." He repeated more firmly.

"No!" I huffed out indignantly. "Eat it for me."

"Jude, its too cold."

"Please eat it for me."

"Just throw it away Jude."

"No eat it for me."

"I don't want to."

"Please. There's only a little bit left. It's like two licks." I watched him sigh, and I knew I was wearing at his resolve. "Pretty please?" I whispered as I leaned against him, touching my lips to his for a moment, ignoring the sizzling spark like a seasoned pro, before pulling away to see his eyes closed and his lips still slightly puckered. "With sugar on top." I continued in a soft whisper, feeling his arms wrap around me against, my lips hovering inches from his again.

"Kiss me." He whispered gently.

"Will you eat it for me?" I bargained.

"Yes." He breathed as I popped away, jumping off the bench.

"I never said wh-en." I called out in a singsong voice, hopping from one foot to another. He grumbled some more before he snatched the cone from my hands.

"If I get frost bite,"

"Then, I'll never kiss you. So …eat it in the car." I proposed with a smile to myself. Hehe, this is so fun. I wonder if he'll do it.

"Are you insane?"

"If I'm insane, then you're anal. Oh wait…I guess I must be insane." I giggled out as he let out a sarcastic _ha-ha-ha_. "You would risk frost bite for a car?" I gasped in feigned surprise and he munched on the sugary cone.

"What can I say? She's a babe magnet." He quipped back with a wag of his eyebrows. My shoulders slumped slightly at the mention of other girls, my lips involuntarily jutting out in unhappiness.

"Do they know how attached you are to the car?"

"Well I wouldn't have to tell them that."

"You're right. Just bring them to the studio and I can tell them about the time you tried to have sex with it."

"That was a dare!" He shouted incredulously.

"They don't need to know that." I sang as I raced out of the tucked corner of trees, the lights whizzing past my eyes. I heard his steady patter behind me, without being able to hasten my own pace.

Damn these shoes, they are my enemy! They are _the _enemy.

He caught up with me a few steps later, throwing his arms around the bulk of my coat and pulling my back against his torso. "When do I get that kiss?"

"Let me surprise you." I returned as I spun around within his arms and holding him in a hug.

"Do you want to take me home?" I whispered in his ear.

"I should." He whispered back, a hand traveling from around my waist up to my ear, his fingers tracing a path around the outline and dipping to dance against my jaw.

"But you don't have to." I heard myself telling him. I pulled away as he grasped my hand, leading us back to the car. Snow piled faster and harder as I jumped into the car, buckling myself and cranking the heat in attempts to warm my freezing ass. "So I finally get to see the famous Quincy pad?"

"Whose made it famous?" He asked as he concentrated intently on the slick roads.

"Besides _you_, Kwest. He's told me stories. I like to think of him as my own private _Entertainment Tonight_." "I encourage you to tell him that. Call him Mary Hart too." I chuckled lightly into the car, picturing his fit at the insinuation of his womanhood.

"What has he told you?" Tommy asked. Um, things that I shouldn't know.

"I'll warn you now not to use any lines you have fed to other girls because I know them all now."

I told him, not revealing that I knew about the time he couldn't get it up for a model. Or the time he called out Jane Seymour with Sadie. Those are for something bigger and the latter is just disgusting and I don't ever want to actually have to say that.

Sadie told me with disdainful delight. I think those stories came spilling out…three hours after the break up. She is so vindictive that I am almost envious.


	14. You Can Play These Songs With Chords

Ok, please don't hate me. Please? Pretty please? I was kinda stuck with this chapter for a while and then my brother's engagment party came up faster than I had realized and the party-planning bug seemed to bite everyone in my family's ass. I was stuck cleaning and buying and decorating and what-not, plus volley-ball conditioning started this week. I'm increasingly competative because there's this other girl on the team, who I kinda hate and so I've been practicing and running and all that jazz.

It's not really that fun so I made myself sit down and write this chapter. Nothing too, too, too juicy. Just some good-old fashioned Jommy lovin'. Except I added a little twist at the end. I'm not sure if I'll work it into the plot. It's kinda up in the air right now.

Anywho, randomness because I just miss rambling to you guys. I have found a new obsession, since IS is on the off-season and whatever, and it is: _Life with Derek. _Quite a fun little obsession I have going for myself, I really love the fics I've been reading. I totally recommend going over to their category and checking a few out. And watching the show. Because the actor who plays Derek is pretty hot. Actually he's really hot and I just get sucked in when there are hot guys involved. I can't help it hehe.

Hey, more randomness. I'm pretty sure that I stopped Bang Theory at 14 chapters.Maybe13, I'll have to go check, but woohoo we passed a milestone! I reallyhave to thank you guys for sticking with me during this ridesofar, it's been fairly insane. But really,your wonderful support really keeps this story going and we have to thank you. The we is me and the story. I decided that I'll make it semi-human since I'm perputally thinking about it.

I'm pretty verbose tonight because I OD'ed on VH1 and dark chocolate. And don't mess around with that velvety darkness, it's hardcore. Like beyond belief. Actually my stomach kinda hurts, but really I'm a surivor. I don't know why I feel the need to break out in Beyonce lyrics but in this chapter I busted out a few JT lyrics from his new single or whatever. I remember the era that I would have died to meet NSync, I'm not even kidding you. And I'm a little heartbroken over Lance. He was my favorite for the last two months and I always maintained the notion that I would marry him, but I guess I can't. I dedicated my myspace to him for a few hours and then I felt stupid so I changed it. I think his boyfriend was a constetant on Amazing Race or something.

Before I continue any farther, I must thank :

**NotAContrivance **for the awesome shoutout in chapter 30! I love knowing that people love my stories hehe.

**Tommy4eva **((Damn him and his sneaky dance moves! I am determined to teach myself the moonwalk. I'll tell you how that goes, but I'm pretty sure it won't. I'm so glad you like the story!))

**Tayna50801 **((lol, Tommy might have to take you up on that kiss hehe. I'm so glad you liked it!))

**Judeh05 **((Oh, the wondrous images of Tommy shirtless, in any kinda of car. But I could totally see him shirtless and ripped, in a truck with lumber in the hatch after he chopped down trees all day in the hot Sun. Too much? Yes. Too stalkerish? Yes. Hehe, but I love it that way. Tason…that is extremely intriguing, I really won't lie. Except then I would be outraged because in the end, I want Tommy to be straight. And with me lol. But if the press thought he was gay then his whole fan base would think he was gay and then I would really have him all to myself. Well I would share him with you since it was your idea. But we would have to keep it on the down low lol. I have a confession, I never saw Failure to Launch. I just saw all the previews. I really wanted to and I think it looked semi hilarious and Matthew is hotter than the surface of the Sun so that's a reason in itself. There is a reason The Wedding Planner is one of my favorite movies of all time lol. I can definitely supply an ice cream cone for you and Tommy. The kiss sounds even better lol. Actually I would never eat ice cream again if I could kiss him lol. I'm obsessed lol.))

**Alexzgirl1 **((I am so jealous! Pure isn't being released in the US at all. I don't see why, its not healthy to keep Tim away from his crazed fan lol. You're very right, February is better than no season three at all. I can't even imagine how much I would cry if we didn't get season 3. Jamie is so unstable that my head spins. I hated him from NSTB until Miss World. He was so mean in I Fought the Law that I really felt the need to kill him off. Oh I love Little Italy's and Little Venice's, the atmosphere is the best I could even imagine and the food is unbelievable! Hehe, I'm so glad you have it in Germany, I feel bad for anyone who doesn't have one/been to one! I so cannot see Darius as a Bibi but now I must go rent that movie. I can't help it, I kind of stalk the whole cast hehe. Random days are so fun lol.))

**Duddley111 **((I'm so glad you love it! I really appreciate your reviews so much! Actually they leave me with a dopey smile, but who's counting hehe.))

**Latisha C **((I really don't understand why subways stink so much. I think people need to just not ride a few days before I do because it always smells like ass and sweat and pee and it's disgusting. Failure to Launch did have Matthew in it, I don't even try to spell his name I just pass out from all the exertion on my brain, but I didn't see it. I am so wishing I had now. Really because I'm in love with Matthew and because I heard it was funny. I'm all for laughing, really I am. Rhubarb is, I'm guessing, what the devil has to taste like. Rhubarb is the devil. I'm pretty sure Sadie will have more stories about Tommy, really because I love emasculating him to no end lol. I'm so glad you liked the update so much!))

**romanma32 **((I think my obsession with the inner workings of pop culture is a little unhealthy. I find myself scanning to VH1 immediately and pausing to watch _The Fabulous Life Of… _People spend so much money that it's an obscenity. And I'm obsessed with The World Series of Pop Culture and really, I know nothing. I know like one third of the answers lol. I really wanted to go in depth on the Quincy pad but I figured that Jude is tired this chapter and she can snoop in the next one hehe. I always pictured his house lavish and super modern and clean. Other than that I really have to plan it out lol. I feel slightly bad for Jamie but somehow I can't muster that much sympathy for him because things always work out for him at the end of the day. I'm glad you liked the update! ))

**smileon **((I like to torture Jamie. There has to be a reason that he goes after girls who are either so vindictive/not into him/crazy and I'm just blaming Jude and Spied during his childhood lol. I think sarcastic Tommy is incredibly hot and there needs to be more of him because he's rarely sarcastic in the show. Actually I just want more of him period. I think there should be a Tommy spin-off and it's just clips of him all the time. Speaking…maybe. For time to seldom time hehe.))

**xTamarax **((Enzo/Vinny is currently up for grabs. But I'll keep him safe just for you hehe. The MasterCard are obscenely addictive, I find myself putting my own situations into MasterCard scenarios. And I always have to tweak something to make it more fun, like the movie less sucky and the guy less ugly. The Break Up is the worst movie ever I tell you. It should be kept away from the masses. I'm kinda running low on plot ideas, so I'm pretty much going to drag it out as long as I can. I'm thinking next chapter is the Christmas song recording, shopping for dress…and then my thoughts stop lol. But you can definitely put that call to Dr. House on hold. Unless you don't want to because he's so handsome. I think I'm feeling a little woozy right now lol.))

**scott4eva **((It's a little thing people call _insanity _lol. Some things I pull for my actual life, other stuff I just fathom and after I write I sort of wonder what's the matter with me. Lol, I kid. But I am so glad you like it!))

**VilandraofAntar **((I have such an array of cousins that I hate so much, it has so be a sin against humanity. A 17 year-old who whines like a 3 year-old, you have my sympathies. I kinda tune my family out and sing songs to myself. I think I was singing a really dirty one just like my little form of rebellion. I heart My Cousin Vinny, I think everyone should see that movie, in the whole world. I'm so glad you liked the updates!))

**hmgirl8192 **((Aw, I'm sorry you got sick! I don't think there is anything worse than getting sick during the summer _and _on vacation! I hope you're feeling better. If it were the school year, I would give you a few tips to lengthen an illness. Not that they actually work, but I like to think they do. I have the same situation, my parents love the Sopranos. I really have a choice, to either watch that with my parents of baseball with my younger brother. I can't really demand they change it because it was start a riot lol. I got sorta hooked and then there was just too much violence to be enjoyable lol. I would love to really see what the writers come up for Tommy's family what with the baby drama and such. It's crazy lol, I just really _really _hope it's not his daughter lol.))

**latex-and-steel **((Aw, I'm so glad you liked Bang Theory too! I vote insanity, life is always much more fun like. I have a pair of crazy glasses if you'd like lol. Lol, I'm so glad you like my stories so much! Oh and I thought of a quote for you and it just slipped my mind…damn it! Oh wait, I remember: _Speak of the Copper Tone devil. _Hehe, I love that line.))

**pixiestix16 **((Dance Off Pants Off is possibly the meanest/funniest show on Earth. I think my brother tuned into the same episode of you and he had to tell me all about for hours. And then he imitated the dance. Gross. Silent laughter is the most painful thing in the world and most of the time I can't make myself be quiet enough and I burst out really really loudly. And it's usually when someone is yelling at me and then they get even angrier and then the situation is so not funny and I can't see an end to my laughter. It's a vicious cycle. Hehe, _marvy, _I love that word. New favorite word! I can't stop the dirty thoughts that come with I think of _Failure to Launch, _where else is my mind supposed to go? I am in such a gutter. Kwest is a font of info, the whole Frozen thing for instance. Well that bit Jude in the ass. Big time, but he meant well lol. I'm so glad you heart my story lol!))

**MelMel8215 **((I'm so glad you like it! Thanks so much for the review!))

You guys are my rocks and I am devoted to you forever. I am not even kidding. Anywho, I really promise to stop now and get on with the chapter. But btw-I tried to make it a little longer in usual to compensate for the wait.

* * *

Chapter 14: _You Can Play These Songs With Chords_

"_I Am Not My Hair,_ Quincy." _Konvict remix_, bitch. Sorry, I think I'm a thug when in reality I'm just an outpatient.

"I realize that, but I was just wondering." He told me as the elevator pinged at the third floor.

I seriously didn't know that elevators still actually did that; I thought it was just in old movies. And movies with crap ass plot lines that always force the main characters together in an elevator and they fight or there's obscene sexual tension and the director tries to make a point of something and he puts in that annoying _ding! _that disrupts the uptight atmosphere that always ensues in every scene with an elevator and I jump out of my seat. And then people are like _Jude, what is wrong with you_? And I have to come back with something witty or mean or witty _and _mean, which I do without realizing sometimes. And when I can't think of anything but Will Ferrell jabs, I feel pressured to come back with such a burn that they will never think twice about fearing all things Jude Harrison.

But I digress…who's surprised here? I will hit whoever raises their hand; seriously it will be painful. I slumped back, letting my head fall against the mirror at the fond of the compartment, contemplating his words.

Why _had _I dyed my hair? "Well let me counter your question with another: Why do you ask?" I posed, trying to tiptoe my way around the question until I had moved us so far away from the topic that he wouldn't remember that he asked me. I am so sly that it's profane.

"What a nice little subject change. Well played Harrison, well played." Well, duh, I'm not going to tell him because _he _was basically the reason I changed it.

Well I changed it on tour, but that was only because first I had dyed it with Kool-Aid because Spied said it would a bonding thing, even though I was the only one with purple-y hair.

(Wally said that Kirby _wouldn't be too happy about his change without prior consultation _and Kyle was plastered his ass off from wine coolers and I didn't want to smell his drunk-boy breath).

And then I got a screaming phone call from an outstandingly irate E.J. (previous to her departure slash absence thing, which lasted like five or six months before she was back like a raging bull in a china shop) and she asked what the hell was on my head. And then I told her to get a new TV because there was nothing wrong with my head. And then…I may have called her old and told her to get her eyesight checked and then _hung up_.

And I had to fix it; so SME and I all went to a local drugstore, (Which had to be one of the sketchiest places I have ever been in, besides the rehearsal space. Some weirdo told me he was the night manager and that all females entering after nine o'clock had to take their tops off for the security camera and then some guard jumped on him and they fell into a heaping mess) then I didn't know which color matched my real hair and I picked the wrong bottle. But I really liked my hair when it was a lighter red, it didn't remind me so much of a stop sign and it didn't hurt my eyes when I woke up. Whatever.

I looked over at Tommy to see him mocking lightly, pressing his fingers to his palm in an inaudible clap. Spied did that for like two years because he thought it was the funniest thing this side of a mountee's ass when really _he_ was just a pompous arse. I like saying arse, it's going into my arsenal of hurtful words. I really love how mean I am; it gives me a little bit of joy in my life. I felt him looking at me for a response to his first question, but I have new for you buddy: that is one thing I will not divulge…

If he doesn't stop that clapping I am gonna hit him with a golf club. And then I just might laugh and throw him into the docks and let Pauly do his job for once, instead of terrorizing his crippled aunt who posed as his mother his whole life when, in actuality, his mother was a nun. I need to step away from the TV and never look back.

Unless of course Pauly doesn't show up because he wants to disrupt Tony in during his time of physical strain and Tiger Woods comes in his place. But instead of Tommy getting whacked, Tiger will just beat me to death in the name of all things golf and then I will forever regret the day that I misused a scared golf club. Have I mentioned that I am in search of a physiatrist with deep knowledge of Freud's teachings? I think that is the only way I can be helped.

"I am a master at many things." I told him with a wiggle of my eyebrows. Yes, I am the master of double entendres; I think an awards ceremony is in the works. If I am not the guest of honor and Spied is, I will never cease to throttle him. And if Tommy chooses to be a perv and take the suggestive side of my double-edged comment, those are his words for a priest. His _Confessions_.

DAMN YOU USHER!

I can't escape him ever, either I'm thinking of his songs or being compared to his abs…which isn't such a bad thing but whatever.

Tommy chuckled lightly and let his hands droop over my covered shoulders as I felt his fingers dance at the collar. "We could totally pull a _Merder_ right now." I told him as I watched a four illuminate on the wooden panel above us. I felt Tommy look over at me with a puzzled look. He totally needs to get with the _Grey's Anatomy_ program or he will never get any ass. Seriously. "Meredith and Derek." I told him slowly and watched realization dawn over his features as a smile broke out. He opened his mouth again; I could already hear his suggestively tempting proposition so I stopped him.

"I was kidding. I'm not gonna make out with you in an elevator."

"But _I _could make out with _you_."

"That's still mutual."

"Well then you just stand there and let me have all the fun."

"Uh…_no_." I told him with a laugh as I suddenly felt him turn to face me.

Another florescent number lit up and flashed within the space around us as the final ping told us we were at his floor. I watched his hand trail away from my shoulders, reaching towards the small box, which housed that special little red button.

"Do not press the emergency button if you plan to get anywhere with me tonight." I told him lightly as a slid out of his grasp and stomped a foot across the threshold to stop the doors from closing. "Come on, show me around." I prompted as his head rolled around his neck languidly before he followed suit.

I flittered half way down a long hall, the overwhelming temptation to play _The Penis Game_ tugging away at my resolve before he grasped my arm to stop me. "It's right here." He grunted, slamming a key into the lock.

"Come on, fancy apartment building, door man, ass-kissing valet but you can't get a decent lock." I asked as he swung the door open and held his arm out with a flourish, inviting me in.

"No just a little distraction. I didn't want you to scream about male genitals around my neighbors."

"Hmmm, how did you know? You in my head or something Quincy?"

"I could be somewhere else." He told me sneakily, edging in the comment he had missed out on before.

"Well played Quincy. I tip my hat." I told him cheekily, I guess the student has surpassed the teacher. Except that isn't true because I have at least ten more Aces up my sleeve. I intend to use them to their full extent too. I have a few Liam jokes that may get a rise out of him and may get me kicked out of his apartment. I slipped my coat off my shoulders before dangling it from my fingers for him to take.

"Did I suddenly become a piss boy?"

"I dunno. Did you piss yourself?"

"No."

"Did you clean up someone else's piss?"

"No."

"Then you're not piss boy on any _real_ terms. If that's an endearing family nick name you're particularly fond of then…" I trailed off with a wide grin as he took my coat from my hand and tromping to a closet near the door.

"Tour?" I prompted, leaning against the frame of the closet as he took the care to hang my coat carefully on a plushy, padded hanger. "Please?" I added.

"Well when you ask so nicely,"

"You would never refuse." I finished for him.

"Don't you wanna change first?"

"_That_'s the line I get? Are all your Boyz Attack! lines all worn out?"

"I never used lines!" He scoffed back.

I really thought about unleashing the dirtiest look I possibly muster but I'll just safe that for a more dire time. Like when he's…making fun of me or something. I just shot him an _I-don't-like-the-smell-so-I-won't-like-the-taste-of-this-shit-that-you-are-trying-to-feed-me _as a sigh flowed past his lips heavily.

"Well I changed them a little for each girl."

"I believe the term is groupie. But you are my good little cub scout, aren't you? And don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to use those lines soon enough." He shot me a quizzical look and I thought about playing the _oh-how-drool _but I didn't have the energy. "Haven't you heard? Justin is bringing _SexyBack_."

"Don't even start with him."

"I'm assuming he means that sexy is back for all former boy-banders. The bandana will rise again, mark my words and his lyrics." I pronounced, merely receiving a scoff/chortle thing in response. What? He doesn't believe me? "_Dirty babe. You see these shackles, baby I'm your slave. I'll let you whip me if I misbehave._" I shouted through the house but quickly silenced myself.

I'm sure you are marveling at that feat but I was starting to wonder why I could possibly remember the lyrics. And besides Tommy's apartment is…very worthy of draw dropping and silence.It's the kind of celebrity homes the MTV producers had in mind when the hatched the baby: _Cribs. _

That show makes me a little sick for the gang of celebrities that spend their royalties before they even make them, on golf carts with revved up engines. CoughAARONCARTERCough. And then I really want a golf cart with a buzzing engine so I try to get Darius to get me my own TV show. And when he exclaims about what a great idea it is, I immediately snap back to reality and change the channel to VH1, or Comedy Central if I missed my John Stewart fix.

I stood still in reverence, my arms dangling limply at my sides kind of like Amanda Bynes and her ape-ish arms sorry that was mean, which is most certainly due to such an abode when he tugged on my arm.

"Lemme show you the balcony." He coaxed lightly while I stared at the engulfing television.

"Have you seen your TV?" I asked in a light whisper.

"No, I haven't actually." He told me, with a tone that sounded suspiciously like the male version of _my_ witty facetiousness.

"Sarcasm doesn't really go with what you're wearing." I informed him as he nodded lightly with a small laugh.

"I'll shelve that back in the archives." He told me. Um, hello that was useful information that should be at the forefront of the daily mental notes to himself.

I wonder if he leaves himself mental notes. I do. See, I'll just mental scrabble on a Post-It right now. Note to self: _Get the pretty pink Post-It notes and stop buying the generic yellow ones._

"Come on." Tommy said to me, shaking me from my ever-going thoughts and held a hand out for me to grasp. I looked at his outstretched palm and as I laid my own in it I saw his towering over and engulfing my hand. I looked up at Tommy, who was merely inches away from me by now as he smiled down at me warmly and curled his hand so that it cupped mine protectively. A warm shudder passed over me as he led me up a winding staircase.

Hmmm, I wonder if I'm in love with him again.

That would put a damper on my little _I-hate-Tommy-more-than-Amy-Fisher-hates-Joey-Buttafuco-only-I-don't-posess-a-gun _thing I had going. I guess the name doomed the mission from the start. Far too long for anyone to remember.

Note to self: Make pithy titles for plans of action/hatred and suchness.

Note to self: Is _suchness _a word? Check in Word at home.

Home. Uh-oh. I wonder what's happening there. I guess I should wonder what's going down there. Gross.

I looked up from the staircase to see us passing one platform that obviously led to his bedroom. And his bed. And his…ok I'm gonna stop. On the walls across from the staircase, there was a series of expansive windows, unadorned my curtains and frills, the night sky visible for miles. White paint glistened on the walls, against the soft moonlight that streamed through the windows. I touched a hand as the stucco bumps met my fingers tips.

Hmmm, I wonder if he would let me engrave me name in here. That would be awesome. The deep maroon carpet padded against the soles of my feet and as I looked below us, I saw the alcove of his kitchen peeking out, with the living room engulfing the rest of the bottom floor.Wait a minute, who has a multiple levels in their apartment except for Frasier's brother, Niles? I think if he went a little _loosey-goosey _he could be hot. Not Frasier, I mean Niles.

There was a still calm over the apartment, I had a feeling it was yet to be broken. Ever. I think I've got me a noise-virgin apartment. See my little play on words there? Sorry, I just watched _We Got Us A Pippi-Virgin! _on ABC Family. You know how they re-run those Gilmore Girls episodes at 5. I made Tommy and Kwest watch an episode with me once. That was the day the Gilmore almost died.

"**Why did they name the episode that?" Kwest called out loudly. **

**"Did you suddenly loose the ability to modulate your voice?" I snapped at him. **

**"Sorry." He apologized with his head down before flashing me a pair of puppy dog eyes. **

**"You're lucky I love you or I would have to stab your eyeballs out for trying to pull that on me." I warned him as the opening scene played in front of us. **

**"Why is the ceiling falling on them?" Tommy asked as if he were a ten year old in the middle of sex-ed class. **

**"I'm pretty sure you'll find out." I grumbled as I turned the volume up. Minutes went by without any questions as I felt myself relax and slump against the couch. **

**"Why doesn't she want to spend time with her mom?" Kwest asked. **

**"****Kids are so ungrateful these days. I mean her mother offered her a lovely spa weekend and she barely accepted. And she when did, it was not appreciative or grateful at all." Tommy spat out sounding disgusted. **

**"Do _you_ have a child?" I asked him. **

**"No." He answered quickly and frantically. "Why? Did you hear something?" He questioned seriously with a hitch in his voice. **

**"I think you and Sadie need to have a serious talk." I told him with a malicious grin on the inside. Kwest and I watched him blanch at the prospect before he scurried to find his cell phone. **

**"I think she's here with Portia." I called out in a singsong voice, pointing to the top floor where they had been for the past hour and a half. He is so perceptive. **

**"Sadie!" He called out, stretching each syllable as if he were being sucked into a time/space continuum and his mouth was getting pushed backwards and his tongue was flying out of it. Like Jamie that one time on Space Mountain. If he starts to cry, I'll just have to call him Jamie Sr. I don't think he would like that. **

**The next fifteen minutes passed peacefully until Tommy came bounding down the stairs with a sort of murderous look in his eyes before he screeched my name. "Tommy?" I responded weakly, hoping that I was forming something of innocence on my face. His face softened for a moment before a flare shot up in his eyes and an evil grin etched itself on his lips. He was like The Grinch. "Uh-oh Cindy Lou Who." I muttered to myself as he took a seat next to me, rejoining the Gilmore Girls fest. **

**"Whoss ist that?" He asked me, almost slurring his words from talking so fast. "Isthatherboyfriend?" He asked, his words picking up speed. "IthoughtshewasdatingDean. Didn'tyoujustsaythatshelovedDean?" Ok wait; I need to decipher that before I get back to him. **

_**Is that her boyfriend?**_

_**I thought she was dating Dean.**_

**_Didn't you just say that she loved Dean?_**

**Oh! I don't see the need to speak so fast. "No. That's Jess. Yes. She is dating Dean. Sorta. She's kinda in love with Jess too." I answered not wanting to miss Jess' rant about how Dean towers. I watched as a look suddenly swept from Tommy to Kwest as they smiled devilishly to themselves. On the screen, Jess let out one last protest at Dean before walking away. **

**"Ok, I'm going. Look, man, I really was just dropping off some food; so don't get all West Side Story on me, ok?" Kwest let out in a puffed up tone with a deep sneer on his face. **

**"Do you wanna…come in?" Tommy let out a shrill voice right in my ear, imitating Rory. **

**"What the hell is going on?" Kwest screamed in the same tone but replaced his sneer with a scowl. How charming. He is never going to get married. **

**"Now I know you eat fast, but this is a lot of food to put away that quickly, even on your best day." Kwest continued, skipping the Paris dialogue. **

**"Shut up Kwest." I growled. They are going to ruin this episode and possibly even the show. **

"**Ok, so he didn't _just _drop it off-" Tommy shouted again in an obscenely exaggerated tone that I'm guessing was to emulate a female. I am going to sucker punch him right in the mouth. **

**"You told me you were doing laundry-" **

**"I was." **

**"And now, you're here with Jess?" Kwest roared loudly, making my flinch. **

**I really thing there is something wrong with my inner ears now. ****If I cannot balance myself any more, Kwest is volunteering himself for the position of my human crutch. Forever. **

**"And Paris!" Tommy squealed right back. Kwest can have my right, Tommy gets my left. **

**"Jess, Rory, _Jess_!" Kwest continued on his angry tirade. As Dean Forester. **

**What the hell did I do in my past lives to have the inflicted upon me now? Really, did I _kill_ someone or did I…_eat_ people. I really would love to know so that I can atone for whatever the hell I did. **

**"I swear, I didn't-" Tommy started, complete with frustrated hand gestures. **

**"You didn't _what_? You didn't know he was coming over?" **

**"I didn't." **

**"And you also didn't know he was going to stay, right?" **

**"It just happened." **

**"How does this just happen?" Kwest screamed after real Dean finished breathing like a mad man on TV. He looked over at Tommy, who shot up like a bullet as Kwest mirrored his actions a second later. It was like an impromptu show down. **

**They are getting way too into this. **

**"Well…he was, and the diner was, the diner was… and I," Tommy stuttered out. **

**"And you _what_? Say something!" **

**"Stop yelling!" Tommy screamed with a gusting falsetto, and I'm pretty sure he had managed to make himself cry. I'll reiterate: they are getting way too into this. **

**"You totally lied to me!" Kwest screamed in Tommy's face. **

**"I didn't." Tommy yowled back. **

**I'm leaving. **

**This is not funny anymore. **

**It never was. **

**I am not enjoying this. **

**I got up from the couch and purposefully made my way between the two, breaking the heated fight and stomped back to the studio. "Oh come on, Jude! You can be Paris!" Tommy called out. Not funny. Instead of turning around I continued on my warpath back the studio, flashing the naughty finger to the two crazies behind me. **

_**Half an Hour Later…**_

**I crooned out the last chorus repeat, slipping my headphones off to look at Tommy and Kwest, waiting for directions. **

**"Jude." Tommy said seriously, looking at me ever more seriously. **

**"Uh, yeah?" I questioned skeptically, shrugging my shoulders. **

**"Rory wouldn't lie, right?" He asked. He looked over at Kwest who leaned towards the mic. **

**"No, Rory wouldn't lie." He assured us and I huffed indignantly into my own mic. **

**"And I thought something was actually wrong. Stupid me." I told them in the most irritated tone I could muster. **

He continued the trudge up the stairs and I felt the need to invade the silence. I'm just kinda wondering if he can walk and talk at the same time. If he can't…well then we will both sail to our demise down his stairs. That would suck.

"You aren't even going to offer me some wine or impress me with your worldly belongings."

"I don't have any wine."

"Not even from a box?"

"And, would I be able to win you over with a few little trinkets?"

"Not really. Unless you're willing to part with said trinkets and then I would _love _to see my future possessions." I told him and as he turned to face me I flashed him a beaming smile.

"Come on." He said with a grin, stopping at the top step and waiting for me to catch up. Once we were level, my bare feet continued to press into the soft carpet as he slipped a hand to the small of my back.

Ok mister, do you have a fetish or what? I've really only heard of foot-fetish guys. One time this guy came to my house and he said he was selling shoe magazines and he tried to get my mom to take her shoes off, saying that he would measure he foot. Then he got a boner when she tugged her slipper off, revealing a bare foot. My dad had to chase him away. Well actually the weird guy kinda …_waddled_ away because of his engorged penis. But yeah, same concept.

And it always reminds me of penguins when I think of that guy, and I just loved _March of the Penguins_ even though the males eat the dead fetus eggs or whatever. That was really disgusting and Spied told me later that his dad ate his little brother.

"**You don't have a little brother." **

**"I know." He told me cryptically and held up a cupped hand and pretended to salt a non-existent piece of food. **

**"THE SPIEDERMANS EAT BABIES!" Kat screamed down the hall, shoving a space between Spied and I. **

I trailed behind him, but staying as close as possible to his warmth, while he slid a glass door aside. He stepped over, allowing the views of all the span of Toronto bombard me. I sucked in a diminutive breath, letting it flourish in my lungs before blowing it back out. Its shadow swirled before my lips, causing a whirlwind of cold air mixing with my hot breath in front of my eyes. I pattered out on the balcony, the cold concrete pounding against my feet, shocking me into discomfort for a moment. I turned my head a little to look back at him, my eyes wide with awe.

"It's gorgeous." I told him as lights twinkled in my peripheral vision, each one mirroring the beam of a star I couldn't see. He sidled up next to me, pulling me into an embrace and trapping all my warmth in with his.

"I know." He whispered to my hair as a hand made its way to my cheek, smoothing my skin over delicately.

"Don't even tell me you're looking at me right now."

"What if I were." He challenged light, a smile in his voice.

"Then I would have to banish you to the world of _Down with Love._" I told him as I tore my gaze from view.

It's really not every day, night, well whatever God I'm like grammar patrolling myself, that I get to see this.

With his arms around my waist and my own hanging loosely around his neck and my cheek pressed against his chest, I looked out at the night from my little bubble. My little Tommy bubble. How is it that I love the sound of that? It's immensely, horrifyingly, almost degradingly sad. But whatever, I love it. I looked up at him for a moment before a shiver flitted callously down my spine from the wintry air.

"I'm cold." I complained lightly, he wrapped his arms around me more tightly, pulling me even closer.

"Better?" He whispered, dipping down to my ear and letting his breath bubble against my skin.

"Much better." I verified. I turned my head slightly; capturing his gaze he captured my lips. He pressed his own feverishly against mine, inhaling the night into his sense.

I secured my hands around his neck and pulling his lips closer to mine, not letting an inch of breath between us. A hand traveled upwards and wound into my hair while the other cradled a cheek and his lips dipping against the fevered skin on my neck. I let out a soft moan, a breath escaping with it as the wind caressed my small moans, hushing them with its whistle.

Unknowingly, I arched my neck back as he softly and tantalizingly sprinkled kisses along my throat. His lips pressing against each inch of exposed skin and claiming every millimeter as his own. My lips grew impatient and jealous, aching for his touch again so I complied as I dipped my head, pulling myself away for a moment. I grasped his lips again, as I twined a leg around his and pulling him flush against me once more.

_Much, much better. _

We stood together for a few moments more when I got a sudden flash of P. Diddy in my brain. Please don't ask why, he controls all my bodily systems. My auto-immune system, my neurological system-y thing or whatever it is, my circulatory system, my digestive system, my endocrine system, my respiratory system, my musculatory system, my nervous system, my cardiovascular system, my cardiopulmonary system, integumentary system, my lymphatic system, my skeletal system, I would say my urinary system but he doesn't really control my bladder so whatever. He rules me.

I broke away from Tommy slightly, looking at him full in the face. "Hey Tom." I started with a saccharine smile, easing my hands more comfortably on his back.

"Yea?" He asked with an inhale. A satisfied smile purred over his lips as he bent down to kiss me lightly.

"What time is it?" I asked against his lips. I heard him huff, expelling his breath across my lips and making them sizzle from the heat, as he broke away to look at his watch. He scrutinized it for a moment in the dim light of the stars and moon before he looked up, slightly irritated.

"Why?" He asked me. "Well I was just wondering if I it was…too late for me to catch _Making the Band 3_?" I finished hurriedly with a shy smile. I really can't miss this episode, because Andrea is my favorite, except for Dawn and D.Woods but whatever, and it's all about her and her skanky boyfriend.

.o.O.o.

"Is it possible for you to go two hours without watching TV?" He asked me as I adjusted his t-shirt on my shoulders as we settled on his couch, staring at the TV.

"Well I think _you _should know of all people, you keep me in the booth far longer than two hours at a time."

"Stop, you make me sound like a slave driver."

"Your words, not mine."

"I give you breaks." He defended loudly.

"That last as long as it takes for you to tell me all the things that were wrong with the previous takes and then it's right back to the salt mines!"

"No, you always sneak out."

"Well duh, I can't miss _The Daily Show_, it's the only news that flows through my brain. I need to stay current."

"You're a Canadian! Nothing of political importance is ever focused on us when we're right above the United States."

"Well they're hogging it all. I vote they dole out some of that mayhem."

"Jude." He warned with a smile betraying him. I smiled at him gratefully as he fluffed a pillow before motioning for me to sit my head up. "What does this mean?" I asked him, mocking his _come here _wave.

"It means lift your head so that I can give you a pillow."

"Oh, well I didn't know that." I lied with an easy smile and propped my head up as he slipped a pillow under it. I caught his gaze as he leaned over, catching a smile on his lips.

I lifted my head as he titled his own to meet mine, planting a small kiss full on his lips still feeling butterflies kick up in my stomach. I was sorta wondering when we had gotten so comfortable and then I stopped thinking. Because really, thinking sucks. I hate doing it, I do it as little as possible. Except for when I analyze stuff. Which usually entails stupid stuff that doesn't need to be looked at deeper than its shallow surface. Whatever.

"Thought about what you want to title your second album, girl?" He asked as he settled across from me.

"Well I don't know. What could really follow up the genius of _Jude Harrison_? I was thinking _Jude Harrison: Remastered and Repackaged. _Watcha think?" I posed to him with a cheeky smile.

"Hmmm, really gets those creative juices flowing. Anything else swirling in that head of yours?" He asked me.

Hmmm, not really. It's pretty hollow up there; I barely visit. I mean, I _guess_ they miss me, but whenever I consult my senses and think things though I usually frustrate them because I disregard our conversations.

There was that period of time when Tommy made me say things seven times in my head before I spoke out loud. But he ruined it when he would scream and yell about me not taking direction and not even giving him the decency to respond. I would try to explain it all but the bunches of excuses bubbled in my head in long-winded speeches and I would have to recite them in my head seven times. And by then he would storm out the studio and order Kwest to '_deal with her'. _

What-ev-er.

I do not need to be _dealt _with. _I should be treated like a Princess! _Sorry, I was watching The Hills earlier and Heidi really rubs her awful personality on me. I was thinking about like ditching my job and partying at a club with my boyfriend and then flirt shamelessly with someone that I went on a date with once. And then fight with him about it. But then I had to take a shower so whatever.

I really should be handled with care just like those boxes marked _fragile _whenever people move. Like when they packed my dad's stuff up, some of the boxes were marked up with little notes, but the movers always spelled them wrong. So instead of **this side up **it said stupid stuff like **don't hold mie upsiid dawn**. Who gets _dawn _from _down_? And who personifies a box like that? Plus they gave my mom incentive to throw boxes down the stairs with disregard, claiming she couldn't read the warnings.

"Well instead of _Rattle and Hum, _I could be ironic or make a tribute and call it _Hum and Rattle_. Or maybe something cool and long like _You Can Play These Songs with Chords._ Huh? How does that sound Mr. Producer-Man?" I asked him.

"Everyone always seemed to like Alanis' titles. How about _Over Rug Swept_."

"You're bad at this."

"_All I need now is some intellectual intercourse_."

"Looking for something new? Tired of the boring old regular, you know, _physical _intercourse? Need some flavor Mr. Q?" I asked him a slightly chuckle as his eyes bugged out.

After his little fit subsided he let his roll backwards, the fringes of his hair tickling his neck and back. I kicked my feet up, letting the blanket billow and tent around our feet. I looked over at the clock, it was too far for me to make out any semblance of a time so I just threw my head against his couch, letting my head loll comfortably against the buttery leather.

I looked over at Tommy to see him watching the ceiling, his stare focused through the skylight, so I let my gaze drift upwards. I could see the cold air holding its thin layer in the sky, frosting over the moon and the tinkle of the stars but keeping the peaceful slumber that fell over at night. It was calming. I would say something about my frazzled nerves but then I would just feel like Spied's mom. I have never encountered one person in this world more on edge than her; and it was mostly Spied's fault.

Have I ever mentioned that he and Kyle used to terrorize Jamie and Wally? I don't really know what kind of pleasure Kyle derived from it since he's like a year older than us. But I guess taunting is fun for all at any age. And I think Spied is probably into getting whipped and what not.

I would go into that one episode of House, where he gave the guy a stroke and it turned out he like _really _rough and something bad happened with his brain, but I won't. Even though I would just like for everyone to reminisce about Chase's Tic-Tac popping habits in that episode. I don't look at them the same any more. I'm more of an Orbitz kind of girl. Ok I lied, I just do whatever Snoop Dogg does, so when I have a dirty mouth I clean it up. Ok, ça suffit.

Any way, they terrorized with slightly sadistic tendencies. I guess a little more information is needed before I reveal the horrors of the deep seated meanness and cruelty that dwells within Spied and Kyle: Wally is obsessive by nature. Once he gets hooked on something, even now, he won't let it go. Like a pug or a…basset hound when they find fish.

His Disney obsession spanned for far too many years. It still lingers, I catch him watching _American Dragon: Jake Long _almost every time Tommy gives a break longer than five minutes. In fifth grade he idolized Cinderella and Snow White. He tried to persuade me into dressing up like both of them for Halloween. And no, I do not mean Cinderella half of the night, Snow White the other.

I mean he offered to craft a dress for me and half of it would be icy blue with a billowing bell skirt, stitched to the top of the dress with sequins and the other half with a sweeping, softly golden skirt and a blue corset with poofy sleeves and red accents. _Half and Half_, if you will. But I bet you won't so I'll stop when I tell you that he offered to sew it for me too.

And poor, naïve, _stupid _Wally asked me from the beginning of October all the way to the moment right before we all left the house to trick-or-treat; he even commissioned Spied to persuade me. I really don't know why he was so adamant, I mean Sadie would have totally gone for being _two _princesses since her head was inflated enough to suffocate two princesses but whatever.

A few days after the sugar highs and crashes from Halloween wore off, Sadie took us all to the park. Jamie and I were on the seesaw, only he was ruining the fun because he was afraid that I would throw an Acme anvil opposite him and send him flying to the sky and that he would die on his way down.

There is no other person alive that fears the Road Runner more than Jamie. Even now. So while I threw little wood chips at Jamie's face and he cried, Spied and Kyle told Wally that if he let them tie his hair to the monkey bars, he has always rocked a slight afro, that Cinderella would come and find him and they would get married.

"**I don't know if that will work." Wally called out skeptically while Kyle joined Spied on top of the monkey bars, grasping a handful of Wally's hair and stringing a gasp of pain from his shouting mouth. Jamie and I watched Spied pop his head through the bars, his head upside down, hair hanging from his scalp, his face turning bright red barely two inches from Wally. **

**"Do you want her to come or not?" Spied asked him in a slightly strangled voice while his eyes popped out of his head. **

**"Well…yes." Wally said ruefully but conceding in his tone. **

**"Isn't Cinderella married to Prince Charming?" Jamie whispered to me. I threw him a look back with a snarl and kicked more dirt on his shoes. He stayed silent as we continued to watched Spied and Kyle giggle furiously while they violently grabbed chunks of Wally's hair, knotting the strands together around the dulled yellow bars. **

**Suddenly, Kyle clapped his hands loudly and jumped down the ground, Spied following closely while Wally yowled in pain as he dangled from the monkey bars by his hair. **

**"THIS HURTS ME!" He cried, tears streaming down his face at a quickening pace. "THIS REALLY REALLY HURTS ME!" He screamed and drawing attention from other mothers in the park. I was sorta afraid they would call my mom but they just grabbed their out kids and got the hell outta there. I guess they were afraid that Spied and Kyle would set the park on fire. **

**We watched as Wally flailed around, struggling to hoist himself up with one hand in attempts to stop the constant tugging on his head while the other hand furiously wiped the tears from his face. **

**"This is so mean." Sadie commented off-handedly barely heard through Wally's chants from Cinderella to come save him. **

**"Isn't supposed to be other way around?" I asked. **

**"You mean Cinderella should be hanging from monkey bars by her hair and Wally should come save her?" Sadie asked me sarcastically. **

**"Well maybe not this scenario, but isn't it the _damsel in distress _and not the …_damsello in distress_." **

**"Does oxygen even get to your brain?"**

I let out a loud laugh, sending shock waves through the otherwise silent air. "Wattcha thinkin about?" He asked, scooting closer and wrapping an around my shoulders. My arms snaked around his torso while my head buried into his skin.

"Isn't that my line?" I asked him with a soft laugh.

.o.O.o.

Shows passed before us, nothing grabbing my attention, his hands had trailed soft circles around my back under the t-shirt he had lent me. I adjusted the waist of his boxers, pulling them further up my hips after I had felt the cold leather against my skin. His tickling fingers slowed until the were still against my skin as his eyes fluttered closed, though each time I shifted slightly his reverie was interrupted and his lids lifted to look at me once more.

"Tommy?" I whispered, testing to see if he was really asleep. He's quite crafty. And a fine actor.

I heard him mumble incoherently, a _what _forming at hips lips but stopping there.

"Do you think you'll ever get married again?" I asked absently, playing with the soft fabric of the blanket across my legs.

"Yes." He told me, a little clearer than he had been but his eyes still remained shut.

"Who?" I asked.

Is there something the matter with me?

Do I really wanna know?

It's probably Portia.

Or Kelly Ripa. "Oh, she's a pretty blonde." He said softly, the words cascading past his lips as he continued without my prompting.

That's one for Kelly.

"I love her. I think I always have. But she isn't ready yet. I'm still waiting." He murmured. God, since when is he so cognizant in a semi-conscious state? Whatever.

I bit on my bottom lip, wondering if I should probe further as the blanket shifted against my shins again.

"How long would you wait?" I asked. This is merely for curiosity's sake and for me to gauge how long I should wait for Michael Seater to come around. Honestly.

"Forever." He mumbled before a snore resounded through his body as it expelled itself lazily into the air.

Good to know.

**Good. To. Know.**


End file.
